Rehab | I'm a Steaddict | Comedyopenmic Round 17

in #comedyopenmic6 years ago (edited)

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Alexas_Fotos on Pixabay

I guess my fans have noticed that I've been absent

Of course I know that I have a responsibility to my group of fans to post every single day, so that they have something to gossip about during lunch or dinner. I get that, really! And normally I am a good girl, you all know I usually post every single day. No weekends off, for me every day is the same. And I know for a fact that when you can't keep up with keeping your fans informed, it might cost you a group of followers.. Therefore I've been forcing myself to keep posting, for months in a row. When I had fever or a cough and felt like I was dying, I still tried to post a quick photo or something. And see where this led to. I could not do it anymore.

I had to be honest to myself

One morning I looked in the mirror and I looked like shit, finally I had to admit to myself that I have a problem. A fucking big one too. Here it comes.. I am an addict.. Not one of those drug or alcohol addicts, no no.. a freaking Steaddict! I hear you thinking? "Anouk, wtf is a Steaddict? Girl, you trippin' ?" I will get to that in a bit, don't worry you will get your explanation of my absence in posting great quality posts!
But I did get you there, didn't I? You were expecting me to confess my drug or alcohol addiction here? Well, I am offended if you did, you should know me better if you are a real fan.. waves hand in your face

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Ivanovgood on Pixabay

Back to the Steaddict part, it's something new actually. In the past years you may have heard about Instaddicts (Instagram Addicts) of Faddicts (Facebook Addicts) or even Gaddicts (Google Addicts) they are out there among us! If you ever meet one of the addict versions above, make sure you get the hell out of there right away. They will infect you with their poisonous infections yuk. I mean come on, F Book and Insta plus G-zine are sooooooo 2015 .. come on folks! What were you thinking getting hooked to those shitty online things? I mean, I get it when you are a Pornaddict because that's only human...

Luckily I am not one of those addicts.. thankfully

My problem is a very new and unfortunately still very unknown problem. The doctor told me that he has seen an increasing number of people visiting him with the same symptoms I have. And he could not figure out what the hell we were speaking about, he almost described all of us antipsychotics because we were referring to steem / sbd / steem power / minnows / whales and reward pool-rapes. For a minute the guy thought we were raped in a certain poule all at once. Like a sort of sect or cult. But after a while the guy finally started to understand we were alle talking about Steemit, that blockchain thing that is taking over the internet now. I can't blame him for not understanding it right away though, I had to dive deep too before I started to understand how this freaking thing actually works.

He told me that the only diagnose he could give me was: Steaddict. Because it sounds pretty cool, and you know it's just right mixed together in one word. I actually agree with him.

Doctors orders were strict

He said: "I know you got all these things you need to do on the thing called Steemit, but the next four days you will only focus on curating stuff, and no posting yourself!" I tried to reason with him at first, didn't work. He threatened to let @ned deactivate my Steemit account. I can't have that! So I looked at him with my puppy eyes holding my head a bit to the side (hoping he would be sensitive for that kind of behavior) but it didn't work. Teared up I left the doctor's office to tell my boyfriend the bad news. He was excited, finally he would have some time to interact with me, instead of watching me sit at the desk behind my laptop. At least someone's happy, damn it...

Today I was allowed to post again

Thankfully I started writing, and writing to notice that I had a lot more inspiration than when I post every single day.
Maybe that doctor isn't that stupid after all ! So there you go my friends, this is why I was not posting for days..
But you may have heard the saying: "Once an addict, always an addict" once or twice in your life.. So to make sure I will not let Steemit get in my head again, I will now try to have a more healthier balance with my Steemtivities. (Steemit Activities, sorry I just love to mix those words and shuffle them in to one word).

But to make sure that I will stay as positive as I can be, I am now counting on all of you to support me in my Steemtivities, alright? Cheers to having Steemfriends, you are all going to be my sponsors in this! You know in those AA meetings you get a sponsor, I get to have many more .. Steemit is great!

Much love,

Your Steaddict Anouk

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This time I nominate my fellow Boobzonians @linnyplant yes I know you love to play hide and seek when I show up, but boobs come on,don't be such a pussy (you like cats I know I know) and stop the ghost thing, listen to your almighty leader of the Boobzone! Finally, got that of my chest! <3 I like you though don't be scared of my super powers! Together we can be even more powerful!


And the second lucky winner of my personal nomination this week isssssssssss @diebitch you know why? Because I like to pronounce your name like we say it in Dutch... and I do gossip about you, so I do actually get to say it quite often! Probably you need to pronounce it in English, but I will stick to the Dutch for once! You are the second Boobzonian that I nominate to deliver a damn fine post for this round..


That's all folks, adios!

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Where is the Steaddict helping phone line posted? Can't see it.... help

My bad! Just call 911 ask for the Steaddict anonymous help line!

well, i am a boobaddict -----> baddict

I thought this was going to be an erotic post..... what a clickbait

Stead - she mount something
Dic - what it sounds like
t - shuss....scandalous

Are you accusing me of clickbaiting.. damned...
You have a way of thinking that like everything is about sex, don't you?
I think you might just be a Sexdict ! (yes I know, sex and dic...)

hey, don't discriminate, i'm also a Sexcunt!

I don't discriminate at all, I had to choose though.. I am also a lot more things than a Steaddict, you don't hear me saying all these names here, do you? :)

gimme names anoukky..... saucy yes!

I know why you picked the name DJ ! It has something to do with the DJ Booth and sneaky things behind the booth, I am most confident.. You got a dirty mind (see @linnyplant, I will focus on @dj123 now so we can be cool again!)

appears

oh, @dj123 told the meaning behind her name Anouk. It stands for Dominatrix Jugs 123. I guess that’s her kinky bossy mistress name she uses at her sex club.

And as long as you stop coming up with new boob-room names, we’re good! 😘😘 to you ladies. Carry on...

disappears

Aha so now I know your secret @dj123 It's about 1,2,3 hits with the robe! I now imagine you as a sexy dominatrix

Go here https://steemit.com/@a-a-a to get your post resteemed to over 72,000 followers.

Hi my name is Carl and I am a steaddict. I feel you :)

Hi Carl ! will you be my sponsor? :)

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Lol. For us to be your sponsors, wouldn't we all need to decide for rehab too? ;)

I guess you got a valid point here.. :)

Damn Doctors always ruin everything.

They do, don't they ...?

I'm sorry to hear of your affliction. Please don't listen to doctors of modern medicine. For this condition, I prescribe 2g of medicinal cannabis and 1 tab of LSD.

Then get writing.

On it, thanks alternative medicine doctor.
Where would I be with your advice?

I really like that first photo cuz it just sums up the life of a Steemian (ok, maybe only the Steaddicts). I do feel like I'm becoming a skeleton from the amount of time spent in front of my laptop.

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