BEASTLY TALES

THE ASP ASPECT

There I was, cutting the grass,
When a large Joe Blake went to nip my ass!
“What is a Joe Blake?”, his listener asked
A long thin reptile that, in the sun, basked.
A snake, in rhyming Cockney Slang,
But localized within an Australian twang.
Cockney’s didn’t have a problem with snakes,
In East London. Not got what it takes.

Anyway, I side stepped the snake,
In the finest manoeuvre I ever did take.
But that is why I had to cut the grass.
Make it more open, so a snake wouldn’t pass.
The snake must have thought he’d call it a day.
For it quickly turned and slithered away.
“What type of snake was it?” he was asked.
You know the type, that in the sun basked.
Some said it was an Eastern Brown,
With them you don’t mess, unless you’re a clown.
But it could have been a red-belly black.
They’re less aggressive, don’t attack.
They are mostly all venomous except the constrictors.
The Carpet Snakes, and Pythons are non-venomous tricksters.
Don’t forget the Tree Snakes too,
Soft and green, slithering on dew.

I don’t believe that I’ve revealed my name.
I may continue to do so, if it’s all the same.
Oh, all right, I’ll let you in on it,
Rodney Reptile, and you can grin on it.
Please don’t be like a snake in the grass,
I’ve cut the grass to let the snake pass.
Perhaps you should call a snake catcher.
He’ll arrive with bag and a metal hook snatcher.
But much of the time the snake, alerted, will dash,
Into the hole, or pond with an elegant splash.

What can we do, to be more snake alert?
Keep our eyes peeled, for some that could hurt.
Cut the grass around yard and house,
Give safety training to both frog and mouse.
Clear up branches, rubbish and leaves,
Install snake barriers that cause snake peeves.

Summer is snake season, sad to say,
Winter is superb, as they all go away.
Or rather, into hibernation, so they stay.
But at least they are no longer such a danger,
Vernie Viper was a self-styled reptologist,
He took his trained snakes, was no apologist.
As at public events he did tricks,
Handling venomous snakes as though they were sticks.
Sadly one day he neglected to firmly clasp,
As he was handling a very truculent asp.
The asp struck him malevolently on the chest,
And soon poor Vernie wasn’t feeling the best!
It was Cleopatra all over again!
Soon asp venom was affecting his brain.
He imagined himself laying elegantly on a Royal Barge
With exposed bosom protruding large,
As Nubian slaves fanned hard to cool him.
Such delerium readily flickered to fool him.
As ambulance men carted him away,
He gasped, “Look after my Joe Blakes this day!”