Storytime; Swallowed Whole.

This is a piece I sold last year; Basically the progenitor of the teacup series I sometimes work on. But today I don't have much news, so I picked this image to accompany a story I wrote through my comedy writing class that I don't think I shared here. The relevance being consumption of one's whole body.

I had writing class yesterday, and I got some pretty good feedback for the election campaign story I shared some days back. This is a different one entirely.

Here goes;

SWALLOWED WHOLE.

Calvin yawned before he opened his eyes. He'd fallen asleep on the beach, and he could already tell it was dark out, before committing to being awake. And moist. It might storm soon. He decided it would be better to get up now.

Calvin stretched... but not far. His arms stopped, nearly pinned to his sides.

Have I been rolled up into my beach towel and thrown into a trash heap again? He wondered to himself. He blinked his eyes open. Oh shit. No stars. It's really going to pour any second. He was starting to worry a bit now. He'd not prepared for this disaster.

A deep, guttural moan, followed by a sloshing sound at his feet gave him further pause.

Oh great. It's already thundering, and I left the clothes out in the back yard. Calvin remained trapped for a while before he realized that he was not rolled up in a towel and thrown into trash again. That couldn't happen a fifth time.

Then he realized his phone was in his swim shorts. With a fair amount of uncomfortable maneuvering, he was able to pull it out, and shimmy it up to his face. There was a video waiting for him in his messages from Charli. He pushed play.

There she was. Looking down at him through the phone.
"Calvin. I was trying to have a serious conversation with you, and you fell asleep. You're an asshole. This is for when you wake up. It's over." The video panned up before it shut off. He saw his own sleeping body, and a lumbering giant animal wiggling up from the water. What was that? A sea lion? The video was done. He watched it again twice more to see what was coming his way. It was definitely a sea lion.

Calvin had been swallowed whole by a sea lion.

He still had service, wherever he was. That was good. Time to try to sort this whole rescue thing out.

As he was trying to get into his contact list, a call came through. It was his friend Mark.

"Mark! I'm so glad-"

"Dude. Where are you? Did you forget it's poker night? They guys are getting restless."

"Mark. I need help. I'm inside a sea lion."

There's a pause.

"Fuck you, man. This is like that time you got me to take you to the hospital for a bee sting, and I missed bowling. Fool me once, asshole."

"But... I'm allergic to bees, I nearly died... I mean yes, I guess it's like that...?"

"Exactly. Fuck off." Mark hung up the phone.

Calvin was speechless. Maybe he could call Charli. He stretched his finger to the phone to scroll through the contacts. There she was. He hit call. It rang four times before she picked up.

"It's too late, Cal." She said.

"No... No wait, Charli! Wait! Don't hang up. I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I need help. I'm stuck inside a sea lion!"

"Wow. Nothing's ever your fault, is it?"

"What?"

"Take some responsibility for once, Calvin. Please. You always have some half-baked excuse ready to try to get me to come back like "Give me back my dog" and whatever, but it won't work this time. We're done. We're DONE." Charli slammed the hang up button with all the anger in her thumb.

Calvin took a moment of silence. Maybe his boss would listen. Martha always had an open ear for Calvin. He fumbled through to her number. Dial.

"Calvin?" She asked, tentatively.

"Hey Martha." He said as calmly as he could.

"What's.... up?" She wasn't used to getting calls from Calvin outside his managerial work at the Olive Garden.

"I'm in a bind, and I was wondering if you could maybe help me."

"Jesus Christ, Cal. You don't work until Monday, and you're trying to get time off? What is it like to have such an easy life?" She said, tersely.

"No, I'm not! Really, I'm stuck in a sea lion. Please help me!"

"Right. Riiiiight. Ok, Cal, I'll fill your shifts, but I'm taking this as a resignation. God. You give a guy one ride to work, then he thinks you'll give him whatever he wants." Click.

"... My car was stolen that day..." He said quietly to himself.

My parents. He thought. They would be the only ones who might be able to help him. He fumbled to call them.

"Mom! Mom! Oh my god, mom, thank god."

"Yes dear? Why are you in such a tizzy?"

"I'm stuck, mom, and I need help. I'm stuck inside a sea lion."

"That's nice, dear. You kids sure do get into some funny business these days." She said sagely.

"I need help. I really need help. Is dad there?"

"One moment, dear. Stanford! Our son is on the line! He says he's doing sea lines! He wants to talk to you! He's coming, dear."

"No, mom, I'm inside a sea lion."

"Yes, that's what I said. Yes. Here you go, dear."

"Calvin?" Said his father, in a deep voice. "Are you doing drugs?"

"No, dad. No. I'm stuck in a sea lion. Why will no one help me?"

"No one will help you until you learn to help yourself, son. Your mother and I, we've given you everything. We've coddled you. We did everything for you. We did crazy things, like enrolling you in grade school, when we should have made you do it yourself. That ends now. Today, you're a man."

"Today... I'm a man." This time, Calvin hung up the phone. They were probably right. He found his way into this mess somehow, he had to find his way out. He needed to try to force his arms upward and pull himself out.

The world shook suddenly. He felt jerked around. Calvin prayed to all the gods he could suddenly find convenience in. Please, please, please be a rescue team. Please be a rescue team.
Suddenly there was light. It was blinding. It was mitigated by a large silhouette. As his eyes readjusted to the light, Calvin could see that the silhouette was bear-shaped.

He put his hands together in prayer and thanks. He sat up and looked at the bear.

"Thank you, bear. Thank you, thank you thank you thank you." The bear leaned in, almost bowing 'you're welcome'.

But the bear didn't stop as it leaned in. It leaned in all the way, and swallowed Calvin whole.

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