"How to find the strength to leave?"

in #advice5 years ago

Hi Nomad-magus,

I have been married for four years and I feel that I cannot live this way any longer. I feel clogged, choked and generally stressed. How does one find the strength to leave? The relationship puts so much pressure on me and I feel drained as if I was a little slave boy. I do not want it anymore and I realize I have a problem. How do I get out?

Arun

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Credit: Davide Gasparetti Italian graffiti artist

Arun,

The attitude that you exercise when you say: “I have a problem” is very healthy because it means that you take responsibility for your life. In other words, it means that you keep the power within, not giving it away. Anyone who merely begins to use such an attitude will instantly feel empowered.

Your next question should be to yourself to find out why you feel so small in the first place. Refrain from blaming your spouse by saying: “She does this and that and says things that make me small…”. Rather, ask yourself instead time and again “Why do I feel like this?” Your personal inquiry will get you deeper and closer to your core beliefs about yourself and will reveal your worldviews about life in general and relationships in particular.

I’ll give you a hint – no need to look for answers in your past, in your childhood or in the way your parents or teachers raised you. The answers are right here in your thoughts and your attitudes towards life.

For instance, do you believe that a relationship can give you a platform for growth and expansion so you can become freer, or on the contrary, do you believe that your commitments bind and restrict you?!

Once you begin the inner process, change will magically appear. It does not mean that love will suddenly have found you or that your spouse will have turned into a fairy. It will be You who will have changed beyond the daily difficulties that you currently experience.

There is here a difference of the utmost importance because it clarifies for you in the most obvious way that the power to run and change your life is solely yours. So much so that if other hardships might occur in the future you will know how to handle them from a conscious place of power. You will know that the way you think, feel and act does have a real influence on events, on your spouse and on your relationship. You will, therefore, be able to take care of future difficulties in a smooth, clear and efficient way leading toward an appropriate solution.

As to 'how to get out' - well, you just do it. You may be angry with me now - "what does he mean just do it?", if it was so simple i'd have done it long ago. But I am telling you that it is. Do a reality check and you will soon realize that at the end of the day there is nothing that forces you to remain in the cage, no matter how golden that cage is. You are a free bird. I know this, your master self knows this, your husband knows this, and all of us want you to realize this. can you? Can you become free in your consciosuness? It's not your relationships that makes you feel chocked and clogged, but you. The human you that feels the call of the master, the I AM, and wants to break free.


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