Are we too protective over our own children?
About a week ago, I was driving with my son to the mall, and I asked him the question: What do you want to do with your life when you finish school? It turned into quite a heated discussion, because he couldn't really tell me. In fact, he had absolutely no idea what he wanted to do when he finish school.
Yesterday in class, I asked the exact same question to my students and very few of them could give me a direct answer.
It scared me.
Are we protecting our children too much?
In today's life we have thousands of young people going out in the world and they have no idea what they want to do with their lives.
One of the main reasons are that they obviously do not get enough career guidance in schools, but in the age of technology in which we live, most of these kids grew up totally different than we did.
They are not exposed enough, and perhaps we pamper our own kids too much, because they know that we won't force them into a specific direction like most of us were.
Don't get me wrong. My kids are VERY important to me, and I will do ANYTHING to protect my children, but I can't help thinking. Did I give too easily? Did I save them from situations where they could have saved themselves?
My son is now second year at university, and he is enjoying himself. His academics are excellent, so I can't complain there, but I don't expect him to get a job for pocket money, I provide him with everything. He is just too busy to study and to get a job, and I understand that.
BUT
When I was about sixteen years old, I got my first job. I became a waitress, and it had such a great impact in my life. For the first time I had money to spend as I like. The job was awful, but I learned so much about people, and even though it was awful at times with pretty long hours, I pushed through it all, and that experience made me a better person. I could do both. I could work and do school at the same time, and I survived.
BUT
It was a different time and age. We were still able to walk home at night at two o clock in the morning, and we were safe. Nowadays, I can't even send my youngest child with his bicycle to the shop to go and buy bread, because the danger is too much. Firstly he might be attacked on his way to the shop, and secondly they might steal his bike if he leaves it outside the shop. Am I protecting him too much?
We live our lives from day to day, but life is so much different than when I was young. In this time of technology are we doing the right things for our children? It scares me that I have to send my children into a world, where no one really knows what they are doing. For the life of me, I can't figure out if I had failed as a parent or if I had just adapted to the world.
If I look at my eldest son, I can see that he is strong and determined. So that part is great, but have I done enough? In this life and times, where are our children going to end up?
Life scares me. I've taught my kids the values of life, and I can't keep the with me forever, although I would if I could. Perhaps I'm just paranoid.
What is your view on this? What is going to happen to our kids in the future?
Hi @giantbear.
Personally growing up the way I did, I had no idea what to do with my life either. I applied to university. Studied for an entire year. Also received pocket money instead of working for it. It did not make me undervalue the chance that I had been given, it just made me realise that I had more time on my hands and I did not want to study anymore. I picked up my things and left university. Saw the world. And came back. To the same parents whom had raised me. And here I am working, living on my own and studying to finish the degree I dropped out of years before.
I don't think not knowing what they want to be is because you are over protective. I think not knowing what he wants to do is because you have raised him in such a manner that he has a lot of choices!
He'll make up his mind soon enough!
After all, he has you. And that enough.
You know me @aninke I worry a lot but you also know my son. He is a beautiful soul and I'm sure he will be fine.
Honestly I am expressing my view.Children must be free from external pressure.We should not break them , their every activities,in their daily life.
Let them feel,what is best. as a parent , our duty to make a observation as a parental nature.In my knowledge.
When I was in my second year of college I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life either lol. I think when you are young you live your life in a bubble. Your social world is small and your experiences are limited. When you hit 18 and you graduate high school for some it's the first time they escape the bubble and can experience new people and new experiences. It can take years to develop your own ideas and sense of self and goals apart from what you were taught to think as a child. I think today the early 20s is a time of finding yourself and your goals. I didn't realize I wanted to have a career in academia until I was 23. I think your son will be fine. It's good to protect your children when they are young. He's in college which is really great and he's working towards a better future. He just has to find himself to see where he fits in the world in terms of careers.
Yip you are right, at my age I still often think I am not in the right profession, but I can't imagine doing anything else with my life. Let's just see how it turns out.
Though in the younger age you might have quite a few aim to become after grown up. But everything does not fall in line, so I can only say that the younger generation might not know that they want to do but they will definately make their way out.
I honestly hope so, but in this country that we live, we just don't know how things are going to work out.
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You give words to my thoughts @giantbear. My kids are still young (9&12), while I am old. My life and career have exposed me to some of the worst things life has to offer and I am very protective of them. Often I think, too protective.
In addition, the future is looking to be vastly different from the world I grew up in. Recently someone predicted that I may not have the joy of teaching my kids how to drive as driving may be an obsolete skill by then. I recently tried to explain to my son what a cheque account is and what a cheque looks like. I did not have an example to show him...
So I have questions about which skills I should ensure that they have. About what kind of world they will be living in.
Life scares me too @giantbear. Thank you for a very relevant and thoughtful post.
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This is an interesting question. I think in some ways we are overprotective and on the other hand, I can see why we do because the world our children and grandchildren are living in is much more dangerous than the one we grew up in. I made my sons help pay for their post-secondary education. I think they appreciate it more than if it was handed to them. But are we pushing them to get college degrees were there not be jobs available to them and perhaps they will carry large student loans? Would it be better to encourage them to study for a trade? Asking ourselves these questions only serves to make us doubt our parenting. Did we do the right thing? I think we have to live with the fact that most of us tried to do the best we could under the circumstances of the times we live in.