BEASTLY TALES

HUMBLE PIE

Elmer’s voice was high pitched, adenoidy.
But still he liked to talk a lot, most “woidy”
Well, wordy, if you prefer, he talked a lot!
Elmer liked talking about Elmer, the clot!
Self-opinionated, self-indulging was this Elmer chap,
Self-important, self-righteous in a flap.
Self-seeking and self-willed too.
Talk about anyone else, he’ll ask, Who?

Yes, Elmer was number one, in his own eyes.
To consider anything else would cause him surprise.
“Numero Uno,” they would call me in Spain,
Everyone else would be down the drain.
One day he was invited, a key-note speaker to be.
Why Elmer? Hardly the humblest of men, you’ll agree.
At a conference on ecumenical matters,
“Humility” was the themed subject for patters.
Elmer, with next to no persuasion,
Rose with gallantry to that occasion,
“No-one is more humble than me!”
“I’m number one, at humility!”
The audience looked uncertain, then began clapping.
In a desultory way, applause over-lapping.
One remarked loudly, to one and all,
“He reminds me of Mr Toad, of Toad Hall!”

Elmer joined the crowd for refreshments at three,
Afternoon tea, to you and me.
“I enjoyed your key note address,” one lied.
Words that conveyed humility acceptance implied.
Elmer responded, “Ah, yes,” looking devout,
“I’m not one, my own praises to shout!”
The assembled group gave a combined snigger.
Elmer, blowing his own trumpet, always seemed bigger.
“I feel sorry for those without humility,”
“Some of them are also lacking in civility.”
So the activity of that day, drew to a close,
Elmer’s cheeks looking chalky, not rose.
As he said his farewells to those ecumenical grandees.
He couldn’t help thinking them to look like dandies.
And here was Elmer, one of those noble Ghandis.