To be a Master of Relationships, chapter 48 – The Second Phase, Releasing
A memoir
How can you know when the time has come to move forward from the processing phase to the releasing phase? Which are the signs that could lead you to understand and know that indeed you have completed processing your personality – a great challenge in itself – and you are mentally and spiritually ready to proceed on your journey?! Many would tell you that in the spiritual realms time is meaningless; everything happens simultaneously and therefore any division of phases and stages is pointless.
)There is great truth in the notion that everything happens at the same ‘time’. Still, a human being's growth is a process that can be continuously grasped by the mind. Because we live here, with both our feet on the ground, and not hovering in divine worlds with angels and fairies we have no choice but to reckon our growth as a multi-layered process, much like a ladder, on which we advance one step at a time; from the processing phase to the releasing phase to the reuniting phase.
It is true that no voice from heaven will come out to assure you that you are now ready and worthy to climb the ladder. Nevertheless, there is a point in the process when you will know that it’s high time you carried on to the releasing phase.
Let’s get acquainted with that point.
One of the prominent and wonderful characters of the processing phase was the fact that every relationship that you have had, be it with colleagues, relatives, spouses, or strangers, incisively reflected back your current situation on the journey. Each quarrel, every dispute, the minute expression of affection, each hug, and every compliment – all reflected your array of beliefs, your level of self-esteem and how far you have come in working on your personality. Our relationships are a most effective tool to create genuine and rapid change because we are emotionally affected by them to a large extent. With the help of your relationships, you improved yourself, developed virtues, changed beliefs, upraised your self-esteem, learned to retrain your ego and understood that your feelings can serve as a valuable compass when interacting with others. Your careful awareness of your personal life and the close attention you gave to your relationships taught you what to change, what to expand, what is appropriate and how to act upon your decisions. In that fashion, you have grown moving from one relationship to the next while witnessing the outcomes with satisfaction.
The point in time occurs when you realize that your lessons begin to repeat themselves. For example – let’s say you were in a romantic relationship during which you have realized that you had attracted that relationship in order to learn the lessons of “self-esteem” and “giving before receiving”. When the relationship ended you promised yourself that in the next relationship you would implement those two learned lessons and would not waste any more time. And indeed, the following relationship arrived and you, rather early, realized that it’s not your True-Love but another lesson, this time the fidelity one. You gathered your strengths to cross that relationship and when it was ended you promised yourself that in your next relationship you would implement the fidelity lesson along with the previous lessons (“self-esteem” and “giving before receiving”). The next relationship did arrive and you felt wonderfully in love. Both you and your partner were able to express yourselves fully – to be loving, giving, thoughtful, trusting, deserving, creating. However, suddenly things shook and you notice that this new relationship is actually reflecting back to you the lesson of “self-esteem”.
“One moment”, you said to yourself, “what’s going on here? I have already learned that lesson. I have already changed my beliefs and have already done the necessary inner work! Why do I experience another failed relationship? What is the message for me?!”
And exactly here is the point! The message is coming from the kingdom of realization as a thundering sign to tell you that you are over with the processing phase. That long and tedious work is completed. You should congratulate yourself for that because your work was not easy and you managed to retrain your entire personality to match it with the essence of your master self. From now on, the events that will happen in your life will not be about you. You will not need to ask “what is the lesson for me here?”, “what should I learn from this failed relationship? “What did I do wrong?”, “why have I created that event in my life?” It will no longer be about you!
One discerning note is necessary though – you must be honest with yourself. Have you really implemented the lessons from your journey?! Have you really “given before received”?! Do you really and truly believe in your realization, desire it and would not compromise for anything less?!
The lessons from the processing phase must be carried out or else they would return and you would feel that you are moving from one bad relationship to the next: “I met another un-thoughtful man”, “I dated another needy woman”. Only when you can really and truly declare that you have done everything that was necessary, all the “right things” in the relationship, then you would also know that the processing phase is over.
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