comedyopenmic13 FIRST ENTRY: CHURCH OF STEEM

Good day ladies and gentlemen. You're welcome to Sunday School. Today's a great day people, we have two new members; they've given up their past life of raping goats and embraced child molestation; please welcome @amirtheawesome1 and @yesaye to this service.
Praise the Lord!! Today's sermon is focused on the road to heaven and I don't mean through @diebitch's thighs, her husband's the devil and we all know where that asshole lives. Before I start, let us pray: "dear Mexican Jesus, come into my heart, don't let me be the twat that distracts my neighbor, Amen!!"
Please have a seat everyone. *Congregation sits down, (everyone but @holybranches as he squirms around looking for his phone, what a twat).
Ladies and Gentlemen, last night while I was perusing through the good book and messages in the Latino section of Porn hub, Mexican Jesus came...

Jésus specifically asked me to tell you all that Heaven isn't for everyone. If you're Indian, German or American, you should consider switching Nationality at least before you die or take a piss(as death is called in Iraq). Don't be dismayed or panic, I know it sounds harsh as the paper work to switch Nationality takes days and finding a vulnerable old woman to marry these days is twice as difficult because of Nigerian guy; touched by the suffering that would happen to the Germans, Americans and Rapists, I asked for a spiritual means of switching Nationality and Jèsus said, to switch, one has to place his or her right hand on their penis/breast and left hand on their head and ten recite the first line of his or her new country, Just like that you're saved, free from eternal damnation and spending an eternity with @diebitch and her husband.

By the way, the offering baskets are going round, nothing is too spoil, all the proceeds will go towards winning more souls and taking the church to a higher place.
Today's a good day to be @jerrybanfield and @steemmatt to be saved, join this madness and be saved.
Until next week, have a breast blessed day.