Day 26 #365grateful

Exhausted but I'm still smiling at my life. I love my family. I am fortunate enough to have been raised in a positive environment of a family. The one that is not toxic.. oh wait. My parents are quite toxic. They don't actually display love in an affectionate way. But my grandmother and aunts are balancing it out for me. ❤

Therefore sometimes I forget that my parents are like that. Hehe but because I was raised by my parents that way... I learned to respect other people, knowing where I stand, and knowing my limit. My mother never allow my brothers and I to make things hard for them. Especially not to make them lose face to other people. We always need to behave. Hahahah

But this also puts trauma in me. This is where my limiting beliefs are created. Limiting beliefs are false beliefs that our brains are tricked into believing. I grew to be a people pleaser. Not wanting to make people to hate me or to dislike me. I always drained myself out of wanting to make people to like me and to accept me.

My mother taught me not do things that will anger people, not to open up freely, know where I stand, do not cause a ruckus, always supress my feelings and emotions, and just do what I was asked to do. And as a child, I listened well. All too well. And that has shaped my personality. It sucks. Really sucks. Especially when I allow people to step on me just because I was afraid to go against them and to voice out my opinion and dislikes. I did not want to be disliked.

At one point, I just realized what I was allowing to happen to me. Sure I was raised that way, I won't blame my parents. They are humans. And humans make mistakes. Humans are always experimenting and constantly finding the right ways and the right answers in life. Maybe they thought that is the best way to raise their children, to raise my siblings and I 😊 but now that I am an adult, I carry my own responsibilities now. I see through my past traumatic memories and experiences back in my childhood that were the culprit that causes my limiting beliefs. And I now choose to stop carrying the same beliefs and my old self.

Each day I am improving bit by bit, mending little by little of my broken part. Each day I was hit by realization like "Oh, I just let it happened again. I didn't dare to voice out my discomfort and disapproval."

And everytime I realized I was becoming my old self again, I will snap back out of it. And learn to see ahead of situations that will start to lead people to mistreat me and stepping on me. And I will visualized the right action and responses that I should give, instead of just giving in and allowing them to mistreat me.

I've had enough of hating myself. Now it is time to love myself back. To respect myself. To demand respect from other people. To voice out my feelings and opinions. To think for myself.

And every day I am learning to improve. I am getting there. I am. And I am so grateful to be alive at this very moment. To live up to my fullest potential. To break free from my limiting beliefs.

My parents have taught me what I need to know. Now it is up to me to go even further on my own, to fly higher. I will do my own saving from now on ♡

Cheers! 🍻