BEASTLY TALES

THE REAL ESTATE AGENT

Roger Wetbottam went to a real estate agent,
To search for a new house, but what he meant,
Was a most unusual quirky dwelling,
Something really unusual, clearly telling,
What a unique, unusual chap he was,
But why was this so? Just because,
He’d always wanted, different to be,
So he told the agent what he wanted to see,
The estate agent, who’s name was Grubb,
Suggested that a Barn Conversion, or an old Pub,
A decommissioned Lighthouse, another choice?
“Lighthouses are so yesterday,” he declared in a loud voice.
“An ex military defensive block house,”
“Is what today’s connoisseur does arouse.”

And so they jumped right into a car,
Finding that they didn’t have to go far,
Before they stopped very near a cliff,
Where the wind was exceedingly stiff.
“Now I want you to keep a very open mind,”
Said the Realtor, “Getting up the hill is a bit of a grind,”
“But once up there, the views will lend us,”
“A magnificent feeling, nothing short of stupendous!”
“Those views right there, across the channel,”
“There is nothing about them that is tawdry or banal.”
“The reinforced concrete block house is solid as you see,”
“Cutting windows and doors may prove a difficulty,”
“But the gaps left from the Big Gun emplacements,”
“Could be windows, and the powder magazine basements.”

“In fact there is eight inch ammunition still,”
“In a tunnel, right under the hill.”
“All this could be yours, for a six figure sum,”
“But you’d have to be quick, get off your bum,”
“For folk will be queuing right down the road,”
Said the devious real estate toad.

Wetbottam thought the price was a bit steep,
Inflated, no doubt, by the real estate creep.
“There is another one, further down the coast,”
“Snap that one up and you could really boast.”
“To your friends and relatives, both old and new,”
“Unlike this one, there’s little to do,”
“If you want, now, to look at that,”
“You’ll need safety goggles and a hard hat.”

Wetbottam now thought to return to a property conventional.
He’d wanted something unique, and that was intentional.
But now he thought a cottage with thatch,
Would be a better real estate catch.
“At least I would only need to determine,”
“If, in the thatch, lived prolific vermin.”