Love & marriage 181 - How to make your sure your children adapt after a divorce.

How to help your children cope with a divorce.

The first thing is for parents to adopt a positive mindset. Research has shown that if children have sufficient support that that most children can adjust to their parent's divorce and deal with the changes that will be happening in their lives.

The most important thing is for divorced parents is to show the children positive communication with your former spouse. This is important so that the children can still have a loving bond with both parents. You are divorced now and this is the time to put your differences aside for the sake of the children. The only communication that you need to have with your spouse is arrangements regarding the children.

Open communication with the children reminding them that both parents still love them and that you are available if they want to discuss anything that they have on their mind will help them to face the changes and help them to adapt to the new living conditions.

There are a number of things you can do to help your children with the healing process after divorce.

Sit down with your kids and explain and tell them about the divorce

Tell them in a calm and clear manner about the divorce and make sure that they know that they still have a family. Kids tend to not talk back at the time a serious subject comes up, but ensure them when they are ready to talk that you and your spouse will be there.

Make very sure that they understand that the divorce is not their fault.

This very important message should be repeated to them over and over. Even if they know it is not their faults some kids will still have thoughts that maybe it was their fault somehow.

Respect your kids needs for stability, routine and love, and with both parents.

There must be a parenting plan put in place which ensures that the kids share equal time and gets equal access to both parents. According to new research parents that practice shared parenting have less conflict.

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Avoid conflict with your ex-spouse.

Don't speak badly of your ex-spouse to your children as this will cause the kids to have loyalty conflicts which in turn can lead to emotional pain. When they were visiting with the other parent don't question them or try to use them as a source of information. The children's view of marriage and relationships was greatly damaged by the divorce. You should act grown-up now and show them new ways of communication and relationships.

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Don’t get involved in new partners too soon.

When you do make very sure that this new relationship might be permanent before introducing it to your children. If you go through breakup's again your children will be totally negative about romantic relationships and they will start to believe that all relationships are doomed to fail.

Avoid any further big changes like moving or getting remarried too soon after the divorce.

Such drastic changes can slow down or halt the healing process of your children. It might also be the reason why they will not cope effectively with the divorce and they may even get anxious or depressed. Attempt to avoid moving or getting remarried too soon after divorce because drastic changes can interfere with the healing process. Too much change may challenge your children’s ability to cope effectively and cause them to experience anxiety and/or depression.

Seek professional help when:

You notice any significant changes in your kid's behaviour, like mood swings, drop in grades, sleep and eating patterns and suspected drug use. Especially adolescent's which are already faced with the challenges of being a teenager can quickly run into problems with the added stress of the parent's divorce.

Be mindful of modeling healthy communication with all family members and intimate partners. According to E.M. Hetherington, a leading authority on divorce (who studied 1,400 divorced and remarried families) a successful remarriage and/or low-conflict between parents can counteract some of the negative impact of parental divorce on children and restore their faith in love.

Hopefully, you have build a healthy relationship with your children before the divorce. If there is a good relationship between parents and children it will help them with the healing process. If the communication is open between you and your children, they will come to you and ask for advice when they experiencing problems. Assure them that you understand how difficult the new circumstances are for them and that both parents love them and is and will be always there for them.

Source: http://gabardi.com/2016/07/13/8-ways-to-raise-happy-resilient-kids-after-divorce
Images: freepik.com except where otherwise indicated

Thank you for reading.

@hope777