Comedy Open Mic #31

This is my entry into comedyopenmic #31. I was nominated by @improv last week through his Punday Monday contest that I take part in every week - go check it out; the pun master @improv is generous with his upvotes and gives out SBI prizes each week and it's a great way to get to know some new Steemians.

Now I actually missed the deadline for comedyopenmic #30, so hopefully it's ok to enter #31.. Here is the link for #31.

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Today I lifted the most coveted trophy in club football ⚽🏆

Yes, today I got to lift the Champions League trophy at a coffee shop at a local shopping centre in Dublin!

This is the closest an Arsenal fan will get to old big ears for quite some time I'm afraid. Yes, I'm a realist!

Ok, so that's not 100% true, but is this the biggest cup you've ever seen or what!?

So, we were out shopping this afternoon and as per usual, we took a break for coffee and treats for the boys. My wife got a table and we settled the 3 boys at the table and then I headed up to order the 2 cappacinos and treats.

"Small, medium or large" came the question from Mr McCoffee dude... What's the difference between medium and large I enquired. So he pointed up to a shelf up high with the different sized cups... I spotted the small and medium, which I thought was the medium and large, so I opted for 2 large cappacinos. I had failed to spot the humongous large vase type effort of a cup languishing behind the small and medium ones and to be honest even the small and medium were big in hindsight. I noticed them on other people's tables as I brought forth the biggest cups ever forged by mankind to our table. I'm still not sure how the table took the weight.

So rewind a little. I shit you not, I see the girl preparing two fish bowl-sized cups of coffee, and I think to myself, what thirsty fecker just ordered those monstrosities? It then slowly dawned on me that it was me! I had ordered the cups so big that they require not one, but two handles!

I said something along the lines of "Holy shit balls, I didn't realise they were so big" and I can hear the sniggers from the other customers queueing behind me. I turned around and smiled at them shaking my head.

Here is my receipt

So, I can only imagine Massimo means Gi-feckin-gantic or something to that effect.

Now you'd think that my wife and I would struggle to finish 6 litres of cappacino each, but after much chatting, lots of laughing and plenty of face cleaning of little chocolate covered munchkins, we looked down in amazement, we had polished the lot. It's going to be great fun trying to nod off tonight.

It gets better, we have a 2 week old new arrival who needs to be fed every 3 hours, so sleep is like hens teeth.. Very very rare!! So, our coffee filled bodies probably won't be able to sleep for those 1 or 2 hours between feeds tonight. Oh the injustice of it all...

shakes fist

The real cup was actually at my office this week!

Ok, this time I am 100% serious! I work for Virgin Media Ireland and last week they had the Champions League and Europa League trophies in our work office and you could get a photo with them. Virgin Sport secured the rights for Champions league and Europa league matches, so the cups were brought to Ireland for a photoshoot and staff were treated to a sneak peak.

That's my friend from work with one cup on either side of him... What a time for a soccer fanatic to have 3 weeks paternity leave!!

Such is life, and who knows, maybe my 2 week old son will captain Arsenal to a Champions league triumph when he grows up and I will really get to lift old big ears!

☺

Nominations

I nominate @deirdyweirdy and @paul.atreides. Both are hilarious wordsmiths!

Thanks as always for taking the time to read my musings :o)

Peace out.