What to do about your Piranhas (26)

in #comedyopenmic6 years ago (edited)

Let's get serious and discuss a pressing issue: what to do about your piranhas.

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You probably acquired them on a trade for your set of ninja swords, sped home with your bucketful of piranhas, and told your goldfish that you'd met someone more interesting.
Then again maybe you went to the local fishing hole, and on that particular day only the piranhas were biting.

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Hang on, how did they end up getting named "Mr and Mrs Bitey?" That's not scary!
Your girlfriend won't stop cooing over how cute they are!
Awwww look at Mr. Bitey! He is dragging the piece of fish into their cave so that Mrs. Bitey can have breakfast in bed! That's adorable! When will you get breakfast in bed for me?
(Next post: how to get rid of your girlfriend using a tankful of piranhas)

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Your piranhas, like two horny teenagers in a Disney movie, don't seem to care that the whole world sees them making out through the aquarium glass walls.
Sitting there with your bowl of Top Ramen, watching your piranhas eat morsels of fresh crab and white fish, you wonder why you don't eat as well as they do.

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Your fearsome fish seem scared of everything and you spend most of the day looking at an empty tank, wondering what your ninja swords are doing.
Why do these fish only come out of their cave to eat?
This is nothing like the movie promised.

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Solution: trade your piranhas for a fearsome python.
Finally! Masculinity and fear incarnate in a glass tank!

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https://filmschoolrejects.com/jon-voight-eaten-alive-how-much-of-anaconda-is-based-in-fact-1c332022104d/

A month later: this is nothing like the movie promised!
Why does this snake only come out of his cave to eat?

Excerpt from your girlfriend's blog:
Please help, what do I do about my boyfriend? He keeps snakes and piranhas, and only comes out of his man cave to eat...

Yes, those were my piranhas. Yes, they were adorable fish that loved to feed each other and cuddle and were not at all aggressive (thank god). No, my girlfriend did not end up inside the piranha tank. That was the python's job.

Ok having an off day. Have had to rewrite this post a dozen times cause it seems funny to me but also makes me want to cry, the reason being these fish came along at a time in my life my wife and I were separated... Now we are getting divorced.
Wasn't expecting a piranha story to trigger me. That would be expected from a triggerfish. You know what, I think that our funny bone kinda lies close to wherever sadness comes from cause to really appreciate comedy sometimes you have to let your guard down.
So today you get a little reflection on pathos brought to you by Mr. and Mrs. Bitey.

I nominate @wolfhart and @gibber to regale us with some fail stories.

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Humor is emotion.

it's an expression of creative talent that requires one to tap into emotion and pass it on to others, and then surprise them with the words.

shame about the wife. but hey, at least you still have a nice python.

Ohhh. That makes more sense. I thought "your girl" meant your daughter, and then the next several sentences were...
Disconcerting

Thanks for the feedback better fix that!

Slightly off topic, but have you seen Python? It is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. When it's in its huge form, it's 30 feet long or so, but when it is in its small form you could totally keep it in your man cave. It can also eat full grown ladies without even crushing them.

Haha yeah I'm pretty sure I've seen it on late night TV.
When I wrote this I think I was wondering how much of our impressions of certain animals are based from Hollywood renderings.
For sure, piranhas are not the bloodthirsty aggressive biters that many think that they are.
I think the guy that films "monster fish" found this out as well.
Although, there would be a noticeable difference if the fish are born in captivity vs the wild.
The snake and Jon Voight pic is taken from the movie "Anaconda."

Nice rock bass. Rooster tails are my favorite lure for them as well.

Wish I had more time these days to go fishing =/

U rock buddy, I only came over from that link you sent me and this is well funny.
loved it :D

Haha, thanks!
Told you I would do a post about some of my fish =p

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