"Shaken but will never be broken"

Hello Steemit Friends! Kamusta?

Just now, I noticed I committed a mistake. I made two blog entries with the same content, the first one (which is this one) is unfinished, while the second one is the finished blog entry. I really did not do that deliberately.

Anyhow, I would be using this post to share something personal. I know I am not a celebrity but just allow yourselves to be my bestfriends for this day, allow me to lend your ears.

I was quite unwell lately. It seems that my heart sank like a small ship that has sunk on the middle of the ocean because it was not able to hurdle the giant waves.

What I am actually feeling right now is something I could not fully explain because I cannot seem to fully understand it as well. One of the things I know for sure is that this is a product of a series of events that shook me.

I must say, I had been proud of myself before but a lot of events happened to me that I could not afford to look at some people. I could not even afford to speak the words "hi, hello". I grew up in a loving familiar and us, three siblings were very different from each other thus we never ended up being compared from each other.

Everytime I wake up, I feel like I wanted to go back to that deep sleep again. The proud me is now gone. I want to be in that state where I am free of problems and when those problems arise when I am.

I do really care about my mental health and it worries me that sometimes I just want to explode. I know that problems are also opportunities -- opportunities for me to grow and develop as a better individual.

I know I need to be strong but there are times that I wish I would just die. I am so pressured. I am almost 26 years old and I haven't even established myself. I haven't even found a decent job for me. I already had the opportunity but I chose to let it go.

I do not know now where I am heading at. I do not know what tomorrow would bring to me, but one thing is for sure, making art and helping others make their art wonderful gives me a sense of fulfilment.

I know life can be at times be very dull, but I love my own company. I love listening to soft music while sketching and making artworks. I love being my own company. Indeed, I might already been shaken multiple times, but the gift of art has allowed me to be flexible.

Be it that I am mad, happy, sad, sassy, or naughty, I will continue to hold my brush and art materials. I will continue to shower my emotions on my works.