2018 E.O.S. Rap Battle Finale | ComedyOpenMic - Round 30
Welcome back everyone - What’s up Steemit?! You’ve waited long enough, let’s get this party started, you ready?! I know you’re all here to witness this epic rap battle finale so I won’t make you wait any longer.
Less than 24 hours ago we had 57 MC’s up here, count ‘em! Five.Seven. And we’re down to the Final Four! Ladies and gentlemen, musicians and groupies, make some nnoooooiissse - Show some love for this years 2018 E.O.S (End Of Summer - You knew that!) Rap Battle finalists!!!
Pexels + Photoshop
The crowd goes crazy!!
Finalist Number 1 - Right outta Southern Alabama folks, that’s right! S-A (for Ed) in the house!! You know who she is, she’s that 39 year old housewife and mother of four who got married at the young age of 18 and regrets it every day of her life!! Put your hands together for Mrs. MC Southern Balls!!
”ahhhh”
You got anything you wanna say, Mrs. MC Southern Balls?
“Ya! I ain’t no Southern Bell Barbie doll, I’m a set of Southern Bell Brass Balls uh!.. right across your southern nose UH!”
Alright, alright! Someone’s heated up - Welcome Mrs. MC Southern Balls!!
”0ohhhh”
Finalist Number 2 - Rappin and packin on one-way streets outside Columbia, Georgia, USA. Put your hands together for Gangsta G-Loc Luger!
”aahhhh”
How you doin tonight Gangsta G-Loc Luger, you ready to take this title to Georgia??
“Yo, yo, I’m G.G.L.L ya’all gone need need a shot of good, good, luck, luck ya feel me?!” Thank you, Gangsta G-Loc Luger! Sounds like you’re ready ready for this finale finale!
”ahh” “ahh”
Finalist Number 3 - You already know him, he’s last years E.O.S semifinalist. Straight outta IngleWoooooood, California!! Give it up for Masta Meta-4!
”Oooh”
You ready to show us something Masta Meta-4?
“Oh you know like, shake your head left to right, psych! Ima get down but lower on these clowns, like a insane posse lawn mower pow!” Alright! Thank you Masta Meta-4, I cant wait like a hostess to see what you’re dishin out.
”Yaaaa!!”
Finalist Number 4 - Last but not least, it’s the new guy - He may be a rookie on this stage but make no mistake, he earned his place! Outta the east end of Long Island, New York, a little village called The Hamptons, he’s a nine-time Parent Teacher Association Gold Member and currently the President of New York City’s Sail & Yacht Club Association!! Show some love for Sir Edmonton Endovocalstein IV!!!
”Ahhh”
“G’day lad, acquire of me by way of See4, ok then run along now, cheerio.”
Uhm, ya, what he said. See4? You got it, See4! We’re looking forward to seeing you blow the lid off this joint.
”ahhhh”
Ladies and gentlemen now you’ve heard em! Let’s meet em! These MC’s are ready to entertain you, right here on Steemit, winner take-all! One contender is going home with 365 days of Bragging Rights!! Let’s get all four contenders up here so we can flip a coin and get this battle staarrrrrted!!
Pixabay + Photoshop
You got one shot, that’s all you got - If you’re cold, you go home, end of story. Whoever kills these 8 bars continues to the next round and loser goes home, I ain’t sayin it again.
Let’s get Mrs. MC Southern Balls and See4 up here. Mrs. MC Southern Balls, ladies first. Call it in the air.
:flip:
“Gimme Head!”
Oh!! It is heads! It’s your call Mrs. MC Southern Balls, you wanna go first or last?
“Let this crotch get his moment of fame so he can get back to his hedge fund.”
”oooohh”
You heard her See4, you’re up first, you ready??
“I’m ‘bout to grenade like an ingrown hair on your taint!”
“eewww”
Hey DJ COM-30 drop the beat!
“You ready.. uh, uh. Yo, come on!
Look here trick, cook me somethin, this ain’t your game.
I wouldn’t waste a check on you if I wrote it to my own name.
Your man feels the same, that’s why he’s always workin late.
Just keep his dinner warm, trick, he’s out gettin laid.
By a hot little thing at the office who’s half your age.
Your own man won’t see you naked, lookin like you got the plague.
And you ain’t had sex in how long, trick, do you have aids?!
Yo, give this note to your husband, it says your Northern trick just got spayed.”
”oohhh”
What the... I did not see that coming See4, very nice! Alright, Mrs. MC Southern Balls, you ready?! Let’s do this! Bring that beat back DJ!
“Yo.. alright.. that’s all ya got hu? Alright...
I do got somethin in the kitchen for ya, it’s called an oven.
You’re about to get baked at 450 and I’m the stuffin.
Sayin I got aids but last night your wife ate my lovin.
She loved it, licked it up and said between your legs is nothin.
And sail club, are you serious?! You wrote that on the registry?
My husband has a couple young sluts, chump, they all do me.
Surrounded by him and clowns like you, I’d rather be a dike.
Take your wanna-be rappin wackness back to The Hamptons and fly a kite aight!
”Aaahhh”
Oh! I felt that one, congratulations both of you, that was excellent! C’mon people, you know what to do. Ladies and gentlemen, let’em hear it, put your hands together for who belongs in the final! Is it Southern Balls or See4???
It looks like Mrs. MC Southern Balls just advanced to the finals, congratulations Southern Balls, we’ll see you back here in just a bit. Hey thanks for showing off your skills See4, we’ll see you again next year.
Next up, c’mon guys! Let’s get Masta Meta-4 and Gangsta G-Loc Luger up here so we can flip this coin. Masta Meta-4, you’ve been here before like history, we’re gonna let your opponent call the coin flip. Gangsta G-Loc Luger, call it in the air.
:flip:
“Tails!”
Oh!! Nope, it’s heads. Your call Masta Meta-4, you want first like a single or last like a sequel?
“Goat head G-Lala.”
You heard the man Gangsta G-Loc Luger, you’re up, you ready for this?!
“I’ll sleep sleep through this dude.”
Hey DJ, drop a new beat on em!
“Yo.. uh.. yo.. uh.. yo-yo.. uh-uh.. yo...
You don’t want none of this boy, trust trust in me me.
I’ll scoop ya up like some tree leaves and smoke you like weed weed.
You need to go wee-wee back home with your pee-pee.
Tucked between your legs, I’ll take you out at the knees knees.
And please please.. when I’m done with this Mic you should leave leave.
Go home and dry your eyes, cryin ‘G-Loc is mean mean.’
Believe believe.. you ain’t seen nothin yet pee wee.
No more speak speak to this geek geek, he’s weak weak, I’m G.G.”
“Ahhhhh”
Dang!! Gangsta G-Loc Luger puttin it down! Good job Gangsta, you’re a tough act to follow, well done! If anyone can handle it it’s our next MC.. C’mon up! Ladies and gents, put your hands together, show some love for Masta Meta-4!!
“Yeeaaahh”
Hey give it up for our resident DJ!! DJ COM-30 bring that beat back!
“Yo, yo. Clap with me ya’all! Clap - Clap! Clap with me ya’all clap...
Eh yo, what’s that you say? I can’t hear you like a tooth ache.
Is it just me?! Or did you just repeat repeat everything you say?
Got you squakin’ like a parrot with a blanket off the cage.
Little boy your time is numbered like a calendar day.
I think you took it too far about my wang between my legs.
Like a Instagramma scamma Mark Zucka what’s his name!
Bout to play you like a game, a cassette tape, you’re nothin.
My favorite part about your rap is when you hit the stop button!”
”Daannnng”
Oh!! Woah!! Did you get all that?! Hey, give it up one more time for Masta Meta-4!!!
”Yaaa”
Eh, this one’s gonna be tough ya’all so I need you to put your hands together for the winner, alright?! Who do you want to see take on Mrs. MC Southern Balls in the finale... Is it: Gangsta G-Loc Luger?? Or Masta Meta-4?! Show these guys some love with a round of applause.. Let’s hear it!!
Congratulations Masta Meta-4, looks like we’ll be seeing you in the finale. Thanks a lot for competing Gangsta G-Loc Luger, you’ve been on your A game throughout this competition, we’ll see you next year - Peace!
Alright, let’s hear it for your finalists!! C’mon people - Put your hands together for Mrs. MC Southern Balls and Masta Meta-4!!!
Alright you two, new rules - Finale style. We’re doubling your time limit. You each get 16 bars and our community reading this right now will let us know who walks away with Braggin’ Rights, deal? As usual, ladies go first. Mrs. MC Southern Balls, call it in the air.
:flip:
“Tails - He’s been chasin his all day.”
It’s heads! Your call Masta Meta-4, do you want this Mic or am I passing it like a blunt to Mrs. MC Southern Balls?
“Like a blunt.”
You heard the man Mrs. MC, you’re up first, you ready to win this thing?!
“Like Hollywood in the White House.”
Ooh! Alright, let’s do this! DJ COM-30 let’s give em a brand new beat.
“Masta meta what? What? What? Masta.. what?.. Uh.. let’s go.
Masta meet the floor, get down where you belong.
Wanna speak in metaphors get out my crack like a thong.
Shouldn’t be long now, we gotta listen to your style.
Where you reference everything like Tom Hanks in Green Mile.
You’re making me vile just lookin at you lookin at me.
I can see it in your teeth, you’re drooling over everything about me.
Pick your tongue up, you’re gonna need it for the Mic.
Besides, your wet dream can’t even get between my thighs.
Masta Meta-4’s ridiculous, you’re the one who should be Mrs.
Check out this dudes cheeks he’s wearin makeup like a princess.
I’m finished with this prick, everyone here is my witness.
The exit door’s behind you, you should go mind your own business!”
“o0Oooohh”
Woah! Woah! What just happened?! Mrs. MC Southern Balls brings the heat! Give it up one more time for Mrs. MC Southern Balls!! I didn’t realize you had all that in you - Atta girl! Way to step up your game. I don’t know about this Masta Meta-4, she just set the bar ‘all the way up!’ You ready?!
“Like a surgeon.”
Eh you know what that means DJ! Bring that beat back one more time.
“Yo.. Alright. Yo.. Ok. Now listen up!
It’s Meta-4. I even hyphenated it for you.
Poor you. Suckin my gas like a hot air balloon.
Don’t you? Got like four kids you should tend to?
Or maybe they’re my offspring, don’t want nothin to do with you.
This is new to you, not me, I’m a pro like major league.
Learn your position like a team, start by gettin on your knees.
Make yourself useful like a clock on New Year’s Eve.
When it strikes twelve I might tell you a couple things you really need.
Your vagisil ain’t smellin well, exit door ain’t me, it’s for your disease.
Who wants more of me?
Easy question when a pair of smothered balls is opposition.
You’re only good for one thing trick, you already know what it is.
It ain’t minding your own business ain’t no way you can handle it.
Like 14 dudes at once when you know 13’s the limit.
Yo your voice should be unplugged and packaged on the shelf.
Only Mic you should be talkin to is the one below my belt!”
”AhHhhHhhh”
Oh, woah, woah, woah, fire back and forth! Congratulations both of you - You both killed it! Thanks for putting on a great show - The community appreciates it. They’re gonna have a tough time calling this one, let’s see what the crowd thinks:
Ladies and gentlemen, musicians and groupies, you know what’s next - Vote! Who’s goin home with 3.6.5 of Braggin Rights? Check out the contest rules if you haven’t already.
2 people that should bring their #writing to the #comedy stage:
Queen @puravidaville - I really just wanted to do this: Did you see the dessert dish she posted on Friday? Go check out Lemon Blueberry Cake w/ Lemon Zest Coconut Frosting: food fight friday ya’ll. She just hit 900 Upvotes! 900?! Congratulations beautifullest. Dear Steemit, take her to 1,000!
@abh12345 - Bartenders have to be #funny or no fiat money and you were just saying your phone texting skills are rusty anyway. And I just used the #engagement hashtag.
Hi dandays,
Thank you for your entry in to #comedyopenmic comedy contest. We have asked the judges below to review your entry and give it a funny rating. (They generally have no sense of humor, as the saying goes, those that can't do, start contests and judge).
This will determine your ultimate position when the results are tallied. (That being said, you are free to adopt any position you wish - we can recommend pantsless with beer in hand.)
Judges:
If you have any questions or queries please feel free to contact one of the judges or come say hi in discord: Click Here
Thank you to @matytan for the great banner
Nice! I’m glad you got me plugged in @com-judge, thanks for having me.
One of the most creative things you’ve posted on Steemit. Very well done- I was captivated the entire time and actually want more rap battle. You are dope, the dopest, the dopest of the dope! Can’t wait to see what you come up with next … dope!
Oh man I sure am glad you think so! For those of you interested; she and I don’t read eachothers work until it’s posted, it keeps the surprise element intact.
The hardest part was finding the gif’s of various crowds - It took me way too long, I’m probably too embarrassed to admit how long that part took. I tried to match the crowds to the rapper. I’m always concerned that I’m the only one who thinks this stuff is funny. 🤔
When you asked me “why does G-Loc repeat everything?” I’m “oh no...” and get all nervous.
Thank you @puravidaville! iheartu all the time. Congratulations chef.
Mrs. MC Southern seems like a really big deal, I dig her rap style and laughed really hard at the personality too, I mean to see that you created a personality to fit your rap for comedy open mic is the most amazing thing. Nice creation of those rap lines, I betting EOS is really redefined in your rap battle bars.
Hahahaha but hey nice bars as well. This is the best entry I've seen for this week really
I like the GIFs as well suited your entry for the crowd cheering hahahaha, wow what an entry for COM, awesome entry as well
Thanks a lot for noticing, really, I appreciate it! Finding all of the cheering gif’s, each having to be place strategically to help tell the story, was the toughest part. I’m glad you liked it, I appreciate the kind words.
Seems that majority are supporting MC Southern Balls.
Thanks a lot for stopping by @josediccus.
Nice idea!
And dammit for the nomination, we'll see!
hahahaha This is what I always say when I'm nominated for something:
@dandays, don't get any wiseguy ideas either!! :)
I’m really glad you like it, friend, thank you!
It’s an ‘at your earliest convenience’ type of stage. The first time someone called me out, I think a month went by before I attempted anything.
I’m married to a bartender so I know all about the fly on the wall in a bar. I’m guilty of spilling far too much when I’ve drank too much myself. You just seems like a logical candidate, that’s all!
Thanks a lot for stopping by @abh12345!
daaaaaaaang! that was flippen hilarious. I think she dropped them southernballs on him...
I think that you have just smoked about every comedymic I have seen...
I about choked when you started introducing them.
The one you left out was the auh auh blah blah blah auh. lol every line starts or ends auh.......
Yes!! Hey I’ve seen 8-Mile, I know how these battle rap things go! Haha. Hey I really appreciate the kinds words, when I put things like this together I’m sofa king nervous about clicking the post button cuz I’m always afraid I’m the only one who thinks it’s funny so I appreciate the encouraging comment!
Thanks for stopping by @coinsandchains.
lol, you know there are a lot of people who say that. I find myself in the same boat some as well, I tend to be a perfectionist, but sometimes you just have to hit post and let it fly. That would be a great hashtag to start using #justhitpost but then someone would probably add an extra S to hit and then would come the flag wars.
Congratulations @dandays! You have completed the following achievement on the Steem blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :
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STOPTo support your work, I also upvoted your post!
Do not miss the last post from @steemitboard:
Thank you at Steemitboard! I already have abran. New place for it on the trophy shelf.
Well if it's going to be rap it has to be 90's gangster rap. All the big names, all the best rappers. Diss tracks and monster anthems. It was the golden age. Some of the best battlers came up this way.
Oh for sure, weed out the weak. You don’t even have to walk away with a win, you just have to be able to stand your ground and rhyme without preparation. Are you familiar with Eyedea and Abilities from Rhymesayers? RIP Eyedea but my opinion still stands.. he was the best freestyler. Supernatural is another brilliant freestyler... and he’s not dead!
Thanks a lot for stopping by @niallon11.
I would've been oblivious to this form of writing if I wasn't familiar with rap battle videos. Pretty witty on the comebacks, atmosphere, and tension building. I read the lines like they each belonged to a different person. Mrs. Southern Balls had a deeper voice with occasional shrills for audience impact to my imagination.
I’m really glad you enjoyed it, thank you a bajillion Times to taking the time to tell me what you think. Cuz when I put things together like this I’m always afraid I’m the only one who likes it.
As far as understanding the writing and atmosphere and al that, I would’ve been completely lost had I not gone on a marathon watching spree of Eminem’s movie, 8-Mile! Lol.
Thanks a lot for stopping by @adamada.
Comedians require courage to take the first hit that their humor ain't funny. You won't even know you're funny unless someone appreciates your humor. Welcome @dandays and good luck on your future comedic posts :D
Yo yo, besides @puravidaville, I'm one of your biggest fans. I'm laughing before I even read yo stuff ;)
I was smiling after the first paragraph, and LOL'ing by this,
Only weirdo's can see all kinds of funny in that :) Throw in a lil' Will Ferrell, brass balls and a swanky sailor, and BOOM! You got yo'self a hit!
Nice work @dandays :)
oh wait! I forgot to include this lil' beauty too,
hahaha
Wait?! Did you?? Hey wait so both of my favorite women thought it was funny! Yes! Whoever thinks Monday’s suck hasn’t seen this one.
Ok, good, I can tell just by reading your text that you’ve seen 8-Mile too! LoooO Crap!!
Hey really though, all of the little jokes are the ones I’m worried about being the only one who thinks they’re funny. Thanks for showing me you got’em!
I still haven’t figured out funny and not funny yet, Susan, is what I’m trying to say alright, there! I said it!! - Don’t laugh when it’s stupid, got it! Wait, no, laugh it IS stupid, wait, that’s not it either... Don’t laugh when it’s NOT stupid.. Danget!
Thank you for stopping by @lynncoyle1!
bahahahaha what's funny is I'm so not a Susan lol, that's why you saying Susan is frikkin' hilarious!
Only looozars haven't seen 8-Mile :)
squirrel!!
I had to show you this. I mean really though, look at the amount of Upvotes, the chances of this happening are literally 1:860 something:
I wasn’t kidding with that “my two favorite women,” is that crazy or what?!!
hahahaha that's awesome!!! I told you...2nd biggest supporter :)
and even more crazy, I was going to submit your post to curie, but I haven't had much luck with acceptance lately, so I just didn't bother!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What was I thinking???? Congratulations!!
Ah man thank you so much! You were probably thinking ‘I’m tired of them not noticing!’ Like the market isn’t it?!
I have zero predictions of the market, not a single one of em! I just ride it out. Hey same thing here with posting articles, I dump just as much heart into each piece but just like the market... you just never know! The right pair of eyes has to be in the right place at the right time.
(Up there where I said “I just dump as much.” My autocorrect actually typed ‘I just junk munch.’) “Junk munch?” Really? My autocorrects kind of a punk.
Heheheh! So e.o.s stands for end of summer? This is hilarious, I laughed all throughout, that was quite a battle. All the characters are just incredibly funny...
The hair on Mrs. MC Southern's head though, you should added her some high heeled shoes... Hahahahah.
I love this!!
Ahhh yesss!! Thank you so much. Really, if you had any idea the amount of times I go back and forth in my head with ‘it’s funny, it’s not funny, I’m the only one that will think that’s funny.’ Then I get all wrapped up in there ‘post it, don’t post’ etc so the positive feedback I’m getting from this post really means a lot to me. Thanks for taking the time to tell me about it?
Hey, but who’s the winner??
Thanks a lot for stopping by @audreybits, happy Tuesday!
Hahahah! I get how tough it can be clicking on that "post" button sometimes but I am glad you ended up posting this, its just filled with so much humour!
Well, I will be a little bit bias choosing the winner... Hahahahah! Or maybe she is actually the winner.... I am going for Mrs. MC Southern
My pleasure, Happy Tuesday!!
I think you made a great choice! Don’t take your eye off me now, I mean Mrs. MC, don’t take your eye off Mrs. MC now. :wink:
Hahahah! I will be on the lookout for her!!