Fix The Foster: Improvements Suggested By Someone Who's Been There

I've been in foster care for the past eight years. This is a system that desperately revision. Until recently, foster children were still considered "wards of the state", as though they'd done something wrong. Thankfully, this has been changed so foster kids are called "youths in care". However, even with this change, there's still so much left to be done. Here are a few things that should change, and if you have any suggestions, feel free to let me know in the comments.

1. The biological family needs a background check and a psychological evaluation as well! Currently, if a biological member of the foster child's family is willing to take the child in, they DON'T need any training. To my knowledge, the only examination they're subject to is a caseworker coming to their home to check for safety standards, such as a smoke detector, hot and cold water, CO2 detector, etc. This is entirely irresponsible on the part of DCFS because they are putting a child in the care of a family member who may or may not be mentally sound. Many of the parents who lose their children to foster care have a mental disorder or disease of some sort. Typically those are hereditary. So why, then, would DCFS take children from that home just to put them in another place where they will likely face the same neglect or abuse that they encountered at home? The problem needs to be addressed and analyzed at the root.

2. More research needs to be done into the foster child's history. Many problems that occur in foster homes are caused by foster parents and caseworkers not knowing the history of the child's abuse. This leads to misunderstandings and a large waste of resources. Caseworkers and foster parents can assume and sign a child up for counseling that would not, in fact, benefit the child. Individual therapy has different benefits than group therapy or mentoring. And if a child was abused and no one knows it, it still has an effect! The foster child will likely see certain people or situations as a threat, and those involved in their case will simply see this as acting out. The child will be forced into situations that they can't handle for reasons they can't understand in an effort to train in "good behavior" when the only effect will be traumatizing the child even more because they are reminded again and again of previous trauma. And, of course, most people don't understand that what they have gone through is trauma, let alone the youth the comprise the foster care system. They can't usually verbalize all this, so all that can be seen is misbehavior and rebellion.

3. Counselors need to be improved. Granted, each organization is different, but the ones that DCFS works with should be held accountable for the youth placed in their services. DCFS should require that they have a certain goal or action plan in mind, not just "fix" the child, and that progress made should be documented. A record should be kept for each session to show that both parties were present. Counseling isn't a social hour or something to keep the child busy; it's a resource to help the child learn constructive coping for their past and their future.

4. Keeping the child safe is above all else. So many times, foster children go back to homes that barely fit the requirements set as "livable". The conditions in many of the homes that youths go back to are rarely passable as safe and are typically not conducive to thriving. Children go into and out of the system like a pinball in a pinball machine, bouncing around from place to place in the process. As a young child, I was in the foster care system living with a family member. I went back to live with my biological mother, and 3-4 years later I was back in foster care again. This was because living at home was dangerous to me and I faced more trauma than I had to because of it. More than anything, DCFS should be sure of the children's safety before returning them to their homes. If they're trying to clear up space for other kids, it's only a temporary solution to send children home prematurely. They'd be back into the system soon enough and they'll need more help than before.

5. Keeping families together should be the priority, only second to keeping the child safe. I understand that safety should be most important if one conflicts with the other, but whenever possible, siblings placed in foster care should be kept together. I have six siblings and we've all been split up. This isn't always the case, as DCFS claims to try their best to keep siblings together while in care, but on the whole, so many families are split up unnecessarily when that familial bond can ease the ache of losing the family they've known. Children need some stability to hold on to, and being taken from all your family members does nothing to aid that.

6. In conjunction with that, when children are adopted from the foster care system, their siblings should be allowed to see them. Now, I understand why closed adoptions exist. I'm not saying there isn't a need to protect children from bad influences, especially within their own biological family. All the same, if a connection with their biological siblings isn't negatively influencing a child, communication should be allowed. Say one sibling was adopted and another sibling wasn't, as happened to me. The adoptive parents currently have control over whether or not their new child will have contact with their biological family, whether it's a bad thing or not. But the two siblings should have a right to visit the one another if the connection won't cause any harm. How can one tell if it's a negative influence, though? The sibling still in care could be subject to a psychological evaluation or similar mental assessments, maybe even a go-ahead from a counselor. Such assessments are commonplace in foster care and usually obligatory at one point or another, so having them serve a dual purpose wouldn't be preposterous to consider.

7. Foster parents should have limits on the amount of work they're allowed to give foster children. For anyone who's seen orphan movies or anything on foster care in cinematic media, children being subjected to cleaning a whole house by themselves may seem a little outlandish. On the contrary, I was frequently made to do so, and I know many others have been as well based on my own networking among other foster youths. Renowned author Steve Pemberton (author of "A Chance in the World", his autobiography about his trials in the foster system) has had a similar experience, having been given so many chores that he was hardly considered a child. This needs to be limited, for the sake of the children in care. They can't strive to heal from the past hurts and trauma they've faced when they're too busy getting through Cinderella's to-do list.

8. If abuse is suspected within a foster home, something needs to be done, regardless of whether the foster parent or child says it was abuse. The foster parent surely wouldn't admit to it, and the foster child might not recognize it as abuse because they're so young and don't know anything different. Many foster children have faced abuse in their biological homes and would see foster parent abuse as nothing new. Even if the foster child does see it as abuse, he or she may be scared to say anything for fear of violent consequences. To fix this, there should be random visits to the foster home. There are often surprise visits to the biological mother and/or father's home to make sure that the children come back to a safe place when they return to their homes. But that won't do any good to the child who isn't safe in their foster home, where they're supposed to be given an example of healthy living. A great number of children in foster care have either seen or been subject to some kind of violence. Pretending with the child and foster family that nothing's wrong is NOT okay. The last thing we need is all the children in foster care--and believe me, there are many--thinking that it's okay to be violent and that they'll get away with it if they intimidate or brainwash their victim. That only continues the cycle to a greater degree.

9. Education. I don't know how to stress this enough. With each move, I experience the same ebb and flow of my grades. I start with As, then I move and start failing all my classes, and then work my way back up to As, just to drop again to Fs. It's too much stress to be worrying about school when there are new placements and families to get used to. A solution should be mandatory tutoring. I've always been offered tutoring services as part of all the other services, but I've never accepted because I've always wanted to be seen as capable. Calm, cool, collected, resilient, and totally independent. I knew I was smart enough to be getting As, which only frustrated me more. Each school has a different curriculum, though, and keeping up is almost impossible for a little while, no matter how smart I am. For instance, in high school Chemistry, I barely passed with a low C. I didn't understand it because there was one fundamental principle that I hadn't learned. Everyone else seemed to be pulling numbers out of thin air, and I just didn't understand. I felt stupid and useless and I didn't even want to try. The school didn't count homework for a grade, either, so the only grades I got were the failing ones on my tests and quizzes. I finally asked about what I was missing and understood. It all made sense! But by the time I got up the guts to ask, it was two weeks until summer break. I'd spent the whole year not understanding and my grade really suffered for it. The same thing happens for foster children everywhere! Foster children struggle so much, so needlessly, because of all the stress and upheaval in their outside lives. Others may refuse tutoring services for different reasons. Maybe they're so beyond caring that they don't want to spend time on something that they see as a waste of energy. Maybe they think so little of themselves because they've been told that they're nothing or because they believe that they're nothing. Maybe they don't feel worthy and only see themselves as a burden, incapable of succeeding even with help. Maybe, like me, they want to be self-sufficient and feel ashamed to even have to ask for help with anything, let alone academics. There are many reasons a child may refuse help getting a grade back up or solidifying their knowledge with a whole new curriculum. Mandatory tutoring would be the perfect way for each child to sync educational knowledge without shame or fear because they have to do it, and they can become comfortable with asking for help along the way. A tutor would be a great example of a potential future mentor as well, or at least an added trusted adult in the small circle of people that a foster child feels they can trust.

10. A foster child should have some say in their permanency in a home. I've moved around so often, several people think I made up just how bad my previous foster homes were just to move. That's not true. Several homes were emotionally and/or physically abusive, others had a ridiculous amount of chores and were in dangerous areas, and others were so unwilling to accommodate my past and baggage that I couldn't live there and thrive. I understand DCFS wanting to find stability for a child, but if that child doesn't feel comfortable in their placement, they shouldn't be forced to stay! Foster care is intended to be a safe place for children while their biological parents get their act together or while waiting to be adopted. The last thing they need is to go from one bad home to another. If they are in a place where they can't properly heal, they will only continue to suffer in their struggle to find what's "missing" or what's "wrong" with them because they can't be like everyone else.

11. A meeting with the new foster parents, should a child be relocated, needs to be conducted before the move. Foster children move from home to home a lot. The change is big and scary, even for an old-timer like me. One thing that has helped to settle me about moves is meeting the new foster parents before moving in. It certainly gave me more peace about the move because I was able to at least get to know what kind of humor the foster parents have and see what they do when they feel uncomfortable. Would they say things to make themselves feel okay, or would they try to make me feel better by comforting me? That made a lot of difference. In a more practical way, it helped me to understand the ground rules and expectations before I moved in. When a new person first joins the family, it's all about excitement and fun and getting to know one another. Rules aren't covered until later because they're "downers". But without the child knowing what's expected of them, they will unwittingly break some rules and some tension will start right from the beginning between them and their foster parents. Sometimes, whether a child likes the family or not based on the first meeting, there may not be another family available. But at least the foster child comes into family prepared and knows what to expect. This is crucial in increasing the comfort level of the child when they've been taken from their home and brought into a totally new environment.

12. The person who is a child's GAL should not also be their lawyer. GAL stands for Guardian Ad Litem. A GAL's job, at its root, is to fight in court for what he or she believes to be in the best interest of the youth. Lawyers fight in court for what the youth wants for themselves. This is imperative because, while the GAL doubles as the lawyer depending on the state, that person is rarely in agreement with the child. It is difficult for a youth in care to have their voice heard when their lawyer barely mentions what the youth wants in favor of pushing what they believe is best. So instead of being heard, many of those in the foster care system feel that their desires are lost in the court jargon and debate. With the separation of powers, there would be assurance that the youth would be heard via representation by someone who is specifically dedicated to them and their interests while the GAL could remain representative of the best interest of the child from the view of an adult removed enough from the situation to pass mature judgment.

13. A tuition plan should be implemented for foster youth from the age of fourteen on, so long as their goal is not to return home. And should their goal change from return home to independence, emancipation, or anything of the sort after the age of 14, the same should apply. Approximately 50% of foster youth nationwide graduate high school, and less than a staggering 3% of youth in care nationwide go on to graduate from college. From Nelson Mandela and Malcolm X to Steve Jobs and Andrew Jackson; even J.R.R. Tolkien was in foster care. Foster alumni have the ability to see from so many different perspectives, which leads to innovative thinking that tends to surpass the general populace. This is the kind of thinking that needs to be nurtured in our colleges and universities. Many foster alumni don't feel that they have the ability to go to college, largely for monetary reasons. There is no budgeting set aside for foster youth, and many don't even receive the allowance detailed in the Foster Youth Bill of Rights. There is no security for the future, after the youth "ages out" of the system, and many are left directionless and helpless. Once a foster youth ages out, all DCFS services stop and many foster alumni end up homeless. If a specified portion of the check allocated to foster parents were set aside each month, several things would be accomplished. One is that college would be repeatedly reinforced with the child so that it would seem something that is more easily accomplished. It isn't a far-off dream, it is a real and distinct possibility for if the youth chooses to follow that path. The second is that going to college would appear less daunting. Bolstered by resources, college becomes manageable and the increased ease of preparation leads to greater participation. It is an encouragement to face the difficulty of transition from youth to adult with support. The third is that the youth would have solid proof that their team is working for a future beyond foster care. Much of the advancement that goes on in a case is done behind the scenes, and often, these steps take place so slowly that no change seems to be made at all. This provides solid evidence that a future is being secured, much in the same way parents would save up to pay for their own children's tuition. Foster youth would feel looked after even past the point that they leave care. The only way to allow youth in care to feel as though they are a part of a family is to actually make a family for them, case team included. If they feel that the people in their lives are only there because they are being paid and that they will disappear along with any guidance or assistance they could previously have offered, it will be impossible for them to allow themselves to relax into what could potentially be an amazing springboard community that will launch them into the rest of their lives.

14. Last, and the one I feel needs most attention (after safety and keeping the family together, of course), the training to be a foster parent should be more intensive. Going into foster care, few parents truly know the level of sacrifice and commitment they need. Often, foster parents believe that they can force a personality or ideology or temperament on the child that just isn't there. Instead of realizing that a child will come in hurt and need help, many see this child as the one that'll fit perfectly into their family dynamic. This is a setup for chaos, frustration, and more pain for both the parents and the child. The training that foster parents go through isn't nearly enough. Parenting classes aren't sufficient for those looking to become foster parents because parenting your own child from the moment he or she is born is far different than parenting someone else's child who has their own habits and baggage and past. A child isn't going to come into a home and forget all they've known. They may even know that they're safe now, but that doesn't mean they can just drop their past at the front door and be a new person. Letting go of the past takes time, healing, and patience. But most importantly, it takes FACING that past. You can't leave behind the past when you haven't dealt with it; once it's behind your back, it can jump you any time it wants. Foster parents need to understand that and often don't because foster parent training is centered on coaxing the person to become a foster parent, not thoroughly informing them of all they should know.

Again, if you have any more suggestions, please let me know! These are only a few of the things that need to be addressed in a system that is so broken.