A day in the life of Patriot and Lucy...and all because of Dexter...comedyopenmic#36

in #blog5 years ago (edited)

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Someone came to us see last night for a beer (very strange).
An English guy and his wife.
After a couple of hours, and a couple of beers He said to us 'You two to crack me up, the way you talk to each other'.
Neither of us said, 'uh?'.
Why would we? We have been told that many times before.

So here's a snapshot in time of this morning, and lunchtime...

A day in the life of Lucy and Patriot. (taken from actual events of the day of Friday the 2nd of November...)

Lucy : Hunnnnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, what are you doing?

Patriot : Fuck off.

Lucy : Hunnnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, what are you doing?

Patriot : Hunnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiiiiiiiiii what do you want? I'm trying to do a website.

Lucy : I want you to take a photo of me, with a sign- for steemit.

Patriot : Ok, babes, no problem.

Lucy : Huunnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, will you make a sign for me?

Patriot: Fuck off, I'm writing.

Lucy : I'm busy, fucking write me a sign, will you? English isn't my language.

She always says that- when it suits her_ .
She can write a sign (in English), perfectly well..

Patriot :(sighs). Ok hunni, what do you want me to write?

Lucy: I dunno. You write it.

Patriot: Uh?

Lucy : Just write the bloody sign, will you?

Patriot: What fuckin' sign?

Lucy: I dunno, you're writing it. It's your language.

Patriot sighs, and puts the knife down...

I was taking a break from the computer, and not thinking of using it on my darling Lucy... As if. I could see where this conversation was already going, and had resigned my self to time away from any websites..

Patriot : Ok, babes, what do you want me to write a sign about?

Lucy : I want a website, to.

Patriot : For what? What do you want the sign for, I mean? And what do you want a website for?

Lucy: I dunno. You write it.

patriot then picks the knife up...and continues cutting some bread.

Lucy: I was reading some steemit messages from yesterday, and someone says I'm one of those gray men, so I wanted a photo, with a sign, to show people I'm very well tanned, and not gray!

Patriot : Ah!!!!

all was becoming clear, having read steemit also, earlier today.

Patriot: Ok hun, no problem, I'll do it.

Lucy : I'll do it.

Patriot : Whaaaat? You just said....oh, never mind.

Lucy: I want you to write it, I've decided that I want to design it.

Patriot: (sighs). Ok you design it, and I'll make it.

Lucy then designs what she want's for the sign. And then I paint it.

Lucy : That's a bit shit.

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It was. I didn't care too much.

Patriot: Fuck off, you wanted a sign, I painted a sign.

Lucy is very artistically orientated, and I asked myself the question 'why hell didn't she do it , then?'

I didn't bother asking her the question, though...

Lucy : Love you sweetie!

Lucy then gives me a big hug and a kiss.

Patriot: Fuck off.

Lucy : What about my website?

Patriot: Uh?

pretending not to remember that part of the conversation, from earlier.

Lucy: Well hunni, it has to be in English, and English being your language, and not mine...

Patriot, at this point, realizes that it's just gonna be 'one of those days', and resign's himself....

Lucy: I was thinking...

Patriot gulps.

Lucy : Your know your website about alternative health, and shit like that?

Patriot : Yeeeeeeeees. (gulps some more)

Lucy: well I want to do one for things that I can get for free, and charge a bunch of steem , to send to people, on steemit.

Patriot: Like what?

Lucy: Sweet Basil and Thai basil. We've got shit loads of it, and I have to cut it back every week. It overgrows everywhere. Fucking stuff..
I'm sure there's someone who's into all this organic shit and stuff like that, and I can make some money off it.

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Patriot looks at Lucy. He had talked to her about this, a week ago.._

Lucy: We , hunni, We can make some money from it . We. You just have do do all the website stuff that I want doing.

Patriot : Luce, C'mon! Fuck off.

Lucy gives Patriot a biiiiig hug.

Lucy : Love you looooooong time.

Patriot : You can still fuck off.

The morning goes into the afternoon, with Patriot back working on his website stuff...

Lucy :Is it finished yet?

Patriot:What , babes?

Lucy: My website...

Patriot: I haven't even thought about it.

Lucy: That's nooooooooooo problem, I'll do my own. I've got it started already, and it doesn't look that bad, but you can check for the right words.

Patriot wanders over to Lucy's computer...

Patriot : That's pretty good...

Lucy: I've been thinking....

Patriot: ( gulps) Yeeeeeeeeees...

Lucy: There' s LOADS of free stuff we make money from! I'm listing everything I can think of...

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Patriot looks at Lucy with loving admiration. Her ability to make stuff from nothing is truly, truly, a sight to behold...

Patriot:Like what?
(sweat running down his back, thinking about rusty broken bike wheels being sent in the post...)

Lucy: I'm not telling you yet, fuck off..

Patriot : Deal, I'm going for an ant nap.

Patriot goes to watch some you tube vids while having his afternoon ant nap - so called because ants sleep for seconds, and then carry on as though nothing has happened.

Lucy had noticed this about Patriot, a long time ago, and his ability to sleep for 10 minutes or so , and then get up refreshed, like he'd never stopped, and just carry on.

Just like ants, but with a slightly longer nap time..

And so naps were, forever more , known as 'ant naps'._

Lucy: Ok babes.

Patriot lies down and feels himself slide into a nice slumber, when then, suddenly, feels a very wet kiss on his cheek.

Lucy: Are you asleep yet, hunni?

Patriot : Nearly....

Lucy : Ok, I just came in to to tell you to fuck off.

Patriot : Love you to, babes.

Patriot falls asleep.

He knew there would be steaming fresh coffee next to him, when he woke up.

There always was.

I have no idea why people keep commenting on the way we interact with each other... They're just weird.

I nominate @dexterdumb, because this post is all his fault...

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and @lucylin , to see what happens...

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I stand corrected! You guys are way too much fun ;)

You should see us when we're happy!
lol

Honestly, people are weird to think you guys would interact like lame ass humans. I also noticed a healthy use of the phrase "fuck off", is it like a threesome with "off"

Threesome are very healthy, I must admit...

Yup. Sometimes its good to take a step back and watch. You'll learn more

...watch..?

Does not compute, does not compute...

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😂 I hear four is better than three, asking for a friend

...four it ok - but only if you're an athlete.

Yeah, I don't understand why people think the way you guys talk is different either. I do the same with my mum.

I could only talk to her like that once though.

...still getting used to living in the streets since that incident.

LOL

;-;

Honestly, people are weird to think you guys would interact like lame ass humans. I also noticed a healthy use of the phrase "fuck off", is it like a threesome with "off"

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