The Bishop in my mouth: Comedyopenmic 36 Second Entry

Ghouls, gobblings, zombies, mum giving birth to a baby brother and flesh eating monsters. Halloween is a time to celebrate the weird and out of sorts, this is the story of mine. Depending on who’s telling the story and from what angle, you could be a hero or the villain. If you believe the plot depicted by my not so little brother @skiwzz in his story, you’d think I’m both but I prithee listen to my short story of how it all started.

Like all great stories, this one starts with two people having sex, my parents actually and that lead to pregnancies, which they had quite a lot of; on one side, its fair to say they enjoyed themselves on the other hand, one can assume they never heard of birth control pills or abortion. My parents have 8 kids, it was suppose to be 6 and I was suppose to be the last but again, that’s a story for another day.

The Usurper

It was sometime between 1995 and 1996, I was in the post toddler stage and reeling from the fact that this cute asshole appeared out of nowhere to horde all the breast milk and attention. The natural parental urge to take embarrassing photos of babies showed it’s evil face in our parents’ mind and they obliged.

As expected, the day centred around the cute new baby; he baited them with all sorts of cuteness. There was this one time, he was given a chess piece(I think it was a bishop) and he put it into his mouth and started sucking on it for no reason, they thought it was cute, however when I did, I totally got ignored. It was horrible. The day took a turn for the worst when we were suppose to take a photo together. The plan was that he’d sit on my lap in the photo but immediately he was placed on me, he showed his true motive and started pissing on himself, which of course was an obvious attempt to piss all over me. I escaped that day but wasn't so lucky later in life. He spent the next few years pissing all over me because we shared a bed all through childhood and I took most of the blame.
Now you know the truth.

I can still taste that Chess piece

This short story is for week 36 of Comedyopenmic, a community run contest aimed at disrupting the blockchain with laughter and monkey business. I nominate @skiwzz and his imaginary friend, @bhoa to make entries for this week’s contest.