My hubby was a cleaning lady for a day and killed it so hard that his witch boss wished he is no more - Comedy Open Mic Round #26

Lately, I re-started my card reading and divination, and my dearly beloved hubby is horrendously abusing that interest of mine. It is not as he is asking me to shuffle an each time he is choosing a pair of socks, but I bet that day will come.

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Cover image attribution Source

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He is reasonably superstitious, meaning he believes in ALL the superstitious beliefs on a grand scale. All twelve yards, from the ghost to the black cats and voodoo...

Well, anyways he stomped in the living room the other day asking me immediately to shuffle.

Interesting fact to remember. A true card reader will not ask you what you want to know unless a question is a nitpicking specific. If a person asks you a million questions, you are probably dealing with a charlatan who is eager to impress. I am not even slightly into impressing, because usually cards just randomly deliver.

I said ok, I will, but as I just started using a new and a different set of cards, I narrowed the card number and told him not to expect too much of it.

He agreed and asked me to carry on.

The first reading showed me a male person of the authority, but no negative connotations associated. I always look for the drama in my cards. But, in this case, everything was ok.

As long I don't see him .. - said my hubby alluding to a previous associate he wouldn't like to see in the near future.

I want to see something else, he said to me, so shuffle again.

The next reading showed me a place, some small town, a female person, a hag that will cause mishap and troubles, but the reading showed a little money acquired, doe I had no idea where from.

Well, my hubby said, I am going to work for the next few days as a janitor in the nearby summer resort, but I am pretty sure my boss won't be a hag or a woman. You didn't tell me much...

Well, these are the new type of the divination cards, I still don't know how to use them properly.

I hope your reading is correct, he said, but you definitely lack some practice.

I hate when you are right... I answered shuffling my flashy new set. Anything else??

No, this will be enough.

The next day he went to his job rather early, as he had to travel so I didn't see him until late afternoon when he stomped in the apartment and landed in the living room with a profound appearance of a person who just spent a day in Hell.

I assumed this is not caused by a physical work, as this dude is one of a few who can work as a horse without getting tired, regardless the nature of a job. What is fair is fair, he is incredibly capable and strong. Unlike me. In comparison, I am a sack of jello with tits attached. Sadly...

You have no idea what happened to me, he yelled at me taking a seat while I and my parrot were looking at him with the same pigeon expression.

No, please do tell me I said while shuffling my troubled card set and my parrot resumed shuffling his tail feathers.

I think your parrot is combing his ass... he noticed...

Back to your job. What happened today!? - I took his focus back from my parrot's ass to the subject at hand. Also, I was eager to know how wrong I was.

He described to me what happened, and I was not wrong.

He didn't see an uncomfortable acquaintance he believed he would, but apparently, he was sent by his company in the summer resort at the wrong job. A woman who suppose to be his boss welcomed him at the hotel's reception and in the matter of the seconds, her face deformed into a disappointed grimace.

But, I asked for a cleaning lady. Men CAN NOT do this job... - She went straight to his face and it was all but pleasant.

Now, if anything irks my husband is when somebody says he can't do something. He has the same obsession as me. If it is a no-go situation, it can only be one thing. A challenge.

To loose a full day shift was a catastrophe to him, and in no way, he would allow that. He said to her that he has no problem to be a 'cleaning lady', because a fact is, in some institutions, the male custodians perform maintenance tasks as the woman are simply not allowed to enter.

She grunted something into her hairy chin, munched her lips and walked him into the resort.

So, what is a problem? Well, a problem was HER. She was so eager to prove that the men can't be the cleaning ladies, she went at lengths and was into his hair an entire day.

First, she assigned him to clean the beach what he did in halftime three of the cleaning ladies usually do. When he was done, she started showing him cigarette buds that were not there only a minute ago, so he instantly started to doubt she was fooling him.

She assigned him other tasks, and he finished all of them with the flying colors. The more he was doing, the more she was agitated and annoyed, while at last she turned a full gargoyle style at him and started to phone call him every now and then hoping it will make a difference...

But, everything was done in a blink of an eye, the part of the summer resort assigned to him was all neatly checked and all errors corrected, all internal facilities squeaky clean, floors polished, showers and toilets shined up, the mold and limescale removed, even the shower heads repaired, toilet paper and paper towels in place, he even washed the door frames, removed spider webs around the sanitation and polished the mirrors.

All that - two hours before the end of his shift.

When the supervisor came my hubby had nothing to do anymore, so he stepped outside of his post to lit a cigarette and immediately his unsavory 'witch boss' jumped out of nowhere - she was probably hiding in the bushes and spying - and started complained to the supervisor how a man can't do a woman's job.

My hubby was shocked to hear that, as the evidence behind him proved a completely different story, but he finally gave up as he saw what this was - and it was not about his work.

So, he said that he did what he was asked but if his gender is a such a problem he will take another assignment from his company, and not this one.

Witch boss finally got an answer she was hoping to hear and started to quack to her supervisor that the three of them are more than capable to perform a job on their own. My hubby almost rolled his eyes back to his brain, knowing that a situation he found was neither clean nor 'managed'.

But the supervisor let her have it that way and released my hubby home.

My husband left in the hope he will never ever experience such a degrading and unfair conduct, and in a way back he noticed that a part of the summer resort that those 'more than capable ladies' supposed to clean out, is covered in trash and plastic bottles. The plastic bottles can be recycled and sold to the local dealer for a handsome sum.

He walked down to that part wondering what those women were doing the whole day, took a big plastic bag left aside, pick up all the bottles covering that area, went to a depo and sold them.

Here, he told me pulling out something from his bag, I bought our daughter two pairs of shoes from the recycled sum - one pair of the sandals and one pair of sneaker. Crazy, isn't it, they were on the discount today...

Well, that is a great thing, very well done, I said.

He is one of a few people who always turn a bad situation into a good one.

Now, everything is good and you don't need to worry about those envious witches - I said to him - because you will not work there anymore.

I still don't get it, he continued, why would she do such a thing... He was contemplating about the possible reason for this sort of a crazy behavior. - She should be happy to have such a great worker at her side.

This coming from anyone else would sound a little bit too much, but in his case this is 100% concentrate of a pure truthfulness. He is one of a few people who works without any complaining and does the job as told. A real true purple squirrel.

The reason is simple, I told him. It is not your gender at all, it is how slow and lazy there are. If the supervisor knew that you perform better than three of them, he would probably fire them and hire others who can do the same job better and faster.

Ah , that so... - he said.

So, do you want a lunch, a coffee or a reading? - I asked him.

Nope! - he waved his huge palms at me. - No more of your readings. I had enough. I don't want the lunch either. I lost my appetite. Coffee would be great.

Ok... - I said and just about when I was ready to pour him some coffee, he asked me...

Still, tell me, I had such a huge trouble with the mirrors, the liquid she gave me made the entire thing more difficult and harder...

Did she give you a different sort of a liquid for the mirrors, than for the rest...? I asked him.

No, it was the same. She said it is ok... - he answered.

... because the one for the washing usually smudges everything so bad that it is nearly impossible to shine the mirrors again...

Ah, that's why she gave it to me. Well- he stood up to put his bag away - what a stupid chicken brain. I shined them anyway!!

Aw, I believe you - I replied imagining the poor mirrors squealing under those huge ironclad fists.

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I hope you enjoyed my story. I nominate @warpedpoetic and @macchiata

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