BEASTLY TALES

SPICE OF LIFE

Mother McGinty was British, through and through.
If something was not British, she’d get in a stew.
One day she was invited to a foreign cafe’.
Right then, she knew she’d sooner leave than stay.
“Well, I dunno, with all them chillies.”
“That sort of spice gives me the willies,”
“It’s all too hot, an’ spicy like”
“Honestly, I’d sooner go take a hike!”
“Like wot they eat in Calcutta, an’ all.”
“It’s alright for them, they eat it with dahl.”
“I don’t like it, it’s not British,”
“All them spices, they make one skittish,”
“Always running, real fast, to the loo,”
“Them Indians always eatin’ them chillies too.”

Mother McGinty though Mulligatawny to be a British dish,
Likewise, Kedgeree, with rice and fish.
“But their origins are from the Indian subcontinent,”
“Thinking otherwise could make one incontinent.”
Mother McGinty refused to acknowledge,
This highly accurate culinary knowledge.
“Them ones are made from British fishes,”
“And so they can only be true British dishes.”
“They join the list along with Bangers and Mash,”
“Scones and cream, spotted dick, English hash,”
“All simple, plain dishes for those with a heart of oak,”
(We British like our routine, like a pig in a poke)
“Rule Britannia, I’m sure you know the song,”
“Come, fill your lungs and sing along!”
When Mother McGinty had a bee in her bonnet,
Couldn’t be budged, as though reading a sonnet.

“Seasoning should be only pepper and salt,”
“Anything further could make you a dolt!”
But what about Parsley, Rosemary and Sage,
Surely they feature in the British Cookbook page?
“Them’s not seasonings, them’s Herbs,”
“So you can keep all your fancy blurbs!”

Well, Mother McGinty, what does your husband think?
“Can’t rightly say, he’s been vomiting in the sink,”
“It was an extravagant serving of Toad in the Hole, I think.”