Happy Daylight Savings Time: Comedy Open Mic #37

It is that astrological moment of the year when ancient Governmental dictates align with Uranus.

If only there were some kind of tool, something I wouldn't have to exert myself to access, something that would connect me to all of the known (and much of it made up) information on the Earth in seconds, then I could research other parts of the world to find if they too practiced Daylight Savings Time. Perhaps our children's children will experience this tool.

For now, however, I am forced to assume that Daylight Savings Time is unique to the United States and other conquered nations.

So, for those of you who aren't familiar, tonight I will either manually turn my clock back one hour, or, on my I-Phone, God (Uranus?) will do it for me. This saves energy.

Does anyone know why?

Salvador Dali's melting clock is still not as f-cked as Daylight Savings Time.

Here in the rural townships of central Minnesota, when we are not committing hate crimes on ourselves or one another, my Native American friends, my Amish/Mennonite friends, my Mexican immigrant friends, my Somali immigrant friends, my hick friends, and those guys who come up from the Minneapolis/St. Paul suburbs to hunt deer one weekend a year, agree that Daylight Savings Time is f-cked. It is the one thing that brings us together.

So, do you see? Daylight Savings Time isn't about energy in the practical sense. It is about connecting hopelessly diverse peoples in a common confounded dislike for meaningless bureaucratic gestures.

And that is the best we can hope for.

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Instead of nominations for #comedyopenmic, I'd like to let my boss know that I will be one hour early to work tomorrow, but will redeem myself by showing up an hour late sometime in the Spring.

Thank you.