Butthurt Bernie: Join The Shoes-For-A-Dictator Appeal And Save An Ego!
What do Adolf Hitler, Josef Stalin, Benito Mussolini, Idi Amin, and Pol Pot all have in common?
The answer is they all wore platform shoes because they were all little men. Oh and they also happened to be brutal dictators that killed millions.
Coincidence? Hmmm, not all short men are dictators, but all dictators are short men.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not being sizeist, I have a few male friends who are 5'9" and below and none of them have dictator syndrome and are quite fine with their height, in fact their amazing personalities add a few inches to their stature.
Another Butthurt For Bernie
It is clear that our favourite tinpot dictator @berniesanders, or as I like to call him Sir Bernie of the Butthurt, is a very small man, both in stature and mind. My guess is like Mussolini, he is around 5'6" tall, probably even smaller and that unalterable fact is hurting Bernie's butt so bad that he has gone dictator mad on us.
So what you need old chap is to get your hands on the must-have dictator wear, some good old fashioned platform shoes.
If you're worried that platforms are too formal, worry no more! The diminutive boxer Floyd Mayweather, has a pair of platform sneakers you could borrow, and of course with all your pilfered Steem, you can buy your own.
However even if you don't know Floyd and you are embarrassed to go shopping for them, I am starting an appeal for you right here and now!
win-win-win!!!
Shoes For Butthurt
So below I thought I'd start off our Shoes For A Dictator appeal, with a few lovely choices that Lord Butthurt may like.
The Brogue:
For the dictator who is always on the move and demands comfort as well as height.
The Rainbow
For the cheeky-chappy despot who is in touch with his feminine side. Doubles up as great Pride wear.
The Gliteratti
When you have no idea what to wear to the bloodbath. Goes with most military attire.
Silly Whites
For that frivolous dictator-about-town, be authoritarian and fun all at once!
Pink Panthers
When you just want to outshine everyone in the room. These attention grabbers will definitely make people realise how important and glamorous you are!
Rainbow High Tops
Nobody is going to mess with you in these bad boys! Make sure that you stand out in any crowd, and the extended heel leaves plenty of room for multiple circle-jerkers to lick your boots all at once. Mmmm dictatory.
Red Or Dead
It is impossible for anyone viewing you in these to mistake you for someone of low stature. These beautiful creations will not only boost your tiny frame to well over six feet tall, they are also incredibly effective at crushing your enemies.
PLEASE JOIN THIS SERIOUS APPEAL TO HELP PROP UP THE FRAGILE EGO OF OUR POOR TINPOT DICTATOR @BERNIESANDERS BY POSTING PICTURES OF YOUR PLATFORM SUGGESTIONS BELOW.
OR ALTERNATIVELY SEND 1000SBD TO WWW.HELPBUTTHURTBERNTOBETALL.SHITPOST
THANK YOU! YOUR HELP IS APPRECIATED.
LMAO...my dad always said: beware of short men, for they have an inferiority complex just like small dogs. That's why small dogs bark a lot.....but of course I'm not generalizing, I also do have short friends who don't "bark" LOL
Exactly! Some are happy with their size, maybe they learn martial arts so they feel confident. Others like to bark and bark, whilst the big dog walks lazily past! :-)
Cg