Comedyopenmic Round 13| Despair not, find hope
What happened? You used to be cool, hell you used to define cool, and now... Now it's like a sad $3 handjob behind a dumpster from a hobo with no teeth and all you can think is "I wonder if he'd be willing to blow me?"
Walk away, this isn't what young you dreamt of surely. Well there was that one dream involving a three-way with a pigmy goat and a former miss universe who was now in her 80s, but at least the goat was female. Ask him to remove his finger, zip up your pants and leave. Even the hobo will be thankful he didn't have to give you a rusty trombone though I'm sure he'll be sad to miss out on the extra dollar.
It's ok, it's a slump that's all. You'll come back from it, build yourself up again, rebuild your confidence, once again be the life of the party. But it takes time. These things come and go, but to sink so low, so quickly boggles the mind.
What happened? Just yesterday you were on a high of cocaine and LSD partying to music in your head while Playboy models walked around singing out of tune, but hey at least it looked nice. Now, you've spent the last 3 days running around the bush looking for a Erythroxylum australe plant even the search and rescue crews have given up. The assumption is you're dead or happy, either way no one cares.
So just walk away from the hobo put your clothes back on and write a post. I'm sure Curie will come by again.
I am nominating @raj808 and @bitfiend. Come back to us you sexy people. Enter us again. I mean the contest.
No such thing as a sad $3 handjob. That's all I have to say about that.
It's sad if it's worth $1.
Ahhhhhh, he was a puncher. I understand now.
It's sad when you lose a customer.
The 50% off coupons my neighbour was giving away really cut into business.
I appreciate your concern but maybe a $3 handjob is all I can get right now did you ever think of that? How inconsiderate! I was trying to bring $3 alley hobo handjobs back into style.
Its been difficult making entries when I'm reading the spanish people post "waiting to be upvoted" skeleton memes. I almost forgot how to read in English.
It's a conspiracy. A few COM judges were like damn that fool is funny and he's not even trying. Let's convince him to go to judge COME #comedyopenmicespanol that'll keep him busy hahaha.
Thanks, I've been wanting to make an entry. I'll see what I can do!
Please make the time, you have a great style.
Veeeery crazy! 😁
Hvala.
Even after the hobo left, your tags still gave me a hard on.
careful you don't poke yourself in your eye.
Okay, I knew it was going to be a bad idea to click on the rusty trombone link on a busy train. I couldn’t help myself... (Aaargh!) Anyway, $3 handjob sounds, drugs, hobos, pigmy goats, sexy people and curie makes for a scary funny read. :)
The hobos in your area are too expensive, you can get two weeks worth of hand jobs for half the price.
sounds like I need to go on a holiday to your magical land.
to gain access to this place you'll need the head of 6 virgin anopheles mosquitoes, hair from the balls of a komodo Dragon, 2 gallons of a sperm whale's sperm and a dollar. Its pretty simple
I can not go back anymore, I'm lost, because my compass needles no longer show north ta he pointed upwards
Ckckck ckck
Now I feel like a pig for always just assuming the hobo would blow me. I have learned a lesson here and will ask the hobo next time
dream bigger!
Ha ha, love this post @idikuci, thanks for the nomination. I have entered again, balls deep but I'm not sure if my post might be a bit floppy from all the rubbing up against Erythroxylum australe plants that I have been doing recently 😂 I did pull my finger out earlier and write a new comedyopenmic post though, all I need now is a rusty trombone to relive the chaffing.
Sorry, I nominated before I saw your entry. Now I feel bad, but glad you got a kick out of it.
Don't feel bad :-) The nomination brought me to this post which I really enjoyed, tickled my funny bone so everyone is a winner lol