BEASTLY TALES

PARDON?

“I am going to prove today, that not only is the accused guilty as Hell,”
“But also he is innocent of not being guilty as well”
So said the prosecutor to the court.
Any other conclusion would count for nought,
“I call the accused for an examination cross,”
“He has, a few facts, to us he should toss.”
“Now, Sir, you look as guilty as hell,”
“Time to confess, as you know darn well.”
“Did you, on the fourth of July,”
“Accost Jeremy Pickets, as to just why,”
“He had made overtures to your soon to be wed,”
“In fact, he suggested something about bed.”
“In a bout of picques and rages,”
“Did you then clobber him with a voluminous Yellow Pages?”

And so the court procedures dragged out.
The quest for a guilty count for the lout.
“Let’s hear the cross examination for the defence.”
So said the old judge from his bench immense.
“There is no defence,” said the court clerk.
“We know he is guilty. We know he’s a jerk.”
“We surely know he used the Yellow Pages”
“As a weapon, in one of his rages.”
“The subject volume, at the crime scene was found.”
“It was right there, no messing around.”
“And more, it was open at the page for Funeral Directors”
“Not a coincidence for such unscrupulous defectors”
“An indication as to the sinister intent,”
“That must have been on the mind of this young gent!”
“Grievous Bodily Harm, that’s the very charge,”
“That, undoubtedly, will stop the assailant from being at large,”
“And, if it pleases your Honour,”
“We should sentence right now, to ensure he’s a goner!”

“Not so fast!” The judge had his say,
“Where is the Jury, on this day?”
It seemed such an open and shut case,
That we sent them away, a real disgrace.
The court finds the defendant guilty as charged,
And with further research the case could be enlarged.
Yellow Pages, an important Tome,
Should not be abused, at work or at home.
Scandalous to see it used in this fashion,
In, obviously, what is a crime of passion.
The accused is sentenced to three months of hard labour,
Collecting Yellow Pages (superseded) from friend and neighbour,
Not only that, but the whole neighbourhood.
Down to the recycling bin. That understood?
The accused, hanging his head in shame,
Sniffled, “I’m ever so sorry, but not to blame.”
“The victim’s behaviour was so out of line,”
“I felt some corrective action would be just fine.”
Said the judge, “You can’t take the Law into your own hands.”
“You can’t make your own rules and demands.”
“I ought to cite you for contempt of court.”
“You are deserving of it! Really I ought!”