Fifty-word short story challenge - "chocolate"

in #challenge6 years ago (edited)

Here is another entry of mine for the Fifty-word short story challenge, provided by @jayna. Read the rules and recommendations here. This time she also gives some good tips how to encounter and write such a short story. Have fun, storytellers!


FATAL AFFAIR

A chocolate fountain pours out its sticky, sweet melts. Bride and groom.

"Kisses! Kisses!" shouts the cheering crowd.

The already married arrived by car. A woman quietly eyes her husband. Fifteen years. On the trip a guilty aching stomach. Her affair. Oh my, this fear ... .

"Shall we dance?"
"Yes," she nods.


Well, not much of a back story is needed, I guess. When "chocolate" was offered as the prompt, the first thing entered my mind was a vision of a chocolate fountain. Immediately this was accompanied by a wedding celebration. I imagined the newlyweds performing their happy dance on a shiny parquet. The bride and groom as the biggest contrast to a couple already married and experienced in troubles. The sadness of a woman who is afraid to tell her husband of her affair. The probable ending of their marriage.

Though this may serve a sad impression I'd like to add that every ending offers a new beginning. Affairs are much common these days and not talking to each other is in my eyes what makes it fatal. I am convinced, anyhow, that all who live in a relationship do already sense when something hides in the bushes. To give into ones intuition for moments of clearing could happen much earlier it usually does. It's not so much the fact that betrayal happens but the lost moments of having worked on the connection itself. Betrayal, is not, as it is often looked at, an act of one but indeed an act of two.

I do not see a broken marriage as a total failure but a chance to learn from its experiences.


Photo by Alvin Mahmudov on Unsplash

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I do not see a broken marriage as a total failure but a chance to learn from its experiences

As an idea it certainly helps to get over the "grief" of the shattered relationship and look further into your future with eyes more optimistic.


I liked the contrast of the new start of the newly wedded couple with the next level of an older marriage who is about to be tested if not ended.

My ears do ring. I hear a "but" in your reply. You like to explain more?

Thank you, @ruth-girl for visiting me. I am glad you liked the contrast. As I am taking part in this little writing workshops, your feedback is of value to me.

This one piece of yours where the woman falls into the hole and crawls her way back up in this exhausting manner really got me.

I got a little lost with all my comments, but I am trying to catch up, so here I am!

The underlying "but" was an astute observation! The idea of considering each end as a chance for a new beginning certainly fills you with optimism and hope for a better future. But the negative feelings you experience when you can see the end coming and soon after things are over don't let you see that far in the future. The anxiety and pain and disappointment are scary, sometimes too overwhelming and even though you know things will be better later, it's the painful "now" you can't stand.


Thank you for the feedback! I believe some would find it "tiring" to read through the end of it, but people who have had similar experiences could relate at least a bit...

Yes, it's true that separation does hurt. Imagine, it would not hurt and people would part just so. ... Would be strange, wouldn't it? Like saying: "Alright. We had our time and now we go into different directions. Bye, bye, I wish you the very best."
Sounds quite un-human.

I also want to add that after all, most modern people are quite experienced in separations. I count several serious relationships into my biography. Having experienced separations and the attached feelings I can say that each and every ending gave me the certainty that I will survive it and that I actually can take influence on how I am going to deal with it. (How much repetition one needs in order to arrive at a certain insight, differs from person to person, I'd say).

What I observed is that not only finishing off a relationship with all related emotions is something which will for sure pass but also every other disappointment I am meeting in my life will pass, too.

Now I am even telling myself "this shall pass, too" when I am in a bad mood. The more often I do that and the more I believe in it and stay confident the better it works for me. It calms me down and takes away a good portion of my suffering. Because, after all, it's true:)


Yes, the story of yours was indeed tiring and you forced the reader to take on this exhausting effort to do all the single steps. My own experience with crisis showed me that towards the end of my journey the steps became easier

... best I can describe it in this way: I did not know first that I entered the narrow passage towards the dark. When I finally realized and found myself deep down I was surprised and shocked by this fact! Which made me fall even deeper. Then the long and hard climbing upwards began (in the same way you described it). After having made it towards the exit the effort started to decrease and the climbing became a walking as the passage changed from vertikal to more horizontal.

The first time is always more difficult, the next ones you know and you're almost prepared. I follow the same method with you for many things, I tell myself "this will pass". And it helps. Not that it makes the negative feelings go away at once, but it sure helps the "transition". Life goes on after all...


In your case the effort was less and less by the end because you knew what to do to help yourself. And it gave you an invaluable confidence. In my case, at least, when I was going through a rough phase because of various reasons amd step by step I managed to find myself again, or better shape it stronger and change my point of view on some matters, I got to have more confidence in myself and my strength. Isee it s an accomplishment and I am proud of me.

I love your description of the chocolate fountain--pouring out its sticky sweet--both good and bad, gagging to some.
And, have to laugh when you say most living in relationship know when there is is something hiding in the bushes ;)
Liked too how he asks her to dance, an invitation to continue on. Like you, I think an affair doesn't have to be the end, but it will require repair work and not just a brushing under the rug and that's when it can get difficult. Or, how do you see it? Does too much focus on repair keep them away from the dance? Would like to hear more of your perceptions.

You are such a good detector for the under tones.

Yes, when I thought of the chocolate I also saw the two qualities in it.

An affair can truly be connected to the "bad times" two people promise each other to go through.

From what I think, the vow must be very sincere and openly spoken with the most authenticity "I will love you. You can count on my love and I will wish you always to be well."

So, yes, I am not thinking a relationship must end but can enter a next phase. As I believe that the one who goes outwards does so because the other was absent or passive or not engaged enough - also not interested in himself. Sadly, many couples are not willing to make the repair work as it is too much of an insult for the ego. But I think here is a great chance to integrate what has not matured yet and the insult is really a huge opportunity to work on. For the out-goer it also is a chance to become more consistent and to find more trust within himself and not to stroke his ego with the admiration and seduction of something new.

But: Many couples do repair what got broken and it's wonderful to witness that.

For your last question: What a good one that is!
Dancing can cure a couple, I often think. To do co-creating stuff together and enjoy and celebrate where the intersections can be found has potential to help the couple heal themselves.

The most work, though, happens in each person on an intimate and self reflecting, contemplating level.

Wow, your response is so "right-on," with what I think too. Definitely not an easy journey, but one with potential to really grow each partner and perhaps even strengthen the bond.
Dancing is a very nice cure!
Again, I really enjoyed your short story :)

I actually didn't need the explanation. The story is exquisitely concise, almost like an abstract painting. It requires the reader to pay attention to every word, every bit of punctuation.
This style of writing I think is the best. It takes discipline to find the exact expression that captures intention.
You did it. Bravo.

Thank you. That is quite a compliment.
A good outcome needs a good reader ;-)

The good, if brief, is twice as good...

Nice post.

Thanks, Marty. Yes, sometimes it's so good to excersise to express myself briefly as I tend to write long texts. Which you already know.
Have a good evening in ... was it London?

Yes, I really like how you write. Greetings from Hill Valley.

I like how you juxtaposed the happy young couple against the older married couple experiencing problems. Well done.

Thanks, @jayna.
I am curious about your next prompt. It's always like a little surprising egg to be opened.
Are you a writer outside of steemit, too?

I'm so sorry I missed your question, @erh.germany. Yes, I write fiction and am working on a short story collection and a novel intended for mainstream publishing. And I posted a longer story on my Steemit blog today.

A lot going on here... Well squeezed into 50 words and the back story is always interesting to hear...

My thanks to you for coming and reading!

LOL. The letter-police!
It's only 53, the headline doesn't count. But you still caught me! :)
What are you going to do about this infame rule braking?

Oh, I’ll just adore you even more 😘

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