Self Update: Still Alive and Fighting

Hello there! What's up, everyone?

It's been a long time since I ventured in this online space. Now, I'm here again. I'm here trying to make up for what I've lost. I don't know how to proceed from here, but I know I should continue writing just to ease the weight I bear since I stopped posting. I just suddenly felt this harrowing emptiness which slowly eats from the inside.

On Writing

I realized that writing was indeed therapeutic for me. As I've thought, this is my only medium to express without being misunderstood. My mistake was that I deprived myself, in the last two months, of the only action that keeps me sane aside from travelling. Okay, there's much to talk about so I will now stop with this blame game.

In my defense, I was caught up with new responsibilities. I could not help but fill the shoes that were left for me. I know that if I wouldn't perform as expected from me, there will be an imbalance in power which will be disadvantageous for me in the end.

I was staging a comeback more than a month ago, but it ended up as just a mere plan. It was disappointing for me knowing that I should really go back to writing. Just to put on record, I guess no one was waiting for me to post, but I felt that I was compelled to give an update and an explanation.

On My Extended Hiatus

Prior to HF20, I was really excited to go back regardless of the outcome. But then, HF20 and its minor issues came. Just to be clear, I am not blaming HF20 for my own inadequacy and unproductivity. It's just the timing of how the events unfolded spoiled my plans. A week after HF20, or after STEEM has stabilized and back to its original state, I got promoted to Product Engineering Supervisor. A fancy position came with its humongous responsibilities. That's why I said I got caught up with responsibilities. I kind of enjoying the thrill of the new responsibility that I forgot I had to take care of myself.

Now with a bigger responsibility, I struggled to manage my time as it takes more effort especially now that I am handling people under my team. I had difficulty in juggling everything that finding an opportunity to write seemed to be near impossible. What's supposed to be my habit became more like a luxury as I have to prioritize.

What's interesting was my subconscious' way of coping. I just experienced this kind of "drunk tweeting" even if I'm not drunk. I had this spur of the moment sharing of things that are supposed to be kept just for myself. When that feeling subsided, I ended up deleting my Twitter thread a few hours after. Twitter became a dumping site of my thoughts as I was adjusting to the transition. It just came to me that I should really go back to writing the soonest or else, I will continue to get myself embarrassed. In fairness with Twitter, people there don't really care about what you tweet. Unlike Facebook, it became a culture in Twitter for people to just mind their own business.

On Traditional Social Media

Traditional Social Media aka Facebook. Speaking of Facebook, I deactivated it just recently as I find it of little use to me right now. I'm having this withdrawal syndrome as I will just unconsciously try to open the app every now and then. I have no plans of going back yet as I think I had to sort out things first with myself. Leaving Facebook for good would be difficult, although not impossible to do, because all of my friends are there.

Ever since I was on Facebook, there's always this kind of love-hate relationship with the platform. I felt that it was a toxic environment for me, but I couldn't leave permanently. I've had numerous deactivation and reaction before and I always ended up getting entangled by that net casted by the platform. It seems that an unknown force keeps on pulling me to go back. Now, I'm hoping I can stay this way as long as I can.

On Steemit and Future Plans

As with Steemit, I think I already told you before that I had my fair share of woes and struggles. My concern was not about the prices of STEEM and SBD, but more on the support in our posts. Take note that my definition of support is not limited to upvotes only, as comments and resteems are also equally valuable.

My local community had suddenly became quiet as majority of its members are laying low or permanently out of the platform. I couldn't blame them if they felt it's not worth it anymore. In my comeback plan, I decided to focus on my content so that external factors will be of small effect in my overall attitude towards posting.

I celebrated my one year in the platform last September 25, 2018. I planned to have a meaningful celebration here, but the plan just fizzled out. After much thought, I think I missed a lot in this two months of inactivity. I'm actually amazed of how time flies so fast. It seemed as it was just a week ago when people are going nuts over "crypto" and "earning while sharing a post" and now, they're gone. They have moved on and continued with their usual routine; with the exception of those few who remained.

I have a lot of things to share and I plan to actually do that in the near future. I really wanted to continue sharing my travels within the locality. This is because Cebu has a lot to offer to both local and international tourists and travellers. On my side, it's cheaper since I live here so I don't have to prepare a considerable allowance just for one travel. With less than 500 pesos, you can actually go to some places in Cebu and have a great time there.

I also wanted to share about my thought processes, struggles and how I overcome them, hopes and aspirations, mistakes and failures, and views in life in general. There are tons of things to talk about and I have little time to actually sit down and craft a decent post about them. I know this will be a challenge on my part, but I have to do it.

As for Steemit, I am still hopeful that it will be better, specially on rewards distribution. I know there are still a lot of issues that require everyone's attention, but the big people are there pushing the boundaries further. I don't want to immediately give up on this platform even though most of my friends are now gone. I still want to continue sharing what's on my head just like the old days.

I guess that's all for now people! I am still alive and fighting!

Best Regards,
Kim