I've Hit Rock Bottom, Please Send Me Steem

The creativity well has dried up, that's it. Draw the curtains, the show is over.

The spontaneous and witty content you have grown to love and expect from me is gone, the money has all dried up and I can no longer afford to be your source of holy, your shining star and Steem father figure for those times when you get sad about how your dad didn't spend enough time with you as a child.

Well, did you know your dad had to carry the weight of the household on his shoulders? Your mother was at home lovingly raising you, doing the best she could and that meant your father had to put in some long hours just so you could enjoy the things your friends had like Gucci sweaters, trips to the peninsula and expensive large capacity iPhone's because they don't support SD cards.

But @beggars it costs nothing to post on Steem, there are no transaction fees. Oh really, no fees huh? Why don't you explain that to the bank who keeps on asking when I can catch up on the mortgage payments, huh?

Don't despair sad Steemian, there is hope and you can make a difference

Are you looking for that spark to return, the passion in your eyes and fire in my loins to start spraying that warm gooey content all over the blockchain like Poutine in an upscale Canadian restaurant that has a coat rack and everyone refers to you as sir or madam?

For just a small donation of 25 Steem or Steem Dollars, you can help fund my off-brand, typo-laden content on the blockchain.

Wow, only 25 Steem Dollars @beggars what a deal!!!111

Look, I am going to be honest. I have a crippling @steemmonsters addiction and I really need to buy more booster packs and they cost money. I just don't write that much anymore because Steem Monsters consumes all of my time now and if you see my family tell them I am alive.

If I told you some of the things I have done to get my current Steem Monsters collection, you would be appalled, maybe even disgusted. Do you know what it's like being on your hands and knees in a dark alleyway while you look for small change people have dropped onto the ground, just so you can have a little taste of that elusive Gold Dragon?

Do you know how many old ladies I have had to deceive and trick out of their life savings just so I can achieve critical Steem Monsters acclaim? Do you know what it's like to pretend to be a boat salesman, and not be around to see the inevitable despair on the conned clients face when the authorities tell them they were scammed and they're not getting a boat?

When I was a child I wanted a chemistry set for Christmas so badly and eventually, I got one when I was 13 years old. I was so damn excited I put on my safety goggles and lab coat, and I mixed every damn chemical together in a test tube and it caused a buildup of pressure and broke the test tube, spraying some corrosive liquid onto the ceiling and carpet in my bedroom. My dad was furious.

My dad had to repaint that roof 5 times because whatever was on the roof was so corrosive it would leak through the paint (but hey, that's what dads do right?). He even tried sanding it and continued to paint it, but that chemical patch would bleed through the paint every time, until the fifth and final time when he finally covered it.

The money that you send me is going to be used to buy booster packs, as many as possible. I could power up my Steem account, but there are cards to buy and what good does powering up do besides raising the value of my Steem account? There is more to life than Steem power and it's called Steem Monsters.

I still haven't got a Gold Dragon and it's fuelling my insecurities. Do you know how hard it is to look my own family in the eyes each and every day, knowing that they know I have failed to get a Gold Dragon? What kind of man would I be in the eyes of my son if I can't even get a Gold Dragon legendary in a Steem Monsters booster pack?

Still reading? What are you waiting for? Send me 25 Steem dollars today

Also, I nominate @choogirl and the mysterious @ausbitbank to tell us a funny joke.

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_{This is my second entry for @comedyopenmic The weekly contest is now into round 17 and honestly, the entries so far except mine are not really that good, unless you like reading jokes about killing innocent puppies and depriving orphans of basic life needs (like love, shelter and warmth).}

_{If you want to read my hilarious first-entry which will most likely win the competition and @comedyopenmic should just send me the money now for @steemmonsters you can read it [here]. Hilarious, right? Now where is my booster pack money?}