Daily Dose of Sultnpapper 07/11/18> Have I mentioned I have a disease…. I am left handed.

On Tuesday I had some time while driving after attending an old friend’s funeral to think about life and odds. My buddy Jake and I shared the same disease and we have fought it our entire lives, left handedness. I never really stopped to think about what the odds are of being a left hander, but I did just go Google it so I would know, 1 out of 10 people are left handed.

Most people don’t realize just how bad this disease can be since most people are right handed. You might even think I am off my rocker when I say that being left handed is a disease but when you actually look at the definition of disease you would see that being left handed surely fits the description.

According to Merriam Webster dictionary the definition of disease is; “ a condition of a living animal or plant body or of one of its parts that impairs normal functioning and is typically manifested by distinguishing signs and symptoms.” So there you have it, right from a trusted source, being left handed is a disease.

Now before you go to typing and trying to tell me that the definition didn’t mention a thing about left handedness being a disease, let me stop you right there. It didn’t mention cancer did it? It didn’t mention diabetes did it? How about aids or any of the sexually transmitted diseases, did it mention those? All of those are diseases, and not a one was mentioned so slow your roll and hear me out.

We live in a right handed world, or at least the country I live in, is designed for the right handed person. Most right handed people wouldn’t even begin to notice since everything is designed with them in mind. Take scissors for instance, damn near a torture device for a left hander to use. Those spiral bound notebooks with the curly wire that holds all the pages together is another problem for lefties, since we end up having the wire embedded in the side of our hand when we try to write. I also remember back when I was in school, all the desks were set up for right handed students. All the microscopes were for right handed folks as well since the focus adjustment was on the right side of the unit.

Ice cream scoops are another item that doesn’t work for lefties, even the ladles for getting gravy are designed to be used with the right hand. When it comes to writing with a pencil a lefty has to spend half their time erasing the side of their hand. Eating is an adventure also; as a lefty has to get the seat at the end of the table so they don’t bump arms with the right handed person next to them when they eat.

Cars are another problem for lefties, especially cars or trucks with standard shift transmissions since the shifter is set up for being shifted with the right hand. Also the radio is always in the middle of the vehicle only accessible to be controlled with the right hand.

Tools are a whole another issue, I remember reading a while back that over 2,000 or 2,500 left handed people die every year from using power tools that are designed for right handed use. Try finding a left hand circular power saw, I’ve looked and could never find one.

The only advantage a left hander had in life was throwing coins in the toll booth on the toll roads, and when the government figured that out they came up with the electronic “easy tag” that would eliminate the need to stop and throw coins in the basket and wait for the gate arm to rise up.

There are plenty of other examples of just how the world is set up for right handed folks but in the interest of time I will just cut it off right here, you get the picture and most likely never even noticed these things unless you also happen to be left handed.

I am thinking I might just have to go see a doctor and get an official diagnosis of my left handedness disease and then go down to the social security office and see if I can get on disability before I seriously injure myself or possibly fatally injure myself.

Did you know that a lefty on average dies three years younger than right handed folks, with all else being equal? That is what research has shown from what I remember reading in that article that talked about the lefty’s dying from using right handed tools.

I am pretty sure that one of you folks is a mathematician or good in statistics or probabilities, what are the odds of being both left handed and being a ‘29er? A ‘29er is a person born on Leap Year day, February 29th. Since I fall under both those categories I would be curious to know just how special I am.

I can’t say that the left handedness disease was responsible for Jake’s passing away over the weekend since he died of a heart attack, but I do wonder if his heart attack might have come three years earlier than if he was right handed.

Until next time,
@sultnpapper