**MEET THE NIGERIAN POLICE** 1st entry into Comedy Open Mic Round #12

IMAGE SOURCE
Dont be deceived by the picture you just saw, anyways pictures like that are for magazine purposes not for we citizens that know their true color. Those set of people you see in black custom are not cops, they are corpse.

IMAGE SOURCE
The Police Force of the so called GIANT OF AFRICA bagged some accolades as the worst police force on earth on the last police ranking.

• In other countries, police on checkpoint stops a vehicle asks the driver for papers, while Nigerian police stops a vehicle and asks the driver for PAY PASS, just that they pronounce it so fast and it sounds like PAPERS
  
  IMAGE SOURCE
  Even if you give this useless set of police a chopper to work on air, they will collect bribe from birds. For me, i think the best solution to control the bribery issues is to sew them uniforms without pockets.
• The first person to call the police wins the case. There is nothing like "Investigation", once someone reports you to the police, you have automatically lost the case.
  
  IMAGE SOURCE
  Unless you're richer than the person that reported you. They you're automatically innocent and with the right amount of money, you can send the policemen back to go arrest the person that reported you to them.
• When Nigerian police arrives at a crime scene, the first thing they do is to arrest every guy with dreadlocks and tattoos.
  
  IMAGE SOURCE
  They don't care if you're just a passerby. You're a prime suspect and the more they arrest, the more money they make, because anybody arrested will surely pay for bailout.
• The police station in my area closes by 7pm due to security reasons.
  
  IMAGE SOURCE
  Hahahaha... Well a policeman is someone's father and husband, They all have to return back to their families at the end of the day.
  Well anything that has Disadvantage must surely have Advantage.
  Apart from teaching us how to be very security conscious because we have nobody to watch our back for us. They have also taught us how to settle disputes among ourselves.
  I remember sometime ago, i was driving back from school and somebody jammed me from behind while trying to beat the traffic light but couldn't control his speed, Instead of apologizing, The idiot was busy insulting me while shouting DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?
  WAIT A MINUTE
  Over here in Nigeria, when someone says
  DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? Its a threat
  WHO ARE YOU? Is an insult
  and whenever someone starts a sentence with "With all due respect", just know that you are about to receive the highest disrespect of your life.
  AS I WAS SAYING.
  The man repeated the question again, DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?
  The he-goat thought he could scare me off with mere threats, after disfiguring my car.
  "Sir with all due respect i don't know who you are and i don't care to know but you better be a panel beater" I replied.
  A policeman that witness the scene came to settle the dispute when the he-goat that jammed me came to his right senses and called me out private, He apologized, begged me not to press any charges and offered me some money. The money he gave me was enough to repair my car tho but i had to accept it tho, not just because he apologized but because i can't have that useless policeman make a fortune out of our misfortune.

I nominate @sir.skillful1 and @jan23com to join the contest