YOUR Ticket to the Genetic Lottery! Comedy Open Mic Round #30
Have you ever wondered if your mom banged the mailman? With at-home DNA test kits, now you can know for sure!
When you play the genetic lottery, be gentle with your enthusiasm when learning more about the most important person in your life.
Remember the last time you bought a lottery ticket?
How'd that work out for 'ya?
In this game, the genetic lottery, your ticket's already been purchased, and YOU'RE it.
Maybe you'll discover a familial disposition for mutation in the BRCA gene, meaning a double mastectomy might be in your future (Angelina Jolie made those widely known in 2013 after she had one).
Fret not though!
If you're a lady, you flipped the right side of the coin when you burst from the womb!
Women live more than 10% longer than men, with an average 8 years longer lifespan than the fellas!
When you consider the 8 years more social security, 8 years of more pension benefits, 8 years more Medicare, Medicaid, and long term care, it turns out...
WOMEN MAKE MORE THAN MEN!!!
But I digress.
Let's look at the lottery ticket secret decoder rings purchased:
AND
In a comedy version of
CONSUMER REPORTS,
you'll get to see how these tests compare!
- On Cost
- On Results
- How Quickly the results are sent back
- Test Kit Ease of Use
- Any differences I think you'll find interesting
If YOU'VE ever been interested in taking one of these tests, you'll get a guided tour from start to finish right here: @scan0017 😀
I don't think mummy plowed the milkman, but let's roll those dice and see what happens...
COME ON 7!
Love you guys 😂
I nominate @themadgoat and @richq11 to bring the funny in comedy Open Mic Round #30!
Hi scan0017,
Thank your post in the #comedyopenmic tag.
Please note that this isn't a generic tag but rather it's a tag for our contest
If you'd like to participate you can click here to read the contest rules.
I would like to draw your attention to the rule asking contestants to include "Comedy Open Mic Round #" in the title.
We are currently on round 30
Please update your title and we will pass your entry along to the judges for judgement*.
*Judges that pass judgement only judge as far as judgement is concerned.
Arrgghh!
Thank you for your reply!
I will amend this grievous error presently.
😉 😀
Error corrected.
Please feel free to pass this post on to @blocktrades for his maximum upvote
Hi scan0017,
Thank you for your entry in to #comedyopenmic comedy contest. We have asked the judges below to review your entry and give it a funny rating. (They generally have no sense of humor, as the saying goes, those that can't do, start contests and judge).
This will determine your ultimate position when the results are tallied. (That being said, you are free to adopt any position you wish - we can recommend pantsless with beer in hand.)
Judges:
If you have any questions or queries please feel free to contact one of the judges or come say hi in discord: Click Here
Thank you to @matytan for the great banner
Pantsless, ✅
Gotta confess though, when I go pantsless,
that's not a beer in my hand (though the shape and girth aren't that far off...)
🦄
I'm interested to see how that ancestry bit turns out. I've been meaning to jump on the 23andme train for a while. I'm pretty sure I've got some kind of superhuman Ozzy Osborn genes on account of the fact that I'm not dead yet.
I know, right!?!
Crazy how we're still kicking it...
Brother, we're still obligated to entertain the world by the virtue of having more lives than cats, long past even their extenda-mix life allotment.
Let's carry on by paying what's due, more mirth and silly to come from two of the unwitting disciples of Pan and Dionysus 🤣🤪
Comedy or not, your math is wrong. Even if they live 10% longer, they make 25% less, so they still aren't making as much!... or is my math wrong?
So if for 80 years, a man makes $100/year and a woman makes 75, at the end of 80 years, he'll have made 8000 and she'll have made 6000. Then she lives 8 more years (he's dead)... she'll make 600 more dollars... that's only lifetime earnings of 6600
Not your point, but still. Math is important!
Ugh, busted!
Math, is like, really hard... 😩
However, your assumption is predicated upon a man working until the day he dies, at age 80.
She, however, could be married to him out of high school, not even work a single day in her life, (though raising a household and children is incredibly difficult), and when he dies, she will, as his wife, inherit EVERYTHING he made working for 50+ years, collect maximum spousal benefits on his social security, his pension, and his 401(k) required minimum disbursements AND his ROTH IRA savings, until the end of her life!
Sweet deal if you're a smart lady and marry someone twice your age...
🎶 This is the world we live in 🎵
Or, my all-time FAVORITE version:
Thank you, powerful @improv!
Math is important 🕊
Anyone will be impressed by the pictures. Thank you
I take it that's the genetic gap I've heard so much about.
Posted using Partiko Android