BEASTLY TALES

THE ISOLATIONIST

Nigel Knuckle says, “You must remember,”
“Any club that would have me as member”
“Is a club that I wouldn’t want to join,”
“Not even if membership only cost a low coin.”
“I would join a club to access good chatting,”
“If the members were like me, always dratting,”
“There’d be no uplifting conversation at all,”
“Something that could only appal.”

Nigel Knuckle went on a cruise on a ship,
He was on deck watching, through water, the bow slip.
The Catering Officer asked, “With the Captain you could dine?”
Responded Nigel, “That might be all very fine,”
“But I didn’t pay good money, to eat with the crew.”
“If word got out there’d be a fine to do!”
“But I do have a request, to increase my fun,”
“Please arrange to seat me at a table for one.”

A magazine photographer, at a garden party,
Saw Nigel, and, thinking him arty,
Suggested Nigel join some of the guests,
Particularly those with bosomy chests,
For a group photo for a magazine spread.
Nigel responded, “In your rag I wouldn’t be seen dead,”
“And certainly not with those air-brained dopes,”
“They all look as though they should be dangling from ropes.”
“Such a concept, no, I would not love it,”
“So you can take your camera and just shove it!”

“We have a social group that’s meeting,”
“Every week for some chatting and eating.”
“We think that you might fit in well,”
“You don’t seem insane, and you don’t smell.”
Nigel stared at the speaker aghast!
An invitation to a social repast!
He could not think of anything worse,
His answer was profound, and somewhat terse.
“Never in my wildest dream,”
“Could I countenance, even a gleam,”
“Of interest in such a proposal,”
“It belongs right in the waste disposal!”

“We go as a group to spot Flora and Fauna,”
“And, even though it’s as hot as a sauna,”
“We’re proud to make it a social event,”
“For each participating lady and gent.”
“We’ll book you in for next week, if you like,”
“All you need to do, is bring your own bike.”
Nigel stared, uncomprehendingly,
Unable to believe his ears as unendingly,
The speaker droned unrelentingly on,
Oh, how he wished he would soon be gone!
“All we ask for is a donation of cash,”
“Something to add to our strong box stash.”
“Then it will be up, up and away,”
“Sounds blissful, what more can I say?”
Said Nigel, “I’ll tell you, just as I ought,”
“That what you should say is precisely naught!”