"I am confused by a new guy who makes me feel new things. Am I being disloyal?"
Hello,
I need your urgent advice!
I don’t know what to think anymore. I have been in a relationship for the past five years and everything has been quite OK. You know, ups and downs as with most couples. Now my family is pressing us to get married but I have a problem because a few years ago I met a guy during a course and we felt this “click” between us. Since then he has been appearing in my life every so often, on and off, and each time it happens I fall in love again and I am totally overwhelmed.
Then I remind myself that I am already in a relationship and my inner turmoil stops.
Recently, after two years without connection, we met again and I am more confused than ever. What am I supposed to do about it all? What should I do with him? And with my current relationship? This new guy makes me feel things and I keep wondering if it means I am not satisfied with my boyfriend? Does the fact that I feel “butterflies” for the new guy mean I am disloyal to my boyfriend?
Hi,
Indeed you ask yourself what would be the best decision? To leave your boyfriend or marry him? Or perhaps leave him for a short while until the situation becomes clearer?… you hesitate to share your thoughts with him, afraid of hurting him or afraid of the consequences!
People sometimes wrongly think that a romantic relationship is built on one (and only one) of the following three forces: the force of Love, the force of Eros and the force of sexuality. Some go a little further and mix two of these forces and only a small proportion of couples really manage to concoct a mixture of the three.
A genuine relationship is almost always initiated by Eros which is one of the strongest forces in the universe. Eros brings initial excitement, “butterflies”, passion, newness, longing and of course, physical attraction. Eros signals to the individuals that “there may be something real here; a potential for a connection that springs from the deeper levels of the soul and not only superficial physical attraction”. This initial sensation is important and must not be compromised.
Once a chance is given to it and the relationship is allowed to develop and prosper, Love arrives. This is the exceptional joining of a soul with its peer and brings to the individuals feelings of tranquility, security, calmness and belonging as they have never felt before. And it should be noted that sometimes, but not always, time plays a part in the unfolding of this process.
Eros resembles Love and can easily be confused with it partly because both forces allow the individuals to momentarily forsake their egotistical impulses and lavish genuine affection on each other. To the same extent, some confuse Eros with the sexual drive due to the similar intensity of these two forces.
Eros plays an extremely necessary role in the process. It is an important milestone on the way towards TrueLove because without it the soul would remain lazy, without the passion and striving to discover its authentic self.
The bottom line for you is this: the new guy, the one who keeps popping into your life mirrors Eros to you, that primal force that you have neglected or falsely thought you could do without. It is not a Big Love (yet) and it certainly cannot be compared to five years of relationship.
Your challenge from now on will be to discover why Eros left your old relationship if it was there at all in the first place, and how you can bring it back.
It will be a mistake to assume that you and your boyfriend no longer share love. On the contrary, you have reached a place not many couples recognize and the question is how you will choose to carry on from here.
Together or separately.
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