Those With No Mom: A Snowy Drive to Meet Grandma, Grandkids, and a Film Proceeds Update
Wednesday evening I drove through the out-of-season blizzard conditions on rural roads around Lake Mille Lacs. My passenger was slumped over (or slumped back depending on her state). Her husband in the backseat smoked out the window.
I was driving this couple to the husband's mom's home, where she cared for two of the couple's children.
After almost three hours of what should have been a drive under two, we slowed along frosted trees to a white-covered driveway. Crawling toward the house, two kids came bouncing out. They greeted their parents with excitement the parents were unable to reciprocate. Heroin addiction takes a physical toll, and their neglect of parental duties has taken an even larger emotional one these parents have shared with me.
Still, the couple exited the car with a bag of belongings for their 10-year-old twin boy and girl.
Considering the circumstances surrounding the parents, I didn't expect such apparently happy, healthy children. I guess I forget how resilient children can be. Similarly, I didn't expect to see such a spacious, new home. From what I'd understand, the Tribe helped supply this house built just 12 years ago.
Soon after we entered, the husband introduced me to his mother, a frail woman who looked like she had been worn out trying to keep up with the two 4th graders. We sat near one another on separate couches forming an L-shape in the living room. Then I explained why I was there.
Each statement I shared legitimizing my documentary project and charity softened the grandmother's composure. She would explain she had been quite skeptical.
"A stranger making a film about the homeless camp and wanting to donate proceeds to help us?!" the grandmother had thought. Hearing about this from her addicted son, no less, she was concerned about this being some kind of scam.
But as she became comfortable, the grandma began to share her story. She enjoyed a career as a social worker in Minneapolis before retiring up on the Reservation. She noted the struggles she sees in the Native American community today vs. when she was growing up. She told me how she took guardianship of the twins. Grandma thought it would be for a brief period until her son and his wife could clean up. But that was eight years ago.
In making this documentary, I've thought about those hurt most by homelessness. It was easy to see the struggle of the people at The Wall homeless camp last year in Minneapolis. But what about those who are unseen--namely, the children of the campers? My survey of 100 residents there revealed almost half had children under 18. These children live with relatives or enter the foster care system, left in the hands of others as mom and/or dad live in a tent. And in the case of these two children, I thought of how they'll react to this documentary, because their mom and dad happen to be the "leads" in this film. This couple is featured throughout, as I interviewed them from August to December, speaking openly about their struggles with addiction and hopes to leave the camp and get their kids back. I imagine this may be intensely emotional for these two children to watch--if not now, then when they're older.
"I want to use film proceeds to help those most affected by the situation at The Wall and by this movie," I said to the grandmother. When I shared this, she welcomed the help for her two grandchildren.
This above story was particularly poignant to write on this Mother's Day holiday in the U.S.
In some communities in our country, it's rather common to see a father absent. But the mother? That's remains pretty rare. Yet, the stats above reveal the frequency of this with those in that camp.
Then yesterday, in a spiritual support group I attend, sat two men with adolescent children who've lost their wives (these young mothers) to illness. One shared that he worried how his kids would respond on this day.
I'm fortunate to have not just an incredible mother, but a loving step-mom and a sister and two sisters-in-law who all raise nieces and nephews in the family. There are amazing examples of motherhood all over. Appreciation for them is clearer when seeing those who are lacking.
One week from tonight, I'll be in a dark, crowded theater looking around wondering how this first audience feels about our documentary. Some of you may be there. Others perhaps are attending the showing on June 3. https://www.facebook.com/events/273108236898104
To the rest of you, I look forward to telling you how the screenings go.
Finally, to all the mothers out there, I wish you a heartfelt Happy Mother's Day:)