BEASTLY TALES

THE REFUSE TIP

Be sure to take great care not to trip,
When you visit your local refuse tip.
Apart from any injury you may sustain,
You may come in contact with things you disdain.
Such as personal hygiene objects that revolt,
Or rotting items, putrefying, give you a jolt,
The sheer volume of trash gives one pause,
How long it can it be sustained in this country’s shores.
Of all the odious objectionable things,
Plastic, and more plastic, the trash truck brings.
It will break down in a few hundred years,
And if it does not, go shed collective tears,
Surely our most beautiful earth,
Better management it is truly worth.

Erasmus Affacof worked at the refuse station,
He considered himself President of his own nation.
His staff were a mixture of old hags,
The rest could be best described as lags.
An ugly old woman was standing by the bin,
A worker, mistaking her for trash, pushed her in.
You should have heard the screams and wails,
The abusive screeching, the rants and rails.
As the old lady endeavoured with considerable might,
To correct her circumstances, put them right.
The worker who’s pushed her, saw her plight,
But hearing her language remained uncontrite.
Eramus shouted, “Someone throw her a line!”
“She’ll need a good wash, that I’ll opine.”
“You might as well, as far as it goes,”
“Roll out that long, canvas fire hose.”
“Start the pump, and give her a squirt,”
“Careful where you aim, or she might get hurt.”
The old lady, after suffering such an affront,
Gave a squeal and then a loud grunt.
“I’ve been working here for twenty five years,”
“And never before, have I been driven to tears.”
“Mostly I’ve harangued those making a tip visit,”
“Soundly ensuring that their visit isn’t exquisite”
So said the grumpy old harridan
Who insisted on dressing just like a man.

The local Shire Council, of course, run the tip.
Councils, as we know, run a tight ship.
They assiduously rake in money for any service,
But investing in the community makes them nervous.
Tip fees are indubitably very high,
Defying logic, yes, as to just why?
Surely they want to encourage use of the facility,
To avoid road teams picking up rubbish with agility.
Now that brings us to the oldest saying of all,
Don’t try it, “You can’t fight City Hall.”