BEASTLY TALES

THE RUFFIAN

Oleg Sanders along did shuffle,
Often pausing, speaking to ruffle,
Someone’s equilibrium sublime.
Such tactic had withstood the test of time.
Oleg was a ruffian through and through,
Always arguing, in a right stew,
Mostly much ado about nothing.
Yes, he certainly was a right ruffian.
A rough, lawless, turbulent person,
You’d really struggle to find a worse’un,
A desperado and a bully, none too pleasant,
And furthermore a quite stupid peasant.

So was there anything here good to offer?
Something beneficial to proffer?
Sadly not regarding this lug,
He was undeniably just a thug.
In the pub he’d act most ungracious,
Indeed he’d readily be pugnacious,
Always missing conversational gists,
Subsequently resorting to using his fists.
He once went too far, punching a copper,
For this he was arrested, he came a cropper.
It was off to jail for thirty days,
But, no way, would he mend his ways.
The next occasion was at the football club,
With team rivals he argued. A resultant drub.
He punched the fellow, not too old.
And down he went, Knocked out cold!

It seemed unlikely that ruffian Oleg,
Could be taught a lesson, taken down a peg.
Until one splendid summer’s day,
Justice finally had it’s way.
Oleg rudely pushed his way through,
A police plastic tape barrier, white and blue.
The copper on duty (it was the scene of a crime).
Noticed Oleg, covered in grime.
“Oi, where do you think you’re going?”
“I suggest to you, your pace be slowing.”
“Turn around, and get right out,”
“Or I’ll run you in, you disgusting lout!”
Now this affected Oleg to the full,
It was just like a red rag to a bull.
He strode right over to the copper,
And walloped him soundly with a whopper!
Yes, a king hit brought the copper down.
But Oleg was the one to look like a clown.
For a coven of constables appeared from thin air,
Making Oleg wish he wasn’t there.

The next thing was in the morning late.
When Oleg was brought before the magistrate.
The magistrate said, “We’ve seen you before,”
“And for punching a copper, what’s more.”
“Here we have you, in similar vein,”
“Charged with punching a copper again.”
“It seems that your recalcitrant attitude,”
“Leaves me with no option or latitude,”
“Than to sentence you to jail again,”
“Really now, are you sure you have a brain?”
“However, the sentence I’m prepared to suspend,”
“If you’ll agree to certain things from your end.”
“We need, in the force, more ruffians like you,”
“So if we can convince you to pursue,”
“A more disciplined course of action,”
“We will recruit you into the police faction!”
“Yes, you too can become a bulging boy in blue,”
“Dispensing instant justice upon the rowdy few.”
“And we’ll then appreciate your violent aggression,”
“To up our arrest rate in rapid succession!”