Comedy Open Mic Round 12 Entry #1
Sharing a bus ride with a fat person is every skinny dude’s worst nightmare. In Nigeria at least or any other country where a seat meant for one person is usually shared by two. For the one meant for two persons, four. For three, six. And so on.
Pretty straight forward math if you ask me. Bet them smart ass call it arithmetic progression, AP. With common difference of x2.
Nerdy much aint it? Ok let’s go back to the comedick stuff.
So we basically roll like that: humans packed like sardine just to get from one location to another and should it be a longer journey, you damn right will turn to real sardines.
The math barely recognizes you as a full human not to talk of sharing them scarce leather seats with a water drum who should be paying for a fucking drop.
You know, whatever happened to them Road Transport Workers telling these people the drop scheme was specifically designed for them?
Does Uncle Ben’s “great power, great responsibility” quote ever mean anything to these Atlantic oceans?
For Christ’s sake, pay for them extra load you stingy hippos.
As much as I will like to complain, it will be ungrateful not to acknowledge them for their importance too.
For instance, when I release them Butt-Gases made of rich dense ammonia ooze, me the skinny wire is usually the last point of suspicion. Them guilty eyes subconsciously point to the person who literally looks like a heap of shit.
Fat person always takes the fart blame. That’s how the world works.
More to it, they are humble and quiet. Have you ever seen a talkative fat person? Exactly. You know why? Talking draws attention. And body fat is not the kind you want obsessive eyes to be prowling and pitying at all day. So you keep shut.
Also, in should you need to take a quick nap in the course of a long journey? Their arm alone offers same experience you get with a Vita foam.
And last but not the least, they are skinny people’s only hope of feeling good about themselves. Ya know when you go to the gym and them mesomorphs are all worked out and shitt and you just hate yourself? Go hunt for a fat person and stare at him or her.
Works every time.
Well, as a fat person, I would like to say that we are talkative, it's just that nobody wants to talk to you. As soon as you get your bony ass out of there the fatties are talking up a blue streak.
What a revelation. Underground AA for fatties. Now there is an odd feeling: skinny people should be scared of a revolution.
Oh, not all skinny people.
Just you.
Ouch.
Fuck you.
With pleasure.
Ha! Now you're the meat in this sandwhich.
barely. am all bones manh.
Dang... pretty brutal. As a U.S. citizen, I've been led to believe that all Africans are bone thin and covered in flies.
For just one dollar a day......
It's been raised to $1.01 ever since.
Dont beat yourself up. I was also taught replacing the "fat people" in my title with "Americans" was grammatically allowed in English language.
I think "big boned genetics" covers both terms.
This is the kind of thing George Carlin preached against.
Fancy names!
Damn that was savage. True but savage.
Doomsy cosigns. Yay!
yes sir
I knew from the title not to read this but somehow I like the word "Holy"
Always the perfect charm. Evil grin.
I nominate @pangoli and @nneoma to participate in the next round.