HOW TO MANAGE WHIMS

image source

What is a whim?

A whim is not a perverse manipulation of the child contrary to what many parents think.
It must be understood that for a long time the child is in what is called the principle of immediate pleasure. He can not understand that he can postpone his pleasure. The adults are already struggling to agree to postpone action, anticipate, imagine a child! He exclaims. So he wants things right away: I'm hungry, I want to eat immediately.

image source
The principle of education is based precisely on the ability to bring one's child to accept that all is not immediate pleasure.
"You can not have everything right now in life, and you're not alone“.
These are the two educational foundations that parents must convey. He will gradually understand that he can have a lot of satisfaction in the medium and long term.
This is what is called passing from the principle of immediate pleasure to the reality principle.

The importance of the authority upstream

When a child comes to do a lot of little quirks, it is because there were no requirements from parents upstream, and there were plenty of small transgressions during the day. The relationship between parents and children is a kind of contract. It does not have to be everything for the child. Do not let him monopolize the speech during the meal, play with him a time without spending the day answering all his requests, ask him to bring his bowl back into the kitchen after breakfast ...
If the child has had the full powers all day, how do you expect that in the evening it will be different?
Your child will not go to bed, eat his vegetables, etc.

A few whims, it's normal, they all try to be in immediate pleasure, but a multitude of small whims proves a great intolerance to frustrations.

The solutions : Avoid "5 Ss"

• Stimulation: Do not do things with your child all the time.
• Over-consumption: do not force-feed games, foods, TV.
• Overprotection: do not constantly ask him if he is thirsty, hungry, hot ...
• Surcommunication: do not talk to him too much. He becomes a true litigant, always in the language, in the argumentation.
• Overvaluation: do not tell him constantly that everything he does is wonderful, extraordinary. This attitude develops their ego too much. And the more the ego is hypertrophied, the less the reality principle exists.
  There is no question of forbidding everything or not doing a little bit of all this, it is the "on" which is to be avoided.

Establish habits

Habits learn frustration, so they are essential. Little by little, the child accepts for example to go from the funny bath to the daily shower. Initially, it's difficult and he gets used to it. It will be the same later with homework. He will see that he will still have some work to do after his day, he will do it by habit. This attitude will be fundamental in accepting the constraints of his future life. The role of the parents is to gradually bring the child to show him that there are small moments where we do not always do what we want, where it is a little more difficult, where he must make an effort,

Knowing how to say no

image source
To know how to say no is simply to bring your child back to reality and explain to him that he can not get everything. It is a brake on the omnipotence of the child.
Of course, you explain to your child the reason for your refusal, but you must not repeat it to him several times a day.

Set up a family code

Humans need codes, We have a Criminal Code, a Civil Code, a Highway Code, a Tax Code, so I suggest that parents set up a family code.
The principle: establish rules, explain them to children and give them a green light or a red light according to their attitude.

Be consistent in the family

You need to make sure that those around you are consistent in their attitude towards your child. If your child constantly cuts you off during the meal and his grandparents forbid him, he may be very angry.
Ask yourself these questions: are you coherent between husband and wife? Are you consistent within the siblings?

How to react when the whim comes up?

Outside

image source
You are at the supermarket, your child walks past the toy department and absolutely wants you to buy one. You refuse, it's the crisis.If he behaves this way, you come back immediately. And you find a penalty once returned home. The child must know that such a crisis is not acceptable. This is part of the family code that you have put in place. In the evening, he may be deprived of his favorite cartoon or his little nursery rhyme. In general, children who have a crisis in a supermarket are those who have gone through all the red lights all day.

At home

You are at home, it is a whim and becomes unmanageable: time out! You put it in a neutral room (not the corner, not the cellar) and you do not communicate with him for several minutes.
He keeps on? You add ten minutes.
And when he is calmed, he will have the right to join you.