Welcome to Zombieland: Comedyopenmic 34 First Entry

in #comedyopenmic5 years ago

If you live or have lived in most places in Nigeria, you will most likely be aware of some of the problems in our society. Amongst the problem prevalent in our 3rd world system is the menace that comes in the form of zombies. Hollywood depicts zombies to be mindless, soulless beings in pseudo-human shells wandering about in search of living tissue/flesh to consume. There's no explanation as to why these zombies work/walk in groups, why they don't feed on each other and why their brain still functions, considering they're dead and all. This led me to study these beings, using my immediate environment as a case study and invariably expose them.
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My initial inference was that zombies are indeed soulless and mindless beings but actually act with reason. Their reason for existing isn't actually to feed, because they're technically dead and don't need food but to pass on their mindless ways to a more rational being, something zombie experts refer to as Zombiefication. A close look at the political sphere in Nigeria as an isolated casewouold point out that there are indeed a group of individuals slowly spreading their mindless and of course soulless agenda into the public. Their operation is heavily reliant on violence and racketeering. The violence is often purported by these set of puppet zombies creatures willing to do just about anything for money and power. A good lot of them die but not before influencing others by " biting" into their living soul.

There's also another set of zombies that live amongst us and act in a more subtle way. These kind of zombies are often controlled by rules, doctrines and ancient dogma but be really careful if you ever come in contact with them. They also bite. In Nigeria, you'd find them out in the open, especially on Fridays and Sundays but this is not to say they can't hit you somewhere else. They're in the banks, live on your street and can blend into clandestinally, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. Their method of propagation is mostly through blackmailing and coercion of one's "soul". They come with the promise of eternity, virgins, streets made of gold or a pit/lake of fire. The most common way of surviving this sort of zombie attack is the application of logic and common sense, however be very careful, as they have developed ways to even by pass this weapon.
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Social Zombies

Perhaps the most dangerous of the first three as they could seemingly fit in with the first two mentioned above. They present themselves to be as harmless as humans, so they can bite in the subtlest of ways. These set of zombies are often swayed by everything new and shiny. They only crave for the new fad and are often found worshipping/trying to become a celebrity seen on the screen. Their mindless desire to become a TV character often leads them to dressing in "exotic" ways that belies their obvious thirst for blood. There's still no known way to avoid these kind because they can be found in just about anywhere, hweover, the rule of thumb is that whatever's totally cool at the moment sways them and then when that ends, they simply move on to the next cool thing.

In the final case we have the actual zombies. These are mindless, soulless blood thirsty assholes who perpetrate all sorts of cruelty in the land. Like zombies in Hollywood, their motive is still unknown but they're characterized by the blood trail they leave behind. They come under various guises, sometimes referred to as "Fulani herds men", other times its Boko Haram. What we know for sure is that their motives aren't known. In certain times these zombies act in union with the political puppet zombies. Its difficult to tell the difference when they work in union but its often the same outcome.

Now I'll zombie walk out of here to blend in, my time is up and I must go before they discover my location. Its a zombie Apocalypse. SOS

I'd also like to nominate @trumpman and @detlev to send me dick pics and of course make entries into the contest.

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Hi belemo,

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Haha that nomination though.

Eesh, guess the grass really isn't any greener on the other side of the globe, eh? Seems the zombie infestation has spread worldwide at this point.

Yup. Its creeping into every corner. At some we'll have to zombie walk home.

We're all zombies .. starring at a computer screen or phone.

Right you are my friend, right you are

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