BEASTLY TALES

THE NURSE

Nurse Audrey Armbuster worked the night shift.
She had a sturdy build and so she could lift.
The most robust patients up in their bed,
Or even their cadavers if they were dead.
Enemas were, for her, a speciality,
She was paid, of course, not doing them free.
And, perhaps, you could say even worse,
Emptying bed pans, that’s a real curse.
But never a grumble, or even a groan,
And never leaving patients too long alone.
She was a champ, no doubt of that,
One patient she had was a bit of a brat.
He loved to press that Nurse Call buzzer,
So poor Audrey was thrown into a fuzzer.
Dashing right in for really no reason,
No apology given, or if you please on,
Audrey making enquiry as to just why,
The Nurse Call buzzer was pressed by this guy.

This patients name, it transpired, was Theodore,
And he had been operated on and was quite sore
But seemed to think it enormous fun,
To press the buzzer just to see Audrey run,
One day another nurse happened to be on duty,
And she was quite slim, a borderline beauty.
But she had less tolerance than Audrey did.
And she reckoned this patient was not the full quid.
So she booked him in for an emergency enema.
To be performed by several nurses with stamina,
In fact, every time Theodore now pressed the bell,
These stalwart nurses came to give him hell!
Even Theodore finally worked out,
That it was not wise to buzz or shout.
Unless there was a real reason that did exist,
And that didn’t include a desire to be kissed.

Theodore was close to ready to be checked out,
It was not that he was better, but such a lout.
That his removal from the ward was expedited.
His rapid recovery reason was cited.
As frequent forced enemas on a daily basis,
The doctor, to the Medical Journal, did write of such cases.
In fact it became a procedure given to all,
Patients who did not enthral,
The nurses who had to look after these,
Especially if they were really obese.