Back to JavaScript, getting bullied in my childhood story, trying out a Dermapen for hair loss and My Actifit Report Card: February 11 2019

Today I took a drive down to Charleston and walked to my regular coffee shop I go to there. There I worked on my JavaScript learning, something that I had been slacking on for a couple of weeks.

I then headed to my therapist and sat in his waiting room and I sat, and I sat, and I sat. Now this guy sometimes runs over with clients, and he's done it with me so I'm not bothered by sitting around, but eventually it got to thirty minutes after the time I thought we were meeting. I figured by then I'd just wait another thirty minutes to see if I wrote the time wrong by an hour. I called him and left a message on his voicemail, but he didn't call back. So I read stuff on my phone and then, sure enough another 35 min go by and no psychologist shows up so I decide to leave.

From there I drove to the battery, near the tip of Charleston and walked around for an hour or so to get some exercise and chill out. I drove home and then lifted some weights, even managed to force myself into doing the dreaded leg weight training. After that I took a shower and then tried out a thing I recently bought called a dermapen. So, what is a dermapen? It is a mechanical device that uses small needles to poke holes in your skin, stimulating your body to produce more collagen and has been found to actually cause hair growth in men who are balding. (Here is a thread on reddit - the place where I first heard about this - talking about it

And, well, I've been balding for quite a while. I am sorry to say that I'm and insecure dude when it comes to my looks, in fact that's one of the reasons I began to start working out and watching my health so much...

And here's a beautiful fun story for ya about the dude writing all this...

When I was a young kid - elementary school to middle school - I was fat. I didn't like being fat, and felt insecure. I remember being worried to take my shirt off to go swimming even in elementary school, but I began to really be upset with it when I started to get bullied over it. Of course, I wasn't just bullied because of my weight, oh if only that were the case, I was actually a very sensitive kid, kind-hearted, and a bit more feminine then the average boy. My flight, fight, freeze response was dutifully set on freeze and I panicked anytime any guy would try and mess with me. I still think back and wish I had actually just done something, anything, instead I would just sit there and take the bullying and never spoke up. So I was like a lamb set in a land of lions, the weight was just one more thing that older boys would use against me when terrorizing me.

By middle school, I was thinking, rather dumbly I later found out, if I lose the weight and deal with my shyness, I'll improve my self esteem and get girls to like me and get friends and I will prosper and everything will be right in the world! Well I couldn't deal with the shyness, and even though I did lose the weight my self esteem never popped into existence, I just focused on more and more things that were wrong with me and spent the rest of my school days worrying and dealing with getting bullied. By the time high school was over I had developed huge self hatred, my shyness blossomed into full blown intense social anxiety, depression loomed over me every day, and I had to deal with different psychological/emotional problems that I still deal with today even though I'm well into my thirties. It's bullshit to know that it was probably primarily getting bullied that screwed me up so much. It's one of those things you tell yourself, it's in the past, it's time to let go and move on, but life is never that easy is it? Though, my eternally mildly depressed, low key toxic, alcoholic father didn't exactly help matters either, I should add.

Negative early life issues. I equate it to the grinch standing at the top of a mountain, forming a snow ball, and letting it roll down the hill. Maybe the original snow ball wasn't too big, but it rolled down and built up, getting bigger and bigger, knocking down trees, building up steam until it's a giant ball of doom heading towards the hooville of my mind.

LOL, Shit sucks man...

Anyways, to get back to the dermapen, I actually got hair transplants before, like I said, I'm insecure, and take finasteride, but I figured why not try out this dermapen deal. Well, the first trial didn't go very well. I started on a way too high of a depth for the needles and made a gash in the side of my head. Now, a little bleeding is supposed to be okay, but this was more like I just didn't look right. I lowered the depth of the needles and continued onwards. I do worry a little, I'm not sure whether using this will interfere with the transplanted hairs, but I think it should be okay. Since I was already using the dermapen, I lowered the depth again and decided to do it on my face as well as it is supposed to make your skin essentially "de-age". So, figured why not poke some micro perforations in my face while I'm at it.

And so now my face and top of my head looks, well, just a wee bit red. We'll see how if this works or damages me irreparably.

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Walking, Weight Lifting