Is it a failure to be unmarried? || ¿Es un fracaso ser soltero?

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Being married is human, being single, divine?

¿Estar casado es humano, estar soltero, divino?

I am still single but not looking for a partner, it seems that it is too late now, but it could have been not too late if I am healthy like a normal person. There are so many reasons that I am not fit for a marriage, one biggest reason is that of course I am sick and physically incapable of raising family and give their needs which I doubt that I can ever give. So I had given-up a long, long time ago the idea of being married for that matter. Also, I remember that I didn't seek to be in a relationship before, particularly when I was in College because I felt that something is wrong with my body already and there is need to fix that up before presenting myself to a potential special someone.

Sigo soltero pero no busco pareja, parece que ahora es demasiado tarde, pero podría no haber sido demasiado tarde si estoy sano como una persona normal. Hay muchas razones por las que no soy apto para un matrimonio, una de las más importantes es que, por supuesto, estoy enfermo y soy físicamente incapaz de criar a la familia y dar sus necesidades, que dudo que pueda dar. Así que hace mucho, mucho tiempo que renuncié a la idea de estar casada por ese motivo. Además, recuerdo que antes no buscaba tener una relación, sobre todo cuando estaba en la universidad, porque sentía que algo estaba mal en mi cuerpo y que era necesario arreglarlo antes de presentarme a una persona especial.

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Being fit and healthy is one qualification for marriage, it includes being in a romantic relationship too.

Estar en forma y sano es una de las condiciones para casarse, pero también lo es tener una relación romántica.

But waiting for my body to get fixed didn't result in favorable situation because my body just deteriorated, I felt like I am not anymore presentable to the opposite sex considering that I am inherently shy and have an inferiority complex which is made worse by my sickly body which also is manifested by a skinny body. So after realizing that I am sick in those years I already had set-up my priorities differently, while other people in my age group ended-up being married, I myself concentrated in just trying to fix my body. But due to lack of financial capability my health just deteriorated and had lead me to forget to even plan to being in a relationship anymore.

Pero esperar a que mi cuerpo se arreglara no resultó en una situación favorable porque mi cuerpo simplemente se deterioró, sentí que ya no soy presentable para el sexo opuesto considerando que soy intrínsecamente tímida y tengo un complejo de inferioridad que se agrava por mi cuerpo enfermizo que también se manifiesta por un cuerpo delgado. Así que después de darme cuenta de que estoy enferma en esos años ya había establecido mis prioridades de manera diferente, mientras que otras personas de mi edad terminaron casándose, yo misma me concentré en tratar de arreglar mi cuerpo. Pero debido a la falta de capacidad financiera, mi salud se deterioró y me llevó a olvidar el plan de tener una relación.

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While my colleagues went on with their lives, it was up to me to fix my tattered body first... until now.

Mientras mis compañeros seguían con sus vidas, a mí me tocaba arreglar primero mi andrajoso cuerpo... hasta ahora.

In my church, they teach us that if you want to get married you then must be fit to do so. You should have a clear way of earning money because of course you cannot "love" with a growling stomach, it will not work, some couples would even fight about what to eat for the day and that will not end well. A person that wants to marry should be financially established which means that they should have a work, business, or at least some form of way to earn some money. Then a person also should be physically fit to marry like sexually because you needed to fulfill the needs of your partner in that regard because marriage includes sexual relations and not only companionship otherwise it will not work, it will not be a marriage.

En mi iglesia nos enseñan que si quieres casarte debes estar en condiciones de hacerlo. Debes tener una forma clara de ganar dinero porque por supuesto no puedes "amar" con el estómago gruñendo, no funcionará, algunas parejas incluso se pelean por lo que van a comer en el día y eso no terminará bien. Una persona que quiera casarse debe estar económicamente establecida, lo que significa que debe tener un trabajo, un negocio, o al menos alguna forma de ganar dinero. Además, una persona debe ser físicamente apta para casarse, al igual que sexualmente, porque debe satisfacer las necesidades de su pareja en ese sentido, ya que el matrimonio incluye las relaciones sexuales y no sólo el compañerismo, de lo contrario no funcionará, no será un matrimonio.

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Being financially fit of course is a qualification for raising a family so that you can fulfill the needs and produce a good unit of society.

Ser económicamente apto, por supuesto, es una cualificación para criar una familia y poder satisfacer las necesidades y producir una buena unidad de la sociedad.

Now if you pass those two aforementioned factors you also needed to pass the psychological fitness to get married, meaning that you are already mentally prepared to do it, you love your partner and that you will both work-out your new status of being married to each other because in my church the married people are discouraged to divorce are terminate their relationship particularly if there are children involved already. The bible teaches us that married couples are counted as one in the sight of God and if they are counted as one by God himself then no one should break that sacred union, and so sticking to one another and resolving differences should be the main priority than splitting the two couples apart.

Ahora bien, si usted supera esos dos factores mencionados, también debe superar la aptitud psicológica para casarse, lo que significa que ya está mentalmente preparado para hacerlo, que ama a su pareja y que ambos van a trabajar en su nueva condición de casados, porque en mi iglesia se desalienta a los casados a divorciarse o a terminar su relación, especialmente si ya hay hijos de por medio. La Biblia nos enseña que las parejas casadas son consideradas como una sola a los ojos de Dios, y si son consideradas como una sola por Dios mismo, nadie debe romper esa unión sagrada, por lo que mantenerse unidos y resolver las diferencias debe ser la principal prioridad que separar a las dos parejas.

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You can never raise a good family if you cannot handle the mental stresses that will constantly happen because otherwise it will not be good for you and your family.

Nunca podrás formar una buena familia si no puedes manejar las tensiones mentales que se producirán constantemente porque, de lo contrario, no será bueno para ti ni para tu familia.

But for myself I do not know if I would be glad that I am single or would be glad that I didn't marry. It is because I am feeling much vulnerable in the event that I would outlive my parents and then being alone by myself after that will definitely put me in a very precarious situation. So if I did married then there is someone that I can rely on to take care of me, but of course being unfit to marry just makes that possibility to never happen. That is why for myself there is a degree of regret in that regard that I was unable to meet the special someone of my life because of these complications that I might face in the future. Then it is weird that I am also feeling relieved that I didn't get to marry because I do not want to share my misfortune in life to that potential partner because being handicapped does really put a stress in relationships.

Pero yo no sé si me alegraría de estar soltera o de no haberme casado. Es porque me siento muy vulnerable en el caso de que sobreviva a mis padres y entonces estar sola después de eso me pondrá definitivamente en una situación muy precaria. Así que si me casara, habría alguien en quien podría confiar para cuidar de mí, pero, por supuesto, el hecho de no ser apto para el matrimonio hace que esa posibilidad nunca ocurra. Por eso, para mí hay un grado de arrepentimiento en ese sentido de no haber podido conocer a la persona especial de mi vida debido a estas complicaciones que podría enfrentar en el futuro. Entonces es extraño que también me sienta aliviada por no haber podido casarme porque no quiero compartir mi desgracia en la vida con esa pareja potencial porque ser discapacitada realmente pone una tensión en las relaciones.

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I am both regretful and thankful that I didn't marry. Regretful because I want to have a normal life like others with regards to raising a family. However I am thankful that I do not have to cause someone the burden of what I am going through from the past few decades of my peculiar life.

Estoy a la vez arrepentido y agradecido de no haberme casado. Lamentable porque quiero tener una vida normal como la de los demás en cuanto a formar una familia. Sin embargo, estoy agradecido por no tener que causar a alguien la carga de lo que estoy pasando por las últimas décadas de mi peculiar vida.

There are advantages and disadvantages in being single and being married, I happen to end-up being unmarried because of unforeseen circumstances. Some people that I know was not able to get married too even though they are healthy, so they also had been subjected to circumstances that made them being unmarried as well. But even though there are some "cons" of being married and being single, I still feel some regret that I ended to be unmarried because this fate is not my own choosing and it does make me feel vulnerable for my own future and it is not good to feel that way. So I just have to trust God on what the future holds for me because it seems like now I am a leaf being blown by the winds and helpless on where I will find myself in the future.

Hay ventajas y desventajas en ser soltero y estar casado, resulta que terminé siendo soltero por circunstancias imprevistas. Algunas personas que conozco no pudieron casarse también a pesar de estar sanas, por lo que también se vieron sometidas a circunstancias que les hicieron ser solteras también. Pero aunque hay algunos "contras" de estar casado y de ser soltero, todavía siento algo de arrepentimiento por haber terminado soltero porque este destino no es mi propia elección y me hace sentir vulnerable por mi propio futuro y no es bueno sentirse así. Así que tengo que confiar en Dios sobre lo que me depara el futuro, porque parece que ahora soy una hoja arrastrada por el viento y no puedo saber dónde me encontraré en el futuro.

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I am feeling more vulnerable now being alone particularly if I would outlive my parents. That is why I am trying to prepare if that would ever happen, so that at least I can be able to use my funds to hire some help that I will need in the future.

Ahora me siento más vulnerable al estar sola, sobre todo si sobrevivo a mis padres. Por eso estoy tratando de prepararme por si eso llegara a suceder, para que al menos pueda utilizar mis fondos para contratar alguna ayuda que necesite en el futuro.

Romance had been slippery, it has been sleek...

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...its always has been hard to for me to seek.

Translated in Filipino

Single pa rin ako pero hindi naghahanap ng makakasama, mukhang huli na ang lahat, pero hindi pa naman huli ang lahat kung malusog ako gaya ng normal na tao. Napakaraming dahilan kung bakit hindi ako karapat-dapat para sa isang kasal, ang isang pinakamalaking dahilan ay siyempre ako ay may sakit at pisikal na walang kakayahan sa pagpapalaki ng pamilya at pagbibigay ng kanilang mga pangangailangan na duda ko na maaari kong ibigay. Kaya matagal na akong sumuko sa ideyang magpakasal para sa bagay na iyon. Isa pa, naaalala ko na hindi ko hinangad na magkaroon ng isang relasyon noon, lalo na noong ako ay nasa Kolehiyo dahil naramdaman kong may mali na sa aking katawan at kailangan kong ayusin iyon bago iharap ang aking sarili sa isang potensyal na espesyal na tao.

Ngunit ang paghihintay sa pag-aayos ng aking katawan ay hindi nagresulta sa paborableng sitwasyon dahil ang aking katawan ay lumala lamang, naramdaman kong hindi na ako presentable sa kabaligtaran na isinasaalang-alang na ako ay likas na mahiyain at may isang inferiority complex na pinalala ng aking may sakit na katawan na ipinakikita rin ng payat na katawan. So after realizing that I am sick in those years I already had set-up my priorities differently, while other people in my age group end-up married, I myself concentrated in just trying to fix my body. Ngunit dahil sa kakulangan ng kakayahan sa pananalapi ang aking kalusugan ay lumala lamang at humantong sa akin na kalimutan na kahit na magplano sa isang relasyon.

Sa aking simbahan, itinuturo nila sa amin na kung gusto mong magpakasal dapat kang maging angkop na gawin ito. Dapat ay may malinaw kang paraan para kumita ng pera dahil siyempre hindi ka maaaring "magmahal" ng kumakalam na sikmura, hindi uubra, may mga mag-asawa na mag-aaway pa kung ano ang kakainin para sa araw na iyon at hindi iyon magtatapos nang maayos. Ang isang tao na gustong magpakasal ay dapat na matatag sa pananalapi na nangangahulugan na dapat silang magkaroon ng trabaho, negosyo, o kahit na ilang paraan upang kumita ng pera. Kung gayon ang isang tao ay dapat din ay pisikal na karapat-dapat na mag-asawa tulad ng sekswal dahil kailangan mong tuparin ang mga pangangailangan ng iyong kapareha sa bagay na iyon dahil kasama sa kasal ang mga sekswal na relasyon at hindi lamang pagsasama kung hindi ito gagana, hindi ito isang kasal.

Ngayon kung papasa ka sa dalawang nabanggit na salik na iyon kailangan mo ring makapasa sa psychological fitness para makapag-asawa, ibig sabihin ay handa ka na sa pag-iisip para gawin ito, mahal mo ang iyong kapareha at pareho mong i-work-out ang iyong bagong status ng pagiging kasal sa isa't isa dahil sa aking simbahan ang mga may-asawa ay nadidismaya sa diborsyo ay tinapos ang kanilang relasyon lalo na kung may mga anak na nasangkot na. Itinuturo sa atin ng bibliya na ang mga mag-asawa ay ibinibilang na iisa sa paningin ng Diyos at kung sila ay ibibilang ng Diyos mismo, kung gayon walang sinuman ang dapat sirain ang sagradong pagsasama na iyon, at kaya ang pagdikit sa isa't isa at paglutas ng mga pagkakaiba ay dapat ang pangunahing priyoridad kaysa sa. paghihiwalay ng dalawang mag-asawa.

Pero sa sarili ko hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ba ako na single ako o matutuwa na hindi ako nagpakasal. Ito ay dahil pakiramdam ko ay lubhang mahina kung sakaling mabuhay ako sa aking mga magulang at pagkatapos ay mag-isa ako pagkatapos nito ay tiyak na maglalagay sa akin sa isang napaka-delikadong sitwasyon. So if I did married then there is someone that I can rely on to take care of me, but of course being unfit to marry just makes that possibility to never happen. Kaya naman para sa sarili ko ay may isang antas ng panghihinayang sa bagay na iyon na hindi ko nakilala ang espesyal na tao sa aking buhay dahil sa mga komplikasyong ito na maaari kong harapin sa hinaharap. Saka nakakapagtaka na magaan din ang pakiramdam ko na hindi ako nakapag-asawa dahil ayokong ibahagi ang kasawian ko sa buhay sa potential partner na iyon dahil nakaka-stress talaga ang pagiging may kapansanan sa mga relasyon.

May advantages at disadvantages ang pagiging single at pagiging may asawa, I happen to end-up being unmarried because of unforeseen circumstances. Ang ilang mga tao na alam ko ay hindi rin nakapag-asawa kahit na sila ay malusog, kaya sila ay sumailalim din sa mga pangyayari na naging dahilan upang sila ay maging walang asawa. Ngunit kahit na may ilang "cons" ng pagiging may-asawa at pagiging walang asawa, nakakaramdam pa rin ako ng ilang panghihinayang na natapos akong maging walang asawa dahil ang kapalaran na ito ay hindi ko sariling pinili at ito ay nagpaparamdam sa akin na mahina para sa aking sariling kinabukasan at ito ay hindi. ang sarap sa pakiramdam. Kaya kailangan ko lang magtiwala sa Diyos sa kung ano ang hinaharap para sa akin dahil tila ako ngayon ay isang dahon na tinatangay ng hangin at walang magawa kung saan ko matatagpuan ang aking sarili sa hinaharap.

Sometimes things are beyond our control.

A veces las cosas están fuera de nuestro control.

Minsan ang mga bagay ay lampas sa ating kontrol.