The Importance of the Right Shoes. Comedy Open Mic Round 12 Entry One

in #comedyopenmic6 years ago (edited)

I know some of you nightclub bitches in spiked heels will scoff at this, but three summers ago, during the sultriest days of late June, my wife and I hiked down the north rim into the interior of Grand Canyon National Park. We hadn’t booked a campsite at the bottom, which is a requirement, but it was so hot, and so many others had cancelled their reservations, that the staff allowed us through after signing a waver that got the United States Government off the hook for whatever might happen to us down there.

I will not go into details. Many people have written about this journey and taken better photographs. In my opinion, this is something you should experience for yourself. However, if you want an idea, check out the book, “Over the Edge: Death in the Grand Canyon.” These pages detail the “gripping accounts of all known fatal mishaps in the most famous of the world’s seven natural wonders.” It claims there have been 550 known souls lost, and it was a near “fatal mishap” for me when my body began to swell with rage and I realized my shoes were a size too small.

14 miles later, near a thermometer that claimed 140 degrees (60 Celsius) in the sun, I soaked my feet in the iced waters of the Colorado River. It was a bloodbath. I had read stories about World War One trench foot and envied their ruined condition over mine. My toes and ankles were swollen and misshapen, like pale logs, and blistered open in dozens of places. I looked like a tortured Hobbit.

I told my wife to go on without me.

But I did not have a life insurance policy and I still had chores to do back in Minnesota, so, like a good Northern lady, she did not give up on me. And like a good Northern guy, I rallied. Two days later, because up and out of the Canyon is a far slower jaunt, we emerged from the abyss and back over the ledge.

I stunk of death. A Boy Scout troop went silent in my presence. The mules gave me room to pass. Had I photographed my feet then, it could have been a poster for what can go wrong and why you need larger hiking shoes then your normal size. But, likely, it would be too gruesome even as an example.

And so, Steemit friends, Let this be a warning.

Thank you.

grand canyon 014.JPG

I nominate @amirtheawesome1, a guy who needs no nomination, but who should experience a desert once in his life. Also, I nominate @mourningnoodles, who also needs no nomination, but whose strange and clever humor deserves more attention.

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Haha! @acolucky, a true gentleman. Where's the photo of your feet? That's the gold right there! I love how you started that next paragraph with, "14 miles later..." I laughed. Honest.

Thanks for the nomination and thanks for sharing and being so supportive. I don't think I'll be doing that hike anytime soon. Maybe when it's winter.

Interestingly, the elevation level at the top of the canyon might make it impossible in winter time. It snows quite a bit.

This is nonfiction. This is pretty much what happened. I crawled out of there and never took pictures. It was gross, frankly.

I see you scored big on your horror scissors bit. Congrats! I've never hit it big like that. Just remember your old friend Aco Lucky when, in the future, you are rolling around in money and groupies.

Aco, you're the damn man. You, @ilt-yodith and the bunch of you over at COM are the mutha effin bomb! I'm not going anywhere. I really love it COM and it's only been like a week and a half.

Also, I don't know how you feel about this but, I think you should post some of your paintings. Although, you may have already I'm just too new to know. I'm now catching up with everyone else, checking out their stuff and trying to get deeply involved in the community. There's something here for sure that's new and fresh and it makes it much easier to come up with stuff when you have an audience cheering you on. Thank you so much!

I post my paintings and write satirical (truthful) pieces about art from time to time. Have you found the comedy open mic discord channel yet?

I have. I've been in and out of there for the past week and a half. But man, it's hard to keep track of. You have any tips? I feel so overwhelmed when I go there. I usually drink a glass of wine first and then head over.

Tips? A lot happens there; mostly when I am asleep. I've judged a few times, so I have access to the judges lounge. Otherwise you can get a lot of information in the comedyopenmic main room. That is about all I can keep up with. So start there.

Also, figure out what it takes to judge some rounds. I can't judge again until I get some things settled in my personal life, it takes quite a bit of time, but it is an experience and the people are cool and the exposure is nice.... ect.

That's about all I can think of now. Off to work! Later.

Brother, I feel your pain. The hike alone would have killed me, even with space-age boot technology. This is funny, but only because it didn't happen to me.

An excellent story, my friend, and this once again emphasizes the importance of choosing shoes for walking around the expanses of the Earth. But you are an old fighter and stood the test, haha.

If you say, your feet are swollen from a shoe, we can claim to the shoe company.
But you say the leg is swollen because of the small shoes, so we do not claim the company, because there is no insurance for small shoes.
Ha ha

Oh man! Just the words are enough for me, I don't need any photographic evidence of your ordeal :D I am glad you didn't have a life insurance and still had chores at home otherwise your wife would have had to find a handyman, which really sounds like a nightmare ;)

Oh god, what madness, I understand you, because once I did a walk on a hill, and 300 meters up, I had my shoes destroyed, and I had to go barefoot, and when I got to the beginning of the road, they had to take me home in a car, because I had very bad feet, really that is something horrible, want to walk and can not because your feet will not let you.

Yes. It is a true story. Thank you.

You're welcome.

I was at the Grand Canyon a couple years ago, and I also did not die. We have a lot in common! Great story.

I like this line:

I looked like a tortured Hobbit.

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