The Power of Commitment

The word commitment has such a load of negativity around it. Most of us seem to have a lot of issues around this word. I suppose that is often in the context of romantic relationships. Why are we so afraid of it? What is it about this idea that makes us squeamish?

Mothering is a forever commitment!

When we commit to something, we are simply making a sacred contract with ourselves that we are going to give our all to this thing, whatever it is.

In my mind, this doesn’t mean the allest all that anyone has ever given. It means the best you have in that moment. I also don’t think it necessarily has to mean giving it our all forever. There are a few forever commitments. Having children is a forever commitment. Parent is forever, and I’ve never wavered in my devotion to that work. Some people see marriage as a forever commitment. I have not had much success with this, however, so perhaps I’ll not comment too much about that. Maybe I can just say I don’t believe it has to be forever. Considering that feeling of being stuck forever is probably the biggest issue people have with commitment, perhaps it’s a good idea to loosen up on that a bit. I believe some people are also afraid of failure. There’s the idea that you can’t fail if you don’t try. Of course that’s totally backwards, but the capacity of the mind to justify itself is endless.

I think it would really benefit us to work through whatever issues we might have around commitment. I have discovered recently just how powerful it really is. We can hem and haw about a decision and even make a half assed decision, but the power of really committing has actually sort of astounded me. Just the decision to commit completely shifts the energy.

Some examples

A commitment to life

I’ll give a couple examples here so you can see what I mean. This first one is really personal and pretty painful to be honest. Some of you know I have struggled with some intense depression. I may or may not be bipolar. I’m not totally sure. In any case, I didn’t realize I was depressed. I thought I was just frustrated with the crazy challenges of life. Then I realized I was hoping I would die. I wasn’t willing to kill myself because of my children, but I was all the time hoping something would come along and swiftly remove me from the misery of life. After a couple months of this, it started to dawn on me that wasn’t normal. So, I went to my 18 yo son who was fresh from his first major break up from a girl he had been dating for two years. He’s almost certainly bipolar and was definitely depressed at that point. I told him I thought I might be depressed. He gave me that look that only teenagers can pull off. The “holy shit are you seriously that thick” look. He told me he was certain I had been depressed for years. I honestly don’t know how I missed it. Looking back it’s incredibly obvious, but I guess it’s sort of like the lobster in the pot. Over and over he said that he could only tell me that he understood how I felt. The thought of him wanting to die was totally and completely unbearable. My first baby. The beautiful human that made me a mom. I couldn’t abide it.

I honestly don’t know which of us suggested it. That whole time period is incredibly fuzzy. I’m honestly not terribly proud of making such a commitment with one of my own children when he was still so young. I have really close relationships with my kids, so I have to be mindful of putting too much pressure on them or laying too much heavy shit on them, especially this one. He was born an old man and has always been way more mature than his age would indicate. In any case one of us said to the other, “I will promise to stay if you will promise to stay.” So it was that I made a commitment to stop wishing for death. It changed everything. I just stopped. Very soon after I came out of my depression. I started the process of trimming unnecessary stuff from my life and started making a better effort to take better care of myself physically and emotionally. I’ve gone back into depression since then, but I have never gone back to wishing for death. I made a promise, and I have to keep it.

Solidarity: Keeping our cool together

My younger boy is, um, strong willed. And very spirited. Transitions are kinda tough for him, and frustration can turn incredibly ugly. I didn’t have these kinds of issues with my two older children, so it’s new territory, and I’m trying to figure out how to navigate it successfully. My major concern right now is for him to learn to stop hitting. He just loses control and starts swinging - usually on me. There’s absolutely no hitting in our house ever. We don’t believe in spanking at all, so I’m just not sure where it’s coming from. Anyway, I thought about a Gandhi story I remember hearing during a talk given by his grandson Arun Gandhi. Apparently there was a boy in the community who had been diagnosed with diabetes, but he kept sneaking sugar. His mother brought him to Gandhi and asked for his assistance. He whispered in the child’s ear for less than a minute, and the boy never ate sugar ever again. The mother was mystified, and Gandhi told her he had simply told the boy he would give up sugar with him so he wouldn’t have to do it alone.

I looked my sweet little man in the eye and said, “If you will do your best to stop hitting, I will do my best to stop yelling.” I made a commitment to a kind of solidarity with him. Now, I have felt horrible about how often I yell for many, many years, and I have pretty much always wanted to stop. I think, perhaps, I sort of figured it’s just how I’m wired. It’s only been a couple days, and I can’t say it has totally stopped, but it is a way significant improvement, and he hasn’t hit once.

Sometimes we thwart ourselves with our own brilliance. We can talk ourselves in and out of everything. We can dance around with words in our head and usually wind up totally tricking our own brain.

In the end it’s actually really simple. We need only make a commitment to ourselves or to another and there it is. I remember asking my ex husband’s grandmother how she had managed to make her marriage work for so long. She said, “Well, we never believed we had a choice.” Now I’ve been clear I’m not a fan of seeing marriage that way. That has cost a lot of women their lives and their mental health. However it perfectly illustrates commitment. It is beyond wanting. It is being all in and seeing no other option. Even when you can’t figure out the how.

So tell me, what are you committed to? Are there things you’ve been wanting to manifest but you haven’t really committed to yet? Give it a try. Let me know how it goes.

Much love, y’all!

As always, all pics are mine or pixabay unless otherwise noted.

Also, check out @tribesteemup for more information on how to follow the curation trail or delegate. This allows you to help yourself and empower a beautiful, positive community of world changers.