Dinosaur Shawarma - COM 31 Entry 1

in #comedyopenmic6 years ago (edited)

So lately I found out that Kylie Jenner's net worth is over 900 million dollars, she's 21. I found that out while trying to figure out whether to eat the only tuna can I have as food in my house for lunch or save it for dinner. I mean what has she done in her life to be worth that much? Has she ever wrote about porn like I do? Dark envy aside why do we have people that are so overrated? I mean they're everywhere. When was the last time ANYONE watched an Adam Sandler movie? Then why the hell is worth 341 millions? I mean yeah, I did learn a valuable lesson from him about how titles can be deceptive

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Not just the title of the movie, but the name of the lady in the film is Leslie MANN. Can't trust anything these days!.

It's not just people, it's also in the movies we watch. It's such a sad thing to see that Steven Spielberg's Jurassic Park movie which cost 63 millions to make earned over a billion dollars. By the way, yes I did research it Spielberg's net worth is 3.7 billions. Why did it make so much? Went on to be a trilogy. Then had a remake and it's sequel and in each of those earned over a billion dollars! Why are we celebrating dinosaurs? I mean come on! We're celebrating creatures that are basically just losers. Spielberg won 23 awards for the movie, including three Oscars. Why is all that happening? What's so amazing about T-Rex

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T-Rex teeth are designed to break bones. The power of a single T-Rex bite can reach up to 250,000 newtons, a number that would heavily suggest that you shouldn't take a chance of asking a T-Rex for a blowjob. Not that you should ask them for it otherwise, or that they will except. Dead animals can't give blow jobs, I know from experience. I really hope I'm not giving anyone any ideas that would result in them getting arrested in museum at night with their pants down. To put this power in perspective, a human bite at best can reach 1600 newtons. Yes, a T-Rex bite is amazingly record-breaking powerful. But that's not how evolution works, people don't go to gyms to work out their bites. Actually, maybe they do, I never been there obviously.

Biological success doesn't stem from being the biggest or having the strongest bite. It's about who remains alive. Survival isn't for the strongest, it's for the fittest. It's for who will multiply and get their genes going to another generation. With that said, ladies and gentlemen; allow me to introduce to you the greatest creature ever lived.

Drum roll

THE CHICKEN!
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You're done making fun of the chicken? Please don't make fun of creatures that have beaten you and every other creature at survival. Are you aware of how successful chickens are? You know how many chickens are out there? 19 BILLIONS! according to an estimation done 16 years ago. Know how many so-called intelligent tank-making, space-travelling humans are out there? There are 7.442 billion people living on earth. Not suggesting that there are humans on other planets, but there are 6 living in space currently who I'm pretty sure would upset of I don't include them in this post. Okay and how many dinosaurs are living out here? 0, there are zero T-Rex dinosaurs around. Don't take my word for it, go ahead peak outside your window and tell me if you see any. No no, go ahead I'll wait.

You found no T-Rex outside, right? Although if you did please let me know so I delete this post. Anyway, 19 billion chickens and Mr. Spielberg chose the dinosaurs to make a movie about and we all went to watch it. Have we forgotten about the chickens? roasted, grilled, and fried chicken? Have seen any DFC outlet recently as opposed to the 17 thousand KFC outlets in 118 countries? Have you forgotten about eggs? There are 6 billion chickens in the world laying over 62 MILLION tons of eggs annually. Without chickens there will be no CAKE. Without cake what Melanie Martinez sing about? How exciting would it be when your bachelor party stripper jumps out of a huge plate of lasagna? We need cake! The floor would be slippery and the stripper would have burned skull showing her brains, birthdays would be celebrated with bananas and it's just a chaotic life without cake. All of that and Spielberg makes a movie about fucking dinosaurs!

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Yeah, go ahead and enjoy winning those Oscars. Then go home and shove them, you losers encouraging 3.7 billion dollars worth prick of a man.

Not only dinosaurs aren't winners, they're not even alive to take a participation badge. You want to make a movie, then at least make it about the dinosaurs that are still alive. Let me explain; Biologist always categorize living creatures, in 1859 a scientist, that nobody knows wrote in a book that nobody knows the name of. I swear to Allah I'm not making this up. The scientist noticed that certain creatures change through the ages, the process we come to know now as evolution. When he in Argentina for example he noticed that the same place where Armadillo recites

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There used to be a now-extinct animal known as Glyptodon

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And that the latter is very similar to the Armadillo but only bigger. He theorized that creatures can be related to each other. Much like Jesus and @carlgnash

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I don't think a month will go by without me featuring this picture

Of course when that happened people didn't buy it. Much like some people aren't buying the fact that Jesus is related to Carl. There has to be prophecies they said. And while my prophecy will simply be proven come reckoning day. The scientist with the unknown name, a fact that is kinda ruining the legitimacy of this post. In the book he made one (Again, you'll just have to buy my word for it) saying that if you were to say that one animal is related to another you have to find an animal in between that connects them, one that has attributes from both animals, that animal is called transitional fossil. Two years after the book came out a transitional fossil came out in the shape of Archaeopteryx

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Which taught us two important things, 1) you didn't actually bother reading the name, 2) and most importantly if you look at that animal you'd notice three things.

A) Feather
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This shows that this was the first bird existing on earth.

B) Teeth Which proves that it.... well..... has teeth. Which is interesting because we haven't seen any bird has teeth. Unless you're really good at good at Photoshop

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Also there are no reptiles with feather

And finally
C) Their feet
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What do they remind you of? If you've seen Jurassic Park then you know they look exactly a Velociraptor foot
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From those three points we reach a strange place. Much like our inability to label @carlgnash as the other son of god due to his human father. We can't label Archaeopteryx as a reptile because it has feather, and can't be labeled as a bird because it has teeth. Begging the question; what are those things? A question answered by Thomas Huxley

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A man who looks like he's already done with your bullshit.

Huxley said that dinosaurs are the origins of birds, a statement can be evidently seen by a simple look at the Archaeopteryx. That started a series of evidence that show how similar dinosaurs are to birds. In 1960. John Ostrom

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A man that seems to be proud of himself whenever he farts. He discovered the Deinonychus
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A creature that is suggested it precedes Archaeopteryx, I know that you've read neither names, that's just rude..... In 1996 a Chinese farmer discovered the skeleton of a Sinornithosaurus.
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The quality of pictures is starting to deteriorate, aren't they? Sinornithosaurus is the official first bird to ever exist. Also it's okay if you don't actually read that one. With that we know that at least some of the small dinosaurs had feather. In 2000 a four winged dinosaur was found.
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Dead, they found the skeleton, so it's more like this
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Four wings! Can you imagine how many red bull can it takes to get to this level? Today in the science community it's agreed upon that there were at least 20 type of dinosaurs that used to fly, feather or not. It's most likely that the flying ability of those dinosaurs is what made them survive the meteor hitting earth extension that killed the biggest creatures to ever exist on this planet. Any creature weighing more than 25 KG would die, many creatures couldn't find food. The fate of many of those animals is unknown, but it's most likely they survived. Just kidding, most of them died. Don't be so saddened and shocked, this happened million of years ago, they wouldn't have been alive today anyway. Here's the video, PLEASE don't name any of them.

75% of living creatures of all kind died as a result. Who survived? Little flying dinosaurs. Scientists agree that those are the great grandfathers of 10,000 type of birds.
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Including which bird? You guessed it!

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All of that and Mr. 3.7 billion is making a movie about the dinosaurs. With no appreciation whatsoever to the great survivors of the greatest disaster that ever hit earth, the irony. Movies playing on the big screens, making billions of dollars, and you pay 39 dollars to KFC for a bucket of chicken, the irony indeed. We glorify the losers, make movies, museums, and themed parks about. While we indignify the great heroes of our time, and buy them for a cheap with a coleslaw salad, some gravy, hot sauce and large Pepsi.. Is anyone else getting hungry.

Much like plants, a subject I previously wrote about, chickens aren't being respected. Like at least make them star in the movies instead of spending millions on mechanics and special effects. You could have given the job to a chicken. Example of that seen here.

In Summary

While we are giving millions to creatures that aren't worth it. There are pretty cheap ones (I.E me) that are worth at least some of it. Chickens are biologically successful and with I hope to start a petition for Hollywood to show them the respect they deserve and make the next Jurassic movie about them.

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I nominate @traf/@trafalgar, @berniesander, and @anomadsoul in hope that we start a movement to show these people by upvoting this till I'm richer than Kylie Jenner, or at least Adam Sandler. I'll settle to having equal amount of food as the local dog...

Finally if you like what you read here, I'm currently not able to find job. If you want to feel free to donate.
Here is my BTC Wallet
171RjQ6wjkVE1ViVUhdznGkTYtsivrLYYJ

Finally, take a look at the sources below. After all I could be lying

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13.

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Fantastic sources. Probably. I sure do love chickens. I would make movies all the time about them.

It's always nice to have your sources complimented. Jurassic Bawk is a box office hit waiting to happen.

You don't know my dad. Human? HAH!!!


This post was shared in the Curation Collective Discord community for curators, and upvoted and resteemed by the @c-squared community account after manual review.

KFC's revenue was 23 billion USD in 2013.

CHICKEN POWER!!!

That chicken is my spirit animal lol.

Should be everyone's IMO

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