BEASTLY TALES

QUICK DRAW MacGRAW

Hanna Hawg lived in outback Tennessee,
In the mountains, trees, trees was all that she could see.
She had a pine cabin, at the end of a track,
A simple affair, with sides, front and back.
A log fire was for warming and cooking,
But still there were trees, where-ever you were looking.
Now Hanna didn’t want any fuss,
So, for security, she carried a blunderbuss.
One of those early shot guns, with a trumpet-like barrel,
Ideal for settling any type of quarrel.
It could be loaded with just about anything small.
Pebbles, stones, chain and buckshot and ball.
Powered by a paper wad of gunpowder,
When it boomed off it’s shot, there was nothing louder.

“We’re very isolated here,” so said Hanna, but without fear.
“We only drink water, can’t afford beer.”
“Elijah Pickin’s our nearest neighbour, ten miles away.”
“He’s a crazy old man, most old and grey.”
“My boys, Leroy and Virgil, not right in the head.”
“Folks steer clear of them, so full of dread.”
“Daisy Mae, my daughter, she lives in town,”
“Forty miles along the track, all up and down.”

Abner MacGraw also lived in town,
He had an old pick-up truck, painted brown.
Today he thought he’d take a drive to the hills,
He’d heard about Hanna, the small farm that she tills.
“If’n I can woo that Widda Woman I’ll have me a farm,”
So said MacGraw, “Better cause no alarm,”
“’Cos I hear she’s handy with her blunderbuss gun,”
“Being shot in the ass wouldn’t be no fun!”

MacGraw took two hours to drive the rough track,
As he passed Elijah Pickins, he waved, and Pickins waved back.
A few more miles, and a wheel became flat,
He didn’t have a spare, so that was that!
Time was getting on, to late afternoon.
MacGraw hastened along, like a demented raccoon.
And, just as it was becoming twilight,
He saw smoke from the cabin chimney in sight.
MacGraw scuttled along the path to the shack,
Making crackling noises, stepping on sticks at the back.
“Who’s thar!” shouted Hanna toting her gun,
“Don’t want no varmints or critters, no none!”
MacGraw froze rigid on the spot,
He didn’t want that blunderbuss. fired at him, no he did not!

Thinking quickly, he decided what he’d do,
“Are you at home? My dear Emmy Lou?”
Hanna called back, “Show your carcass now!”
“Ain’t no Emmy Lou here never,” she did glower.
MacGraw now thought that he’d better step out,
He did so reluctantly, as he saw the blunderbuss snout,
“Abner MacGraw, at your service, my lady,”
“I’m looking for an old friend, nothing shady.”
“It’s gettin’ dark, where you fixin’ to stay?”
Said Hanna, clearly wishing him on his way.
“I’ve a vehicle, a bit down the track,”
“But a flat tyre it has, a blow of air it does lack.”

“If’n it’s a blow you wants, I’ll blow you away.”
“With this here blunderbuss, now what d’ya say?”
“Good lady, I’m preparing to go,”
“But I must ask as I do want to know.”
“Could you spare some ‘vittles’ for me?”
“Hospitality’s famous in old Tennessee!”
“Vittles I can’t spare, it’s the school of hard knocks,”
“But my blunderbuss here, it’s loaded with rocks!”
MacGraw, then, did lope off down the trail,
Thinking that his original notion was a betrayal.