"Can I ever get over my ex? Can one forget one's first love?"

Hi Nomad,

I have a problem that surely bothers many people. I am quite young (22) and until 10 months ago I had a boyfriend whom I really loved with all my heart. We were together for 2 years and he was my first and most profound love.

But something happened and he broke up with me, saying he didn’t see a future for us and that I should look for another man. That was devastating for me to say the least but I accepted his request. He didn’t leave me much choice, did he?

Recently I heard he was getting married. I am happy for him but I do not know what to do because you see, I am still very much in love with him. I think about him a lot and almost every night I cry. I feel so lost; don’t know what to do with these feelings of loneliness…

Will I ever forget this first love of mine or am I doomed to remain attached to him forever?

Galia

Credit: Refik Anadol

Galia,

This is indeed a recurring question but there is a remedy!

First, let me say that you describe well and authentically a real situation which is a legitimate part of the growth and psychic evolution of every human. So first congratulate yourself for bringing this opportunity for expansion into your life.

Indeed, your thoughts and feelings take you back to your ex-boyfriend and that makes you miss him terribly. However, you have already taken the first, important step in choosing to disconnect from him altogether and to carry on with your life.

Past relationships - and not only first love – that had a massive emotional essence are not meant to be forgotten. They are like distant countries that you once visited and now have photos to remind you of. They are the wondrous puzzle that comprises our lives. We will occasionally reflect on them and rejoice on the wisdom we gained and the gifts received but that must be all.

It has to stop right there!

If we want to live fully, up to our grandest potential, we cannot drag any emotional baggage from the past to the present and on into the future. In order for you to create your next loving relationship which will be complete and bounteous as you deserve, you must detach from your past. You must cut the emotional strings that still connect you to your ex-boyfriend. Of course, you will still occasionally have images of him and memories of your shared experiences but that will be all!

Obviously, this is not your current condition and you need to do some inner work.

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How to disconnect?

There is a certain method that works miraculously but it demands plenty of self-discipline and perseverance. How long will it take? Normally 1-2 months providing you implement the following guidelines with devotion:

• Look out for any objects and artifacts that you have in your belongings which remind you of your ex - letters, clothes, photos – and throw them away. Make a clean and free space for yourself which will be exempt from his presence.
• As tempting as it might be - avoid any connection with him. Tell yourself that he belongs to the past and that you have reached a new phase whereof he doesn’t fit any longer. If he tries to contact you – refuse. Erase his contact information from your notebook, your list of email addresses, your calendar, socal media, etc. Do not delude yourself that you can remain friends. It will not work in your current situation. You may indeed feel guilty for being so “rude” but there is no other choice. Remind yourself that he has moved on and has a new spouse and that you also deserve to have love in your life.
• Each time you find yourself thinking about him or remembering him, remind yourself that you have made a choice to move on. Then do the following exercise: focus on your body and your breath. Breathe deeply and imagine the air going in and filling all your cells. Then imagine it leaving your body. Do it 3-5 times while you think intently and consciously about the breathing process. It will amaze you how this small exercise manages to re-balance you and brings your thoughts back to the present and away from him.

Remember, Galia, the key element here is disconnection! Detachment! You are changing your perspective about the sense of Gravity. You no longer allow gravity to pull you back to the tar pits of emotions and entanglement towards him.

Soon your mental practice will be followed by emotional detachment and then your energy field will get clearer and freer to allow new love to enter your life.

When that moment comes you will look back and praise yourself for your courage and inner strength. Then, bathe in the new love that the Master you have magically created for the human you.

Good luck!