Things you don't learn in school- How to deal with conflict

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Conflict is a normal part of any relationship.  Whether it is work related or family related. No one can expect to agree with everyone all the time, but it is very important to know how to deal with conflict in a proper way and to resolve this in a civil way.  

Many families break apart when conflict is involved and they just ignore each other for the rest of their lives.  This causes great harm and distress because even though they want to resolve this matter, they don’t know how to or they are just too stubborn. Other people just avoid conflict and they never learn how to handle difficult situations in their lives. 

Whatever causes these disagreements or disputes, it is important to learn some skills to handle these type of situations in your life, so that you can keep your professional and personal relationships strong.

What you should know about conflict:

• Conflict is more than just a disagreement about something nitty gritty.  It is a situation where both parties experience a threat. 
• Confliction causes stress especially if the issue is not resolved.
• Every person experience conflict differently. Each experience is influenced by our own life experiences, cultures, beliefs and values. 
• Conflict can bring forth some negative emotions and if you are unable to manage your emotions in times of stress then you might not be able to resolve conflict successfully. 
• Conflict is an ideal opportunity for growth.  Not to say that you should cause conflict to grow, but if you are able to resolve conflict issues, then it builds trust and you can be sure that every relationship in your life can survive a challenge or a disagreement. 
• Conflicts often arise because our needs are different. A teenager wants to stay out late, and if the parents disagree, he/she gets angry at the parent where the parent on the other hand is only trying to protect his/her own child. 
• Conflict can arise when someone needs to feel understood and supported.  If they don’t get that conflict will arise. 
• Conflict in the workplace can open pathways to team-building and improved work relationships. 
• Conflict can be traumatizing, but if you learn how to deal with conflict correctly, you might get rid of powerless feelings that you might have from previous experiences. Not all conflict situations are demoralizing or humiliating. 

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How do we deal with conflict in a healthy way?

• To see the other person’s point of view clearly although you might not agree with it. 
• Talk in a calm and non-defensive manner and be respectful towards the other person. 
• Be ready to forgive and forget.  Let the past be the past and do not hold regrets or stay angry.  Keeping regrets will destroy your work relationship.  
• Believe that conflict is the best way to resolve difficult issues until both parties come to a proper agreement. 

Conflict resolution and emotions

Conflict can trigger strong emotions and often lead to hurt feelings and sometimes even discomfort.  If conflict is handled in a healthy way it increases your understanding for others, build trust and often strengthen relationships.  

Couples as well as co-workers often argue about petty differences for example how they leave the bathroom towel, or how they drink their coffee, rather than to  argue about what is really bothering them. 

This is an unhealthy way to resolve issues.  Rather be upfront and confront the person straight forward so that you can feel calm and relaxed in whichever situation you are in. 

Different people react differently to certain situations. Some: 

• Has an angry or agitated response.  

• Become withdrawn or depressed and keep quiet. Person spaces out and show very little emotion or energy.  

• Has a frozen response. They freeze totally and look paralyzed, but under the surface they are extremely agitated. 

Stress interferes with the ability to resolve conflict by limiting your ability to:

• Be aware of you own emotions and feelings.
• Listen accurately to what someone else is saying.
• Communicate your needs clearly.

You need to be emotionally aware, so that you can understand others as well as yourself.  If you don’t even know how you feel, or are unable to communicate effectively it is difficult to resolve disagreements.

It may sound silly to understand your own feelings but plenty of people ignore their own feelings like anger, fear and sadness.  Knowing your ability to handle conflict depends on being connected to these feelings.  

If you are afraid of strong emotions and you only try to find rational solutions your ability to resolve conflict might suffer and you will not be able to find suitable solutions. 

Why emotional awareness is a key factor in resolving conflict

Emotional awareness helps you to understand yourself, including what is troubling you and others.  Emotional awareness helps you to stay motivated during a confrontation and it helps you to communicate clearly and effectively.  

In the end nobody likes any conflict but if you are mature about it, conflict could really change the way you do things in your life and can be totally beneficial in a way that you can not even imagine.