..again and again and again and..

Today, beside the day starting with this..

..at least in good company of one of the last true friends, as soon as he went out, contacted my mother to know about her and my sons, all hell broke loose..

..it looks like I'm in a movie, everything seems so fake, as if to bring chaos into life, my life and of those few on the side of truth..

..this is an indescribable darkness, without the ability to get out of it all by myself, must have faith, but faith, it's a complicated matter..

..can't stand this much more, even accounting with all my old mother done to help, all the face throwing words that hurt more than I can describe, not for the words in them but for the attitude, it makes the so called financial help insignificant, to the point of feeling that I would be better lying in a street corner or simply dead, I've lived in the streets before, and guess what, I was better treated by complete strangers..

To put up with this is like living stuck in mental hell, my sons are already in an indoctrinated state that they don't care about anything else beside the smart bullshit phone making them dumb, and the retarded football games (yes football is a retarded game for retarded people) both part of the circus most are in, all because they were separated from me and all the people they had contact then, when they used to have pretty amazing and long, adult conversations with me and some friends, they were smart as f#$%, now, they can't even say a freaking sentence when asked basic questions, what made the difference?

They didn't had mobile phones, weren't dumbed down by football and didn't went to a couple of groups run by Jesuits and masons, mot#3r fu#$%rs, all of that thanks to their mother, my mother.. I think I'm gonna throw up..

F#&% the 'elite', government, states, politicians, banks, military, police, TV, mobile phones, Wi-fi, technological f$%&in' civilization,..

I'm out of here for now, feel tired, dizzy and sad with all of this, need to find myself.. its always the same, again and again and again and..