BEASTLY TALES

DISTILLATION

Old Joe should be charged with impersonating a tortoise,
He bobbed his wrinkled head up and down, as though he’d caught us,
All the while babbling, without let up.
Smiling inanely, what a dismal set up!

Old Joe, surnamed Turpentine,
Was given to drinking whisky and wine.
He decided, as he saw liquor prices rising
To invent his own brand, hardly surprising!
Old Joe had won prizes growing turnips.
He’d heard of a strong drink, taken in small nips.
Turnip-wine, that’s what it was called,
He’d go one step further, he was so galled!
He’d devise a recipe for turnip whisky,
Such a concoction would make anyone frisky.

And so he burnt the midnight oil,
Experimenting, testing, his still on the boil.
“Bung in some turnips, parsnips, swedes too,”
“And think up some others from the Vege Who’s Who.”
“Bring ‘er up to the boil, while adding sugar.”
“An’ be sure to keep stirring, you lazy bugger!”

After years of research and training,
Old Joe’s still exploded, and it was raining!
Yes, raining drops of turnip hooch,
Old Joe licked his lips, and started to smooch.
“It’s delicious, and potent too!”
“Eureka! I’ve invented the perfect brew!”