JAMES BONG - Agent of Anarchy - Episode 19

Miss Moneybit is contacted by an ancap seasteading pioneer.  Or is he?

Scene 1

At K’s place in Acapulco, K is hacking away on multiple keyboards with Symphy, and Bong is just finishing up his morning workout with sit-ups.    

Bong (finished, exhales deeply):  And 250.    
K:  Show off.

Bong:  Have you ever done a sit-up?
K:  Nope.  No need.  I’m naturally chiseled.

Bong:  I’m not sure chiseled is quite the correct word for your physique.  Have you ever tried to do a sit-up?
K: Well, no, not really.

Miss Moneybit bursts energetically onto the scene.

K:  Hey, whatever happened to knocking?
Moneybit (sarcastic):  I thought our relationship was past that.

Bong:  Your timing is impeccable, actually.  K was just about to do one sit-up.   
Moneybit (rolls eyes):  Right.  Anyway, I’m so excited! I was just contacted by Elon Shiller!

K:  The super-eccentric Ancap billionaire?
Moneybit:  Yep!  You know how he’s been building an independent seasteading community infrastructure?

Bong and K look at each other and shrug.

Moneybit (hands on hips);  I told you guys about this over a year ago!

Bong (cringing):  Ah, yes, sure, I remember now.
Moneybit:  Sure ya do….Anyway, he’s invited me to take a personal tour of the whole project! And I can bring whoever I want!

K:  Wow! Cool, so who’s going with you?
Moneybit:  You two!

K:  Really? Why?
Moneybit:  I have no idea. 

K:  That’s very tempting, but I can’t leave the lair.
Moneybit:  You’re joking.

Bong:  He’s not joking.  When was the last time you left the lair, K?
K:  You don’t really expect me to remember that, do you?

Moneybit looks off into the distance, and appears to be contemplating something disturbing.

Bong:  Moneybit, you ok?

Moneybit:  Yeah, just wondering how many wrong turns I made to end up with you two as my top picks to go on this trip.  (sighs) So you’re both coming, right?

K:  I dunno, maybe.
Moneybit:  Come on! It’s a technological marvel!

K (excited):  It is! Why didn’t ya say so?
Moneybit:  I thought it was painstakingly obvious.

K:  I’m in! Bong?
Bong (reluctant):  I’ll go.  But not because I think I’ll enjoy it.  Just simply to watch your back.

Moneybit:  Awww, that’s sweet, James.
Bong:  Well, honestly, I was more concerned with K.  I know you can handle yourself, Moneybit.    

Scene 2

The next day, K, Moneybit, and Bong are on the verge of leaving K’s lair.  Moneybit and Bong are standing by the front door with Symphy.  There is a large stack of assorted luggage leaning against the wall.    

Bong:  Moneybit, is all this really necessary? It’s only one weekend.    
Moneybit:  Yeah, that’s why I’ve only got one small bag.

Bong:  You mean all this is K’s?

K scurries in, wearing oversized shades, a fedora, baggy cargo shorts, and a Hawaiian shirt buttoned all the way to the top. He’s also carrying an umbrella.    

K:  Ok, let’s roll!   
Bong:  K, are you relocating?  What’s with all the bags?

K:  Just the essentials.  Can you start loading it in the seaplane for me? 

Bong:  If you can’t carry it yourself, you can’t bring it.  And what’s with the umbrella? There isn’t a cloud in the sky.
K:  It’s a sunbrella, thank you very much.  I’ve gotta gradually ease my way back into the sun.   

Moneybit:  Please don’t embarrass me in front of Mr. Shiller.
Bong:  That’s like asking the sky to not appear blue.  

K (to Symphy):  Symphy, this is your first time being alone.  Take good care of the lair.
Symphy:  Yes, K.

K:  Don’t forget to run the maintenance on the holo-imager.
Symphy:  Yes, K.

K:  And the keyboards are due for a good dusting.
Symphy:  Yes, K.

Moneybit:  Symphy, if you find him annoying, feel free to make a snide remark.
Symphy:  I am not programmed to make snide remarks.

Moneybit:  Want me to do it for you?
Symphy (smiling):  That is a nice gesture, Miss Moneybit.  Thank you.

Scene 3

Bong has just landed the seaplane near the vast seasteading project of Elon Shiller.  An automated walkway extends itself from a large floating platform to the seaplane.  As the three make their way down the walkway, an energetic Elon Shiller is waving hello and yelling greetings from the platform.

Bong (whispering to moneybit):  Eccentric and flamboyant, looks like.
Moneybit:  A nice contrast to your steelyness, Bong.

Elon rushes in and hugs Moneybit.

Elon:  A pleasure to meet you, darling! (looks at Bong)  And let me guess...this is the undeniable Mr. Bong! (holds out hand, Bong reluctantly shakes, then Elon turns to K) And who’s this?

K (flamboyant):  The indestructible Mr. K.
Bong (sarcastic):  We can leave him on the plane, if you want.  

Elon (motioning towards the entrance to what appears to be a huge suacer-shaped ship) Please, let’s have lunch and I’ll tell you all you want to know about the first free, voluntary, human settlement on earth!
 

Scene 3

Bong and Co. are having lunch with Elon Shiller in an underwater dining room. Colorful sea creatures on all sides pass by.

Bong:  So you say that there will be no external government here, is that right?

Shiller:  Exactly! Only internal government! Only one law, that is, Natural Law! And I expect that many others will be pursuing similar aims in the near future, Mr. Bong.  And I want you and Miss Moneybit to be a part of it! At the very least, give some street cred to my project in the anarchist community, for lack of a better term.

K (wipes mouth with forearm):  This is delicious, by the way.  So you’re going to live here?
Shiller:  Most of the time, yes.

Moneybit:  How many “houses” do you have to sell?
Shiller:  Ten right now, and they’re already sold.  Most of them are my friends, and others passed the test.

Bong:  Test?
Shiller:  Yes, a one question test.  They have to tell me the definition of a “wrong”. If they don't know that, then I'd prefer to not live near them.  

K:  Clever.  Will you have internet?
Shiller:  No, we’ll be in the stone ages…..just kidding.  Yes, of course!

Bong:  Have you had any trouble with the government gang?
Shiller (face sours slightly, hesitates):  No, no, none of any significance to speak of.   

K: What about electricity?
Shiller:  Right now, mostly Ocean Thermal Nano Conversion, which also helps desalinize the water, by the way.  2 birds, one stone, that sort of deal.

Moneybit:  What about food? Will you ship it all in?

Shiller (scoffs):  Heavens no! I’ve already got enough aquaculture to be self-sufficient and will soon have enough to trade.  But I don’t want to bore you all with the nuts and bolts of the operation! Let me give you the tour! See for yourself!

Shiller guides them around the vast structures of the budding small town.  Various bubble and sub shaped houses and other “buildings” for utility and recreation, all located at varying depths.  While on the tour, Bong repeatedly spots tiny circular dots fixed high on the walls.  Bong considers asking what purpose they serve, but decides it might be better to research the matter later, so he takes 3D photos with his smartwatch. 

Scene 4

After a weekend of wining and dining, Bong, K, and Moneybit return to K’s place in Acapulco.  K is the color of a deep red lobster from head to toe.    

Symphy:  Welcome home.
K:  Thanks Symphy,  I’m never going out again.    

Bong (huffs):  Poor Symphy.

Moneybit:  So that was awesome, right, guys? I’m gonna do a full report on it on dtube.    
Bong:  I love the concept, but I can’t commit to endorsing it just yet.

Moneybit:  Why, what’s wrong?
Bong:  I’ve got to look into it further.

Moneybit (narrows eyes):  Hmmm, Bong, what are you up to? What’s the deal?

Bong:  Probably nothing.  (turns to Symphy) Symphy, might I have a word?
K:  What about me? You need my help?

Bong:  Symphy will do just fine.  Go take an aloe bath or something.  You’re painful just to look at.
Moneybit:  K’s bathing, that’s my cue to leave! (Moneybit walks out)

Bong and Symphy go into the main core of K’s techno lair.  K trails gingerly behind.

Bong (sarcastic):  Don’t trust me alone with your robot?
K:  I just don’t want an amateur like you messing up any of the equipment in my lair.

Bong loads photos into the holo-projector.

Bong:  Symphy, do you recognize this?
Symphy:  It appears to be some type of human dwelling.

K:  You have to be more specific, Bong.
Bong:  Right.  (zooms in on the circular object on the wall in question) This.  Do you know its function or its composition?

Symphy:  It is not an apparatus that I am familiar with.  I am analyzing for content and practical usage.  One moment.    

K:  What are you getting at, Bong? 

Bong:  It might be nothing, but I noticed something when I asked Shiller about government gang interference.  His demeanor changed.  He hesitated.  And then I noticed hundreds of these tiny devices attached to the walls of every structure in the complex.    

Symphy:  Analysis complete.  It appears to be a synthetic, multi-functional, adaptive nano-material.
Bong:  In English?

K:  It’s a nano-material that can serve multiple functions simultaneously, but with the added twist that it’s programmed to change into other functions on command.  It’s been rumored to exist, but not proven.

Bong:  Until now.  Symphy, do you know the functions?
Symphy:  It appears to have three functions.  Energy conduit, air pressure monitor, and data collection.

Bong:  Data collection? What kind of data collection?
Symphy:  Video, audio, and meta are all confirmed.

Bong:  Is there one not confirmed?
Symphy:  I speculate that gathering of cognitive data is also done with this device.    

Bong and K share a wide-eyed look.

K:  Anarchist in name only, not in practice, looks like.

Bong:  That’s an understatement.  Symphy, can you speculate on other nano-functions that are not currently operating?
Symphy:  Based on all available data, there could theoretically be 888 more functions for this device.    

Bong:  How many that could have the primary purpose of harming life?
Symphy:  Theoretically, twenty might have the primary purpose of intentionally harming life.

K:  Twenty secret ways to kill, huh?

Bong gets up to leave.

K:  Where are you going?
Bong:  To play twenty questions with Mr. Shiller. 

Stay tuned for episode 20!

Thanks for your time and attention!

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Top image is from pixabay